Parties

Welcome to the July edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Celebrations cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month, we write about keeping things simple with our kids. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

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Picture the scene if you will, a very large room with a high ceiling, twenty or so excited children running around, the noise levels are high and in we, my eldest and I, walk to a birthday party for one of his friends the first he has attended.  To the children present this is their idea of heaven, to my eldest the epitome of hell.  It was a truly awful experience, the mother of the birthday boy could not comprehend that a child could attend a party and not want to join in the games.  We did not stay for very long.

I knew that he would not enjoy that party but he desperately wanted to go.  We had attended Christmas parties that the nursery he attended held, the first year he sat on my knee though the whole party, he was little and not yet walking.  The next year the noise and bustle actually made him shake with fear, we left soon after arriving.  Despite this when he received an invitation for the party I mentioned at the beginning he really wanted to go, the child had become a good friend and they played often at each others houses and at nursery.  It was really no good explaining to him what the party would be like, he was three nearly four at the time and he had no experience of birthday parties and could not remember the Christmas ones he had hated, my words of explanation meant nothing to him.  So we gave it a go.

We went to no parties for several years after that until he was six and a very good friend he had made invited him to his house for his birthday.  The first thing my eldest said to me was are there going to be games, even though he was very young he clearly remember the experience of the awful party.  I doubted it but did check for him, it was just going to be food and play nothing structured at all.  He loved it.  We have been to other parties since, some ok some not so, where there are games, noise or unfamiliar children he usually sits in another room on to one side often reading a book!  Luckily for us there is no longer any coercion to join in the games so he is totally accepted into the celebration whatever he chooses to do.

When he was coming up to his seventh birthday later he announced that he would like to have a few friends round to play on his birthday.  He was very sure about what he wanted for the day, no games, no singing happy birthday but he did want a cake so he could blow out the candles!   So at age seven he had two friends over for the afternoon they were the first children to celebrate his birthday with him.  He has told me that this is how he wishes to celebrate his birthday for now.  He is a winter baby so it is hard for us to go outside and celebrate as it is often wet and cold on the day.  I know that he would love to be outside in the woods or somewhere similar for the day perhaps when he is a little older we will do that but for now he is content with what we are doing.

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Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. Read about how others are incorporating simple living and parenthood. We hope you will join us next month when we discuss Money Matters!

 

• Parties - sustainablemum explains how and why she keeps her birthday celebrations for her eldest a simple affair at his behest.
• Simple Birthday Celebrations - Birthdays are kept simple at Living Peacefully with Children. Mandy shares how her family celebrates birthdays without the stress and expense.
• Countdown to a Simple Christmas - Start now to prepare your house and home for the holidays. Steps to take each month to enjoy a much simpler approach to Christmas.
• Simply Celebrate - Jorje has tried celebrating kid birthdays BIG and small... which one do you think was more simple? less stressful?
• That's a Wrap - At Parentwin, Darlena describes her experiences with wrapping gifts and how she has changed her ideals when it comes to gift giving.
• Simple Celebrations - Laura at Authentic parenting shares how her family keeps celebrations simple.

 

Changes

Welcome to the February edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - New Beginnings cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month's topic, our writers consider where they are with their New Year's Resolutions or new ventures of 2013. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

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In my post as part of the last carnival I talked about how important rhythm is to my family.  It is what gives our week shape.  The rhythm that we have is one that has developed over the last eighteen months and has pretty much stayed the same over that time, that is until recently.  For the last few months it has been changing.  Most of our rhythm revolves around meeting up with families on a regular basis.  This has become really important to my children, it's predictably anchors their week they know which day follows which.  The recent changes have left them unsettled and disappointed.  I had hoped that things may return to as they were over time but I have now realised that that is not going to happen,  I need to make some changes.

I have been mulling this over, over the last few weeks trying to decide the best way forward.  I don't want to sever ties with friends but I need to accept that the current situation is not working for my family.  I have had a long conversation with one friend regarding one of the days and now feel really positive about how that could work in the future.  But what I need to do now is plan and think ahead.

Each weekend, or earlier if need be, I will think about the week ahead, where plans are not tied down, I will confirm them. If it is not possible to do this I will plan alternatives which might be meeting with other friends or a day out as a family.  I hope that by preparing in this way we will not have as much uncertainty over what we are doing each week and hope this will give my children back the stability of their rhythm.  A simple plan to continue simply living.

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Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. Read about how others are incorporating simple living into their lives via new beginnings. We hope you will join us next month, as the Simply Living Blog Carnival focuses on Clearing the Clutter!

 

• Using Special Time to Simply Connect - Amber at Heart Wanderings begins to focus on simply connecting with each of her children for a few minutes of Special Time each day. A deeper connection and sense of joy, softening of emotional outbursts, and less sibling rivalry have resulted from this practice.
• Redefining Simplicity - Living within our needs - Survivor from Surviving Mexico talks about how moving from a first-world country to a third world country has changed her family's perception of simplicity. Adapting to this new life has not been easy, but can be done with an attitude of gratitude.
• Changes - Sustainable mom writes about how she is bringing back a beat to a rhythm that has been falling apart.
• Listening to my Kids - Christy at Eco Journey In The Burbs is seeking peace and freedom after over-scheduling her daughters.
• Thankful to Begin Again - Mercedes @ Project Procastinot learns a lesson from her twins.
• Changes for a New Year - Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is concentrating on making small changes this year in an effort to make better habits.
• Parenting Two: A Fresh Start - Joella at Fine and Fair embraces the transition as her family grows as a new beginning by being gentle with herself and realistic with her expectations.
• Finding Balance - At Authentic Parenting, Laura looks at where she's gotten fighting depression and spiraling to a more harmonious life.

Perfection

We strive in our lives to make things perfect.  You only have to open certain magazines or newspapers and read the articles or look at the adverts that show us how others think we should be living our lives.  Do we really want our homes and ourselves to look that?  Is that really what we want or is it what we think we want?

We want our houses to be tidy and clean most, if not all, of the time.  Is this practical and achievable if you have children.  Why is this important to so many of us, where does this pressure come from.  If we are sitting with our children reading to them or playing a game with them, but all the time thinking I really should be doing x or y, we are so distracted that we are not present with our children.  Not only are we not doing x or y we are are also not giving our time to our children either.

It is important to consider what our priorities need to be.  Do we want our house to always be clean and tidy, do we want to spend the maximum time possible being present with our children, do we want to always cook every meal from scratch. do we want only shop for food once a week etc.  It is much easier to achieve our goals if we decide what they should be and them aim for them, however it is also vital to be realistic.  There is no point having a list of goals that is not achievable, simply because there are too many on the list.

As a mother we have many pulls on our time.   I remember a time when I would spend the day doing things with my children but I wasn't present with them and they knew it.  I was thinking about all the things I could or should be doing.  And is not just about all the jobs in the house that need doing, it is also about us, as people, being able to do stuff for ourselves.  Often as a Mother your me time is drastically reduced or non-existent unless you want to stay up late or get up mega early and as result be sleep deprived too.  Or I suppose you could just spend the day ignoring your children.

After the birth of my youngest child I bemoaned the loss of my me time (I had just started to get it back after the first).  I resented the fact that it had gone, and that everyone in the house (including my husband) could do what they wanted when they wanted except me.  I soon realised that such resentment was destructive it was affecting my relationship with my children and my husband.  It was time for me re-evaluate what was important, what were my priorities.  My me time would have to be put on hold for a short while, it would not be that long in the bigger scheme of things .  I also decided that I needed to be present for my children as much as possible.  It was important to me that I could spend time cooking meals from scratch and allow time to plan a week of meals, put together a shopping list of the ingredients and shop once a week for everything we will need for those meals (and anything else we needed from the local town).  I no longer have the daily dilemma at some point in the day of what are we going to have for tea tonight.

My house is less tidy, it gets cleaned less often (apart from the kitchen counters) the hoover is only out sporadically, but I think my house is a calmer place for it.  I have more balance in my life.