Creating Balance

It is the time of the Spring Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere (if you are in the Southern Hemisphere you can read my Autumn Equinox post here) that special time when the daylight and darkness are the same the world over because the sun is right over the equator.  As it begins its journey North we will get more sun over the coming weeks, our days will get longer and our nights shorter, its warmth will return.

In the heart of a seed

Buried so deep

A dear little plant

Lay fast asleep

Wake said the sun

And creep to the light

Wake said the voice

of the raindrops bright

The little plant heard,

And arose to see

What the wonderful 

outside world might be

K Brown

Everything in nature is coming alive and awakening, as the sun gains in strength and the days are longer and warmer.  Blossom and catkins will or are, depending on where you live, be appearing on the trees, spring flowers are starting to appear and the animal kingdom are preparing or having their young.

We have spent the last few months, the months of dark of cold resting and recharging.  Now that the days are slowly growing longer and nature is coming alive, we can awaken our inner energy.  We can start to give form to the ideas and plans we have been thinking about and give them shape and direction.

At the time of Samhein, we sowed the seeds of future plans, of thought and ideas which we have been holding on to during the time of dark.  Now at this time of emergence, this time of fertility, we can start to give our plans shape, to help them grow.  If you haven't done so already now is a good time to share those plans with others.

If it is your thing a seed meditation is a lovely way to feel connected with the Earth at this time of awakening and emergence.  Get yourself into a comfortable sitting position somewhere outside, if you want to you can close your eyes.  Imagine you are a seed full of life, plant yourself into the warming Earth, feel the water of life falling on you gently until you begin to open up.  Feel you roots growing and reaching down into the Earth, they are soaking up and drinking all the wonderful nutrients the Earth provides  Feel a shoot unfold in the the air, your leaves unfolding and soaking up the suns rays.  You have everything you need to grow, for your well being, you are in radiant health. Open your eyes when you are ready.

The equinox is a time of balance, the night and day, the light and darkness are equal.  Some would say this is a time when the inner and outer worlds we inhabit are also in balance, equals.  We can use this time to look at areas of unbalance in ourselves, be kind to yourself whilst you give thoughts to these to help you rebuild positive thought patterns for your future.

It feels particularly poignant, that the wheel of the year is at the time of balance whilst we are feeling that the world around us is anything but.  It is more important than ever to find a balance in our lives, if we feel ourselves being pulled into a world of worry and anxiety, with actions that make us feel positive.  It is important that we don't feel bad for doing that, we are not going to get through this without this balance.  Make the time to work out the things that you need in your life to keep your positive, whatever they are, keep them near.

This is the time of new beginnings, a time to start new things, to go in new directions maybe strike out on our own to make things happen.  This is a time of hope.

Over the coming weeks as our plans for the future start to take shape, blossoming into reality, like the world around us waking up, our actions will be guided by the positive side of ourselves.  It might feel like making plans are futile right now, but we can make some even if they are smaller plans than we might have made in the past.  It will give us hope, keep us positive.

If you can spend time outside, do so, going slowly, noticing.  Give thanks to Mother Earth for the new growth, the return of the warmth, the transformations that are slowly unfolding around us, for her fertility and abundance.

Feel yourself to be part of that energy and life, bursting from the earth.  In this time of uncertainty I do hope that you can find hope, ways to stay positive and a sense of balance.

What lies ahead?

The Colour of Autumn

The world is full of colour

Tis Autumn once again

And leaves of gold and crimson

Are lying in the lane

There are brown and yellow acorns

Berries and scarlet haws

Amber gorse and heather

Purple across the moors

Green apples in the orchard

Flushed by glowing sun

Mellow pears and brambles

Where coloured pheasants run.

Saturday is the Autumn Equinox, that special day of the year when the daylight and darkness is the same all over the world because the sun is directly over the equator.  It heralds the beginning of its  journey south and where I live in the Northern hemisphere, we will be getting less and less sun over the coming weeks, our days will get shorter and our nights longer.  It is the start of Autumn, the door way to Winter, a time for us to prepare for the change in the earth's energy.

This is a time to be thankful to the abundant earth and all the resources we harvest.  We take our Earth and the gifts it gives us so freely rather for granted, it can be hard to maintain a strong connection when we are so far removed from the means of production.  We need to do all we can to change the thoughts of those that think they can continue to take, take, take without heed to the consequences.

This is a time to be thankful for the rain which will fall in greater abundance in the coming weeks and months, however annoying and tiresome we find it, it is doing an important job replenishing the soil.

This is also a time to give thanks to all those wonderful people we have in our lives and who we spend time with, be it face to face or online, for their support and connection.  We are so lucky to live in countries where we have freedom to communicate with whomever we wish to and have the choice over how we do this.

As the summer fades away and autumn takes its place, so too does the light.  This is the time of diminishing light with days that can be gloomy, the clouds heavy with rain.  For many animals this is the start of a period of rest, either by hibernating or sleeping more and eating less.  It is also a period of rest for the earth, the leaves fall from the trees and plants as they preserve their energy within and enter their period of dormancy.  Would that we could sleep or remain dormant through this time, but our lives don't fit that pattern.

I know I have been guilty of resisting these dark days and of wanting the light and warmth to return as quickly as possible.  By embracing the darkness we too can preserve our energy, we too can slow down allowing ourselves to recharge, like the earth.

So lets look forward to the time of darkness and embrace it into our lives.  Lets be kind to ourselves, give ourselves permission to rest and do less.  Lets reclaim the balance within each of us which can get lost in the busyness of life in the warmer months.  As the circle of the year turns we will be able to head into Spring in six months time, recharged and bursting with energy.

Whilst we are in this time of resting and recharging we can reflect on our achievements throughout those recent warmer months, look back and think about all those amazing things we have done however big or small.  This is not a time to be starting big new projects but rather to think and plant seeds in our heads of where we would like to be, to go, to do in the future.

We can also use this time to let go of things, de-clutter your house and give away those things that are no longer of use to you.  De-clutter your minds and let go of ideas or values which no longer serve you, that are troubling you or causing you pain, listen to and trust your inner voice for guidance and wisdom. Find a way that works for you to release them, maybe writing them down and burning them.

I hope you will move into Autumn with more strength, embracing rather than resisting the dark.  I hope you will be kind and gentle to yourselves.  I hope you can find the time each day or week to rest and be still to enable your body to recharge and reclaim any balance lost.

Lagom

Welcome to the March edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Clearing the Clutter cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month our participants wrote about de-cluttering and cleaning up. Please check out the links to their thoughts at the end of this

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I have been decluttering our belongings for a few years now and until recently was struggling to know how long to continue it for, I was looking for an end to it.  How much stuff did we really want, how much did we need, what could we do without, just when it seemed that I had reached a good state a birthday would come along and with it more stuff.  I felt like I was fighting a losing battle, but I knew I did not want to give up.  A house full of stuff was definitely not what I wanted, I grew up in one, it made me feel overwhelmed.  Then I discovered a wonderful word, Lagom.

Lagom is a Swedish word with, sadly, no equivalent in English it means just the right amount.  I instantly knew that this was what I had been searching for.  I was not looking to reduce my possessions to the point that I had so little and I was doing without, nor did I want so much that I had one of everything and more.  I was looking for balance.

I also realised that I was on a journey that had no end.  It was a continuous one that would go on and on, but that did not mean that it had to be difficult or arduous, more that it needed to be mindful.  I was not fighting against the tide but flowing with it.  When more possessions come into the house I now think it is time for some to leave.

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Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. Read about how others are incorporating simple living into their lives by clearing out the clutter. We hope you will join us next month, as the Simply Living Blog Carnival focuses on Going Green!

• 7 Tips for Cutting the Toy Clutter - In a post at Natural Parents Network, Mandy offers easy and child-respectful ideas for downsizing your kids' growing mountains of toys.
• De-Cluttering and Moving to Minimalism - Laura from Authentic Parenting is actively trying to achieve a more balanced life by giving up the things in order to make room for more enjoyment.
• A Minimalist Clutter Bug - Destany at They Are All of Me writes about the daunting task of clearing away years of clutter brought on by disorganization and a dislike for throwing things away.
• The Pack Rat Stops Here - Mercedes at Project Procrastinot doesn't want her twins to inherit the pack rat legacy but is uncertain how to lead by example.
• Clutter Minimized - Jorje of Momma Jorje shares how minimizing different aspects of her life and household have changed her life.
• Uncluttering Childhood - Are fewer toys and books harmful for your child? Does simplifying the stuff in your life, merely mean faster clean up? Find out if "less" is truly "more" for parents and kids alike at Heart-Led Parenting.
• Lagom - Sustainablemum shares her family's search for balance in decluttering their home and their lives.
• Letting Go - Of Things and Thoughts - Amy W. at Me, Mothering, and Making it All Work rejoices in her ability to allow others to teach her to let go - of things and of thoughts.
• From Cluttered to Clutter Free - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children discusses the changes she went through from growing up in a cluttered household to becoming a decluttering diva.
• Facing the emotional roadblocks of clearing clutter - We all have reasons we hold on tightly to our stuff. Lauren at Hobo Mama offers advice for breaking through those walls.
• Spring Cleaning with Freecycle - Amy at Anktangle shares how her spring cleaning ritual has become much more fun (and productive!) since she's embraced her local Freecycle community and all it stands for.

Rhythm

I have posted several times about our weekly rhythm it has been great for keeping us in balance each week.  I say has because, like so many things, it is changing and some weeks it has been non existent and has had to change at the last minute.  After months of it being the same this has really unsettled my children.  I have been giving this much thought over the last week or so, we have come to rely on this rhythm so when it stops beating I have not had alternatives up my sleeve.

We love the rhythm of regular contact with other families, of doing things outside the home.  I need to get my planning head on and talk to other families about alternatives when our original plans do not work out.  This may mean spending some time with new people and branching out to new places or it may mean spending a bit more time at home every now and then.

I found another post about rhythm that I wrote some months ago about the rhythms of our days at home.  I have been lax about this rhythm too of late so I need to bring this back into our lives too.

The last couple of weeks have felt very topsy turvey, I have not been sure of the day of the week most days.  I need to spend time thinking about pulling all these ideas into practice to bring back our much needed and loved rhythm.

Reflections

I recently celebrated my eldest's birthday since then I have been reflecting on my journey over the last eight years as a parent.  It has been a time of joy, of sadness, of frustration, of bewilderment and of immense pleasure.  I never thought being a parent was going to be easy, it is hard, damned hard and it is all the time there is no walking away.

If you want it there is masses of advice available to parents.  A quick search on amazon in books, parenting gave me over 64 000 results some of those may be duplicates of the same book, even so that is a lot of books.  Why is it that there are so many available these days.  Could it be because we live so differently now to fifty or hundred years ago.  We live in very different communities.  We have smaller families so the older siblings do not learn any parenting skills which are acquired by the younger members of the family observing older siblings as parents themselves.  I had no older siblings to learn from, I remember my cousins as babies but did not spend long enough with them to remember what looking after a baby was like.  I read no parenting books before my eldest was born and even if I had I cannot believe that they would have prepared me for the whirlwind that is the early days of becoming a parent.  A baby is dependent on us to meet its every need, even when we have no idea as to what the need is that we are trying to meet, fitting our own needs into the day becomes hard.  Life, as some would have you believe, does not return to normal, whatever normal is.  I was working full time before my first child was born, I was under no illusion that I would ever return to that possibly part time, but never full time.  Those parents who try to return to normal must feel like they are pushing a full cart up a hill, permanently.

As my baby grew older and started to explore the world away from me through crawling, toddling then walking I had to learn to trust, and I did right from the beginning. As a parent I believe that it is important to ensure that your child does not come to harm, but is allowed to explore.  If a child is not trusted they are exploring the world through someone else's boundaries not their own.  They cannot make sense of new situations as they do not know where the boundaries are so parents have to intervene.  If more trust is given as the child gets older they may come to harm as they have not been able to make their own boundaries.  I realised that I was able to trust my child as my mother had trusted me.  If we are not trusted ourselves how can we place trust in our own children, we have not been able to learn these skills properly at the time in our lives that we needed to gain this vital skill.

As a parent I believe it is important to respect children, I have been shocked at how little respect children are given in our society.  I am not taking about legislation to protect their rights or safeguarding them from harm, I am talking about treating them as individuals in the same way as you would adults.  If my children are hurt or upset I don't deny them these feelings by saying oh you'll be alright or it's not that bad.  How could I possibly know how they are feeling, to say this is to deny the child any feeling or lead them to question the feeling they are having and wonder if they are wrong to feel that way.  If my children tell me they are hungry I believe them and give them something to eat, unless I am about to serve a meal.  I don't say you can't be you've just eaten etc.  I speak to my children as I would expect to be spoken to myself, or as I would speak to anyone else and how most parents speak just to other adults.  I find this immensely disrespectful and it jars with me every time I hear a parent speak that way to a child.  We seem to still expect our children to be seen and not heard, much like the Victorians.  If you try to take a child out for a meal after 5pm in so many places it is not possible, if my children are quiet and sit still I am told they good,  if my children are being noisy and boisterous I get withering or pitying looks.  I want my children to be themselves, to work out for themselves when is the time for being quiet and still or noisy or boisterous not when the rest of society deems it appropriate.

Children have an immense capacity to learn.  When I think back to what they learn in the first two years of their life alone it is remarkable.  As a parent I am learning too, each and every day.  It is a journey that never stops, it is exciting and exhausting.  I am preparing my children to venture out into the world by themselves.  We spend more of our lives away from the family home than we do in it, but they are some of the most important.  They are the time when we are learning values which will shape us into who we are as adults, those foundation blocks give us a stable platform to go out and continue to learn.  If there are gaps or cracks in the foundations we will struggle.  One the biggest lessons I have learnt from my children is to relax.  If I take my time and go at their pace I am a more relaxed mama.  I don't try to do too much in one day as it leaves me frazzled especially if I have to be places at a specific time, for me life is too short for rushing.

This is not my advice, this what I do and what I believe in now, tomorrow that may change, in a year that may change.  My parenting is fluid.  I am not perfect, I have lots to learn and I look forward to the future because of this.  I don't beat myself up when I have a bad day I try to work out why and change things if I can.  I am enjoying it as I only get one chance.

Leaking

I posted on here a few months ago that I felt like I was moving to a different beat to my eldest child. That we were bumping along together. We still have the occasional day when I feel like I am not connecting with him until recently when I read on a lovely blog about leaky cups. Lawrence Cohen who wrote Playful Parenting talks about attachment parenting using the metaphor of filling and refilling a cup. The caregiver is like a reservoir for the child, who will come to you for a refill when they need it. Sometimes the cup can leak, so a refill is not enough, the cup is not replenished enough so they come back for more and more until it is filled.

Since reading this I have realised this is what is my problem. I am not meeting the needs of my eldest and his cup has started to leak. Knowing what the problem is just the start but I hope I can now find a way for us both move to the same beat.

Perfection

We strive in our lives to make things perfect.  You only have to open certain magazines or newspapers and read the articles or look at the adverts that show us how others think we should be living our lives.  Do we really want our homes and ourselves to look that?  Is that really what we want or is it what we think we want?

We want our houses to be tidy and clean most, if not all, of the time.  Is this practical and achievable if you have children.  Why is this important to so many of us, where does this pressure come from.  If we are sitting with our children reading to them or playing a game with them, but all the time thinking I really should be doing x or y, we are so distracted that we are not present with our children.  Not only are we not doing x or y we are are also not giving our time to our children either.

It is important to consider what our priorities need to be.  Do we want our house to always be clean and tidy, do we want to spend the maximum time possible being present with our children, do we want to always cook every meal from scratch. do we want only shop for food once a week etc.  It is much easier to achieve our goals if we decide what they should be and them aim for them, however it is also vital to be realistic.  There is no point having a list of goals that is not achievable, simply because there are too many on the list.

As a mother we have many pulls on our time.   I remember a time when I would spend the day doing things with my children but I wasn't present with them and they knew it.  I was thinking about all the things I could or should be doing.  And is not just about all the jobs in the house that need doing, it is also about us, as people, being able to do stuff for ourselves.  Often as a Mother your me time is drastically reduced or non-existent unless you want to stay up late or get up mega early and as result be sleep deprived too.  Or I suppose you could just spend the day ignoring your children.

After the birth of my youngest child I bemoaned the loss of my me time (I had just started to get it back after the first).  I resented the fact that it had gone, and that everyone in the house (including my husband) could do what they wanted when they wanted except me.  I soon realised that such resentment was destructive it was affecting my relationship with my children and my husband.  It was time for me re-evaluate what was important, what were my priorities.  My me time would have to be put on hold for a short while, it would not be that long in the bigger scheme of things .  I also decided that I needed to be present for my children as much as possible.  It was important to me that I could spend time cooking meals from scratch and allow time to plan a week of meals, put together a shopping list of the ingredients and shop once a week for everything we will need for those meals (and anything else we needed from the local town).  I no longer have the daily dilemma at some point in the day of what are we going to have for tea tonight.

My house is less tidy, it gets cleaned less often (apart from the kitchen counters) the hoover is only out sporadically, but I think my house is a calmer place for it.  I have more balance in my life.