Thirteen

Last week we had a birthday here in this house, Alice is now a teenager.  I am now a parent to two teenagers.  I know some dread the thought of that or hated that time as it was really hard for them.   I am loving this age, it has been the best of all the years of being a parent for me, so far.  Teenagers are great company, at least mine are.

Each year I write a letter to my children for their birthday these words are for you Alice.

At end of your thirteenth time round the sun it has been yet another year of change, your third in a row.  I had real hope that this might finally be the end of changes, until we had some news this week that more changes are still to come.

I know that you have found those changes hard, especially your big brother going off to college.  He had been at home with you full time all your life, it was all you ever knew.  We took it slow, you and I, feeling our way to finding our feet.  I feel like we have found our way now and I hope that you do too.  I feel sure that you would tell me if things were not right for you.  

At the same time as your brother starting college, several of your friends started school.  It meant the end of a group that has been part of your life for years, this is the second time this has happened to you and I know that you found this really challenging.  Although there was hope that we would continue to meet up with them that has not been the reality.  You knew that would be the case and it has made the transition really hard.  There were times when you were really lonely and did not know where you fitted into things. I hope that has changed for you now as we have made new connections.

In the past few weeks you have now found out that another friend is starting school, this is another connection that may be lost for you too.  There is hope that this one will stay with you, only time will tell if that is the case.

The hardest change for you has been your best friend moving to Ireland to live.  You have known this was a possibility for a while now, but it was hard for you to know how that would feel until it became a reality.  You are so busy with Jamboree fundraising and training that you know it will not be possible to travel to visit before that has taken place.  That is so hard for you.  You have been connecting online, messaging each other and chatting for hours and playing Minecraft together, you treasure those moments.  It is not the same but you are making the most of this time, the hours you spent chatting and playing online on your actual birthday was so special for you.

Talking of the Jamboree, wow!  When I first told you about it you replied without hesitation I want to apply for a place.  I was really surprised that you would want to go but was totally behind you applying.  It was a bumpy road for you to get a place with a selection day cancelled due to a storm and then you got a positive COVID test the week of the rescheduled date.  You seemed calm whilst waiting to hear the outcome but I will never forget you face when I told you you had earned a place.  You cried with joy worrying your best friend who you were online with at the time.  I am so immensely proud of you, for putting yourself forward, for all that you had to do to earn yourself a place and how hard you are working towards the fundraising that we need to do.  The skills you are learning will stay with you for life.

You love everything you have done in the Scouting movement, you have been desperate to join since you were three and your big brother started in Beavers.  That day could not come soon enough for you, the nearly two years you missed through the lockdowns and our village group not doing anything online or restarting meant that you were really keen to join a group somewhere else.  You so often asked me to find an alternative group for you and are so happy in the new one.  You have been on so many great adventures with them already including a weekend of caving, a new, to you, activity.

You continue to love to be outdoors and now that you are taller and stronger we did two wild camping walking expeditions last summer.  You carried all your own kit and your share of the tent, we wild swam in many tarns, you love for wild swimming has gone from strength to strength, I am in awe of your ability to do so without a wetsuit in really cold water.  You really do not seem to feel the cold.

Our slow journey into finding a new routine for you has led to you trying lots of new things.  You have been hesitant and unsure at first but you have found a way through that and now love the things you do.  You started at a music group where you are now learning to play the guitar.  Your regular gymnastics class changed for you as you moved up to an older group, you found this transition really hard as no-one in the class would talk to you.  They had their own friends already.  We talked and talked about this, why they were doing it and whether you wanted to carry on, your love for gymnastics was stronger and you have now made friends with some other new girls to the group, supporting them as they too make the transition.  You come home smiling now, one of those new friends even bought you a birthday present which you were so grateful for.  You have also started a second gymnastics class specifically for home educated children which you absolutely love.  You have made new connections through that class and are hoping you can see them more when we start a John Muir award with them and others soon.

You absolutely loved the holiday we had with extended family, spending time with your grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts is so important to you.  You are really looking forward to doing that again next year.

It has been a year of change for you both outside and within you too.  In the past you have had birthday parties with several friends, this year you wanted a quiet day at home spending time online with your dearest friends.  I took you ice skating the day after followed by a picnic in the park, we met friends for this and you had a lovely day.

You still have an inner confidence that is not an over confidence.  You are kind and thoughtful around your friends.  You are slowly getting to grips with the emotional changes that you feel overwhelm you at times, you find those times overpowering and confusing, this will not last forever, I am confident that you will find a way to be at peace with them.  In a year of big changes you have found resilience and acceptance, such important but hard skills to have.  Your willingness to listen and accept that how others behave around you is not always a direct response to how you are but, as much things that are going on for them, has been important for you to hear, as you have navigated through those changes.  

You are compassionate and kind to others, most especially those that are dear to you.  You have a loving heart and are wonderful company.

Happy Birthday my love, I am proud to be your mum.  

Seventeen

I returned to writing in this wee space after a pause as I love to write a post around the time of each of my children's birthdays.   When I noticed that the last post was for Cameron's birthday a year ago  I knew it was time to return.  Each of these posts are words that are dedicated and about them, I love to read them back as a reminder of each year of their life.

Although your seventeenth time around of the sun was now completed over a month ago, I write these words for you Cameron, better late than never.

You had a very quiet birthday this year, we were so lucky to have you at home with us to share it with you.  It was a very wet and cold day so we were not able to do what you had wanted, to visit a local place for you to be able to take photographs, you new found love.  You never want to have a party so you spent some of the day online playing and chatting with the friends you have made online, that live all over the world.  You were deeply touched by all the online messages you received wishing you a happy birthday.

You have continued to grow taller this year, at a much slower rate than in previous years just adding an inch, so you now stand at six foot, being as slim as you are you look so much taller.  I have no idea where all the food you eat goes, you remain so thin, you love your food and it is a pleasure to cook for you, you eat so healthily and are never ill another year has passed without you needing to attend a doctors appointment. 

It has been a big year of change for you this year which you have taken in your stride, you were ready for those changes.   The first step in this change was to attend an open day, just after your sixteenth birthday, at the college you now attend, you were really nervous but were determined to go on your own, I was so proud of you.  You needed a little remote help from me to step over the threshold but we got there and you impressed all the staff once you were inside the building.  Exams were out of our reach as a home educating family, with Covid changing them to tutor assessments they had become prohibitively expensive, but that was no problem, your visit to the college, an interview and your portfolio of creative arts that you put together yourself gained you a place.  In September you started.  I cried that first day you went off, confident and looking forward to being a college student.  You had been at home learning with me all your life and you left a big gaping hole in those early days when you were a college.  I love the time you are at home with us.  You are a dedicated and hard working, I love that you share what you are doing, so proud to show people what you have created.  You have loved the graphic design elements of your course and are now considering applying to do the next level course in that subject.

Despite knowing early on this year that we would not need to do exams to get you a place at college you continue to work through the workbooks in English and Maths to ensure that when you started college (and do the exams in these two subjects next year later through them) you would not find it hard in those lessons.  Your hard work has paid off, you are now finding pleasure in both those subjects and are confident, whereas in the past you felt you would never reach the skill level needed, to sit the exam.  The commitment you have made will be a useful skill as you move through life.

I knew that you were ready for college when you hosted an online tutorial for a small group of children, it was not possible for you to do this face to face due to restrictions at the time.  You spent an hour hosting a tutorial on how to draw a car, there were eight children ranging in age from 7 to 15.  You were really well prepared and all the children loved it particularly the younger members who learnt so much.  The standard of drawings was amazing and it was all down to how you explained and structured your tutorial, you gave them complete freedom to draw any style of car they wanted to with explanations about scale and perspective and why you were doing things in the order that you were.   This was the last element of your arts award which you worked so hard on during lockdown, we have now handed your portfolio in for assessment and are waiting to hear the outcome.

I love that you have made so many friends online this year, they live all over the world and you chat with them most days.  You have been talking about wanting to visit Norway for about the last seven or eight years and are delighted that you have made a lovely connection with someone from that country.  I feel sure that your dream to go and visit Norway will happen now and even better you have a friend who can share his country with you.

You still get up early every morning to deliver papers to houses in our village.  You continue to be a valued employee you help deliver papers to the whole village on a Saturday when a local weekly newspaper considerably increases the volume of papers that need delivering.  On Sundays you are trusted to go and pick up the papers which are left in a secure place for you as the shop is shut for the day.  You continue to spend your money wisely and have added over £1000 to your savings account this year, you now have a considerable sum saved for your future.

You were saving your money to buy yourself a car.  You have been looking forward to learning to drive (you have to be 17 to learn in the UK) for the past two or three years but now that this time has arrived you are not so bothered.  I was somewhat surprised, but talking it through with you have discovered that you are worried about the costs of owning your own car, as a teenager the insurance is prohibitive here.  You are going to learn to drive but not buy a car just yet, we just need to find someone to give you lessons, all the instructors are so busy with a backlog caused by Covid restrictions.

I wrote last year about your wit and humour which still keeps me entertained, I miss that at mealtimes on your college days.  I love how your relationship with your sister has not altered by you being out at college, how I can wander upstairs and find you both deep in conversation.  Your sister loves this and I know she would love to do it more, she treasures those moments.  I also continue to love your taste in music, you are still introducing me to music that I love and you have started to do that with your sister too.

I am so grateful for your patience and understanding when I get it wrong as a parent.  As my oldest I am always finding my feet with being the best parent I can be.  I am proud to be your mum.

I hope you had a lovely birthday, my love.

Sixteen

We celebrated a birthday in this house a week or so ago.  I am not sure where the time is going these days, I can't believe it is over two weeks since I last posted.  My life is full and happy at the moment but writing blog posts seems to have taken a back seat, crazy really when I have so much to post about!  Anyway, a birthday.  Cameron turned sixteen.  We had a quiet celebration as is his wont.  I took him to meet a friend for a very cold mountain bike ride, he was lucky that despite lockdown that was allowed, that was all that he wanted, he has never had a birthday party with lots of people, he loathes that kind of gathering for himself.  As he celebrates his sixteenth time round the sun, I write these words for him.

You are so much taller than me, about four inches now.  I feel so short when I stand next to you, like I have shrunk and you have stretched.  Your hair is long and still blond, down to your waist and you have this particular way of flicking it over your shoulder to get it out of your way.  Your voice has stopped that squeakiness which I know you found funny, flipping between high and low mid sentence, it has now dropped completely.  Your eating carries on a pace.  I am not sure where you put it all as you are still stick thin and weigh less than me, I am sure you will fill out in time if your appetite continues as it is now.  

You continue to be an amazing employee, the glowing praise I hear from your employers makes me so proud.  You get yourself up every morning to deliver newspapers to houses in our village.  It is has given you so many skills, some of which you may not even realise at the moment.  You are wise with your money, saving most of it.  You bought yourself a very expensive mountain bike this year, it cost £1000 second hand, it took you months to save that amount.  You love your bike and look after it with such care. When it needed some work doing on it that you couldn't do yourself you had the money to pay for it.  We were so lucky to get it back the day before our county went into full lockdown.  You had some amazing bike rides with your dad during that time, gone for hours, exploring the hills around our home.

Lockdown hasn't bothered you.  You love your own company and are happy to while away hours in a book, or hanging out online on the computer that you have also bought for yourself this year.  You were offered part of a PC from a friend, you consulted your Uncle, the computer knowledgeable member of our family, over whether it was a good buy.  You researched what you needed to buy and saved your money to build it into a gaming PC of your own.  You put it together yourself and solved the problems you had along the way.  I have noticed this year that when you get a problem you quietly get on with sorting it, in the past you have thought that you couldn't do this and have stopped at the first hurdle with lots of noise and frustration.  I hope the resilience you have built for solving problems this year will stand you in good stead, they are useful skills to have.

You interest in design has continued to grow this year, you are always drawing, mostly cars.   You have decided that you want to develop your art and design skills and are considering a college course for next year.  It might mean that you have to take some exams to get a place.  I thought this would put you off, but it hasn't and we are now working towards a couple of exams.  You have a place on a virtual open evening at the college next month when you hope to find out more about the course you want to do and what you will need to get a place.  If you do go it will be your first step into an educational establishment since leaving nursery age 4.  It is a big step which you are taking in your stride.

We left you overnight on your own this year.  You cooked your own tea and got yourself up for work in the morning.  You were offered the option to stay with a friend but that is not what you wanted.  You loved your time by yourself and were so proud of your cooking.  You have not shown any interest in it before, I am so glad that you were able to make yourself a meal, one that you made up with ingredients you chose.  You loved that it was so tasty.

You continue to be a delight to be around.  I love your wit, your humour, the words you come out with that have me doubling over in laughter.  Your dry and caustic way of looking at the world which is not hurtful or poking fun.  Meal times are such fun especially when you and your sister get going!  Your relationship with your sister has shifted this year.  You have needed to change the way that you interact with her, not wanting to play the games that she wants to.  It has taken a while but you have found the middle ground that you both need, most of your time together is spent talking with small amounts of play.

You have great taste in music, I love the artists you have introduced to me in the past year, widening my already eclectic tastes still further.  I love that we can share our love of listening to music and that you have found genres of music that you love.

You continue to be my greatest teacher.  I am so grateful for your continued patience with my mistakes as I learn to be the best parent I can be.  It feels like your seventeenth year round the sun is going to be a year of big changes for us both.  I am so proud to be your mum, happy birthday my love.

Fifteen
Eleven
Ten
Nine
Eight

Eleven

Last week we celebrated the end of Alice's eleventh year round the sun, a year that has been full of change.  She wasn't able to do what she would have liked for her birthday, which is to spend a whole day with her best friend.  She had to make do with her family instead, luckily her birthday was on a bank holiday this year so Daddy was at home too.  She spent many hours playing and talking to friends on video calls and several friends and some family joined us on Zoom to sing her Happy Birthday with her cake.

So at the end of year of change Alice, I write these words for you.

You have found talking about things that matter to you so much easier this year, your emotional thoughts have slowly come into focus more for you and you have been finding ways to express these.  You can explain what you mean and find the words without getting so frustrated.  You have always been good at telling us how you feel about things but sometimes you needed our help to make sense of what you were feeling.  This may have been because you started the year knowing that a dear friend was going to move away.  She lived a forty five minute drive away which wasn't that close but now she is hundreds of miles away in another country. It was hard for you, knowing that she was leaving when she was still here.  I tried to make sure that you got lots of time together in those last weeks whilst knowing that it would not ease the pain for you.  We talked a lot about how we could keep your connection alive despite the distance.  You wrote each other letters and you started to video call each other once or twice a month, not knowing at the time that this would stand you in good stead in the last few months of your eleventh year.  You have found this separation very hard, there are times it has made you cry, a lot, you were frustrated but at the same time you understood why.

In the way that life can often throw things at us, with unfortunate timing a month after your dear friend left, you had yet more change.  A French class you have been part of for five years had to come to stop, we weren't sure for how long and luckily it was just a pause but at the time we did not know that.  It wasn't quite the same watching French videos on YouTube to keep your learning going, you missed the lovely lady that runs the class, you missed the friends who you only saw then.  A visit to the dentist in the same week we found this out, we learnt that he was moving back to his home country, he had been your dentist all your life and you had just found the confidence to sit in the chair by yourself.  The cumulative effect of these was so unsettling for you.

Whilst they were difficult things for you to process and make sense of, I hope that they have made it easier for you to think things through and talk about them, a skill that will stand you in good stead as you make your way in the world.

You have continued in your usual determined way to master the skill of reading, this is not something you are ever going to find easy but that has not stopped you trying very hard to learn.  You have started to look at books yourself, reading them in your own way something you have never done before.  You have read to me a lot less this year, I think this has actually helped you, you need time to help things bed in before trying again.  I am proud of your determination to overcome your difficulties.

Whilst you have found reading difficult there are many other things that you can do with ease, often things that I find really hard.  You built a complicated wooden kit from scratch, I read the instructions to you and you got on with, it was completely incomprehensible to me.  You have discovered a love of needle felting this year, you have made fairies, animals, dragons and many other things.  I have enjoyed learning to do this alongside you as it is new to me too.  You haven't needed a pattern to start with, although you asked for books, for you birthday, to help you develop your skills.  Many of things you have made have been presents for your friends, I love that you want to make them things rather than go out and buy something.

Your body is beginning the changes from a girl to a woman, we have talked about these changes and what they mean.  It has been hard for me watch my little girl changing but I am also loving this time to be by your side holding your hand and guiding you through.

The last few months of your year have been very difficult for you, as they have for everyone, for you the lack of face to face interaction with your friends has been very hard.  You love to be around people all the time, you are not keen on your own company.  It is not surprising as you have been attending home ed meet ups since you were a few months old, being around groups of people has always been part of your life.  You are loving the video calls that you have, one for each day of the week, but they are not the same, by the end of your birthday it hit you hard.  We will get through this my love, it is hard whilst we are living through it but one day we will be able to look back and think about what we coped with and how much stronger that has made us.

I hope your twelfth year is a little easier for you, Happy Birthday my love, I am proud to be your mum.

Seven
Six
Five
Four
Three

Fifteen

We celebrated a birthday in our house this week with a quiet celebration, Cameron is not a fan of large groups or birthday parties.  He wanted to go mountain biking with a friend so that is what he did.  As he celebrates his fifteenth time round the sun, I write these words for him

This has been a year of big changes for you, some days you seem to visibly grow before our eyes, this time last year you were shorter than me now you are 2 inches taller than me, growing inches this year.  Your appetite is hard to keep up with at times, you always seem to be hungry, there is so much that needs feeding for you that it makes me happy to see you eat so much and so well.  You have no interest in cooking but you know what food you want to nourish you and keep you healthy.  Your voice is dropping and you are slowly building your adult strength, I cannot keep up with you when we go for a walk your legs go on for ever.

You started this year with a tentative connection to a new friend and have ended it with strong connections to two lovely friends.  It has given me such pleasure to watch these connections grow and flourish.  You have spent so long on the edge of a group whom you have known for years but were struggling to connect with, unsurprising as they are so rude and unkind to you.  This last year has shown you that there are people out there who are like you, gentle, kind souls, and now you no longer wish to spend time with the group of old friends, a decision that makes me so happy and I know you will not regret.  It is has had a effect on your happiness too, you are so much more content now.

You are so tolerant of the time we spend with your sister's friends, children who are much younger than you but who love to hang out with an older child.  They all love it when you join in their games or sit and chat with them, they look out for you too seeking me out to tell me when you were hurt at a home ed camp and then coming back later in the day to find out how you were doing.

You are learning to honing your leadership skills as you often take charge when playing in groups, you bring everyone into the game as fairly as you can, negotiating with everyone with your strong sense of fair play.  You like to come and talk to me about this afterwards seeking reassurance and guidance that you are on the right track.

This has been the year when you have loved being left alone in the house.  It has always been in your terms, but it is what you have wanted.  You have always been a home boy and happy in your own company, so being left alone in the house is perfect for you.  You have had three days on your own, with dad's company in the evenings, which felt like a big step but again it is what you wanted, you had a great time but it was wonderful to see you big smile when we returned home after our travels.

You have shown me that being the parent of a teenager is a wonderful privilege.  You have a great sense of humour and comedic timing, you often have us all in stitches with your one liners particularly at meal times.  There is no monosyllabic grunting from you, in fact sometimes I ask you if we could just take a short break as my head hurts with all the knowledge you are passing on to me.

I have now been a mother for fifteen years, the most amazing fifteen years of my life.  Thank you for being tolerant of my mistakes as I learn all the time what it takes to be the best parent I can be.  I am so proud to be your mum.

Happy Birthday, my love.

Eleven
Ten
Nine
Eight

Seven

Last week we celebrated the end of Alice's seventh year around the sun, a year packed with adventure and lots of unexpected happenings too.  She wanted a party this year, last year we went camping as a family, and a few weeks before her birthday told me who we were to invite, it was a lengthy list six friends plus siblings we had fourteen extra people in our little house.  It was the perfect occasion and it never felt that there were that many people around even when we squashed round the table for lunch. Luckily the rain that was forecast never arrived so much time was spent outdoors.

Like all the years in a child's life it has been one of big changes, it has felt to me like a transition time, a time when she is on the cusp between one world and another.  These words, Alice, are for you.

You started the year not really knowing your numbers or any of your letters, you were frustrated by your, as you saw it, lack of drawing skills comparing yourself to yourself to Cameron who has a few years head start on you.  Your preference was to play with one child at a time, you didn't like to play in big groups of children although you loved attending our groups you wanted one on one play even there.  You were starting to look to me for help with your learning which caught me on the hop as Cameron was much older.

You mastered those numbers, slowly at first getting those dreaded teens wrong, they the wrong way round according to you and elevens and twelves those daft numbers that follow no logic were a little behind them.  But as I got the measure of how you learn, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience, you mastered them, more than mastered them you were manipulating them within a few short weeks in ways that I would never have expected.  It was a time that make me glad I had paused for thought when considering your education a few years earlier, school a greater possibility than for Cameron.

Excited by your number learning you wanted to try the letters too so we got started.  I could soon see you were not ready and we quietly put that to rest until a few weeks ago when you started asking again, the time feels right now.  I have created a entirely new project for us both to share and you are loving it, excited each day we work on it.

You haven't given up on that drawing, I am so glad, you have found your own style and tackle everything and anything without hesitation.  I have always admired your tenacity you came close to giving up but I am so glad you didn't.

I love that when we are sharing books together you ask so many questions relating to the story.  In fact your questions have taken on a new level, enquiry is at the heart of them.  You are trying to make sense of the big wide world out there, with slow steps.  I am here my love to hold your hand wherever it takes you.

You have made lots of new friends this year.  Your best friend is the one you made first, one that I hope you are in touch with for many years and decades to come.  You are both strong willed characters but you could play for hours and hours together and do, happily.  You are both sad when you part.  We started attending a new group, to us, just over a year ago so that we could meet children your age.  You made one friend early on who you played with every week we were both there but you struggled when she wasn't.  She wanted to join others and play in a group, you weren't sure.  You were unsure how that kind of play worked, but you have got it sussed and now you have the confidence to join other groups of children at play even when you don't know them all.

You are moving away from me ever more.  You have spent whole days at friends houses and two nights away from me on sleepovers.  I thought it would a few more years before that happened but you have been so happy (and tired) when you returned that I know that you have really enjoyed yourself.

You are my outdoor child.  You would spend each and every day outside all year round, this is one of the few bits of you that is like me.  We have camped so much this year an activity which always makes you so happy.  You especially loved our wild camping when we walked miles carrying everything we needed, your little legs taking you where we needed to be and loving every minute of it.  You are so much more grounded and happy when you have had time outside.

And then right in the middle of your year round the sun you got ill, really ill.  You are a healthy soul, bouncing back from any illness quickly most lasting no more than 36 hours.  You rarely pick up coughs and colds.  This was different and knocked you and me sideways.  I hope that was a one off.  I know that it has knocked you in more ways than one.  It took us both a long time to really properly recover and there are still parts of us that haven't.  I hope that time helps with that.

I am looking forward to your eighth year round the sun.  I know that it is going to bring more adventures, I can't wait........

Happy Birthday my love.

Six, Five, Four, Three

Eleven

Like I have read on so many blogs recently we too have been celebrating a birthday in our house this week.  Cameron celebrated eleven times round the sun on Thursday with a quiet day at home and a friend for tea, which were his requests.  Daddy suprised him by returning home a day early from working away and spent the afternoon at home with us.

So eleven years of being a mother, the best eleven years of my life so far.  We forge this journey together you and I, learning from each other.  I don't always get it right and am always grateful that you are so understanding of the mistakes I make.  You are a gentle, sensitive soul.  You have changed so much in the last year, making my heart swell and sing so many times.  When I talk to grandma about you and what you have been doing she tells me that I was the same, this makes me happy as I know all will be well.

You have moved into a new level of independence.  You were a Beaver Scout for a year when you were seven but decided that Cubs was not for you.  When you discovered you were old enough to start Scouts you went off by yourself to the first meeting.  You have made your first friend in the village, someone whose house you can walk to, a friend to go off on bike rides with, walks with and hang out with all things you have done over the past months.  This has not been without its problems, especially when we lost each other in the village in the dark, but you used your head and worked out what to do and we found each other with a hug.  You were upset but calm, happy to be safely reunited

You have made some big decisions about friends.  About what they mean to you.  About other people's behaviour.  We have long discussions about big issues.  You are thoughtful but not judgemental.  I can see that some things you are still grappling with and others you have sorted for yourself.

You are looking to me more for guidance with your learning.  Seeking out a bit more structure than you have wanted in the past.  We have been talking about the future of your learning, school or not to school for now we are sticking with the latter.

It feels like it has been a big year, with growth both physical and mental.  I feel we have grown so much closer, we talk about everything and anything something you have not found easy with in the past.  I hope we can continue on that path for your twelfth year round the sun.

Ten
Nine
Eight

Six

We have celebrated two birthdays in our house this month, neither of them Alice's.  In fact she is is the only person in our house whose birthday is not in the Autumn, something she found really hard when she was younger.  I was on a little blogging holiday when we celebrated her birthday, but as this lovely blogger commented recently 'Who do I blog for?  And at the end, I blog for me......to keep a record of my time with my children', so although a few months has passed this is my record.

Alice's birthday will sometimes fall on a public holiday in the UK, so every few years she will have Daddy at home for the day and this year was even better, it was a public holiday and Daddy took a few days off work afterwards too.  This was so that we could meet her request for the party she wanted, camping with her family.  We took ourselves off to a lovely small campsite an hour down the road where we enjoyed wonderful weather, beautiful scenery, long walks and each other.

Six.  Those years have gone by fast.  As you enter your seventh year round the sun you continue to be my guide still holding my hand to show me the way.  You have moved slowly away from me this year, tentatively at first, spending time with your best friend, the best place for you to go off on your own.  It has paved the way for you to start Beaver Scouts which you have wanted to join since you were four, it has been a long two year wait.

Your world is full of wonder and imagination, everything is 'wonderful' and 'amazing'.  The games you play take you all over the place, you are often packing to go camping, on picnics, plane rides and all manner of exciting places.  Objects are phones one minute, plates the next or tickets for your latest puppet show.  You have become a collector of all manner of things, you could open your own museum of curiosities, your pockets are always full of little bits when we return from a walk.  I have to be sure to check your pockets before putting your clothes in the wash!

You wanted to learn to read this year but decided that you weren't ready yet so turned to writing instead, squiggles first of all which have slowly turned into beautiful letters.  You write everyday now, practicing, practicing so that you can be as good as Cameron who told you that is what he did.

You wanted to learn to count beyond ten, the words for the numbers between there up to twenty so difficult for you to remember.  Beyond twenty is so easy you say, logical, so in your frustration one day you ask why do they have to be back to front so we have turned the words round, for now.  The digits you find so easy.

Your bond with Cameron is as strong as ever, I love to watch you two play and interact together solving your disagreements....well most of the time.  You loved all the presents I made you which I will share another day.  I hope your birthday was all you wanted it to be.

Ten

As the parent of a child who loathes Parties I have come to expect that my eldest would not want me to hire a hall and invite a crowd of children to engage in lots of noisy games.  This year his actual birthday fell on the day we go to Forest School, he wanted to go to that but asked if he could also go birdwatching and meet up with his best friend.  What we ended up with were three days of 'celebrations'.  The birdwatching was fantastic we visited a local RSPB reserve, the birthday boy really wanted to see Bitterns and Bearded Tits but it seems that neither were willing to come out of their hiding places even for a birthday but we did see an Otter swimming and a Kingfisher fishing, not bad really!

Ten seems like a big milestone for me I can remember being ten myself, memories that are strong and vivid.  Double digits.  Is that really significant given that most of us remain in double digits for the rest of our lives?  It feels like I have been a parent for ages, but yet it seems to be yesterday that he was born.

Ten years he has been guiding me, holding my hand on this most difficult of journeys being a parent.  As a first born you are always forging the way, I am a first born too, as is my mother.  I know I get it wrong, often.  I thank you from the bottom of my heart for your patience and understanding which you have in bucket loads.  I read what I wrote last year and so much of that is still true but yet changed.

You stand back and wait, never rushing in.  Pausing and thoughtful.  When you are ready you will engage, but in your own way.  Somehow you always make that fit into what is happening even if it is not quite the same as everyone else.  It works they let you in, you have subtly shifted things without anyone really noticing.

You have made bread this year.  First with friends and then just you and me in our kitchen.  I never, never thought I would see that day.  You hate that kind of activity always have.  I thought my heart would burst when I watched you for the first time, slowly (as is your way) engaging with the dough.  Checking it out.  Pressing and touching.

It has been a hard year for you this one.  Your beloved grandfather died not long before your ninth birthday.  You miss him greatly and we talk about him often.  You want to keep his memory alive.  You have been asking many questions about him and his life before you were born.

You have started to write.  Not long stories but writing nonetheless.  I knew you would when you were ready and ready you are now.  We are taking it slow.  I don't want to put you off.  You are compiling a book of memories of your grandfather, word by word, page by page.  I hope that you can make friends of writing and not be put off it like so many boys seem to be.

We have read many books together, I love that you still love me to read to you.  I have introduced you to poetry and you love them, listening for the moment the best way to engage with them in my book.  Your books are still strewn here, there and everywhere a trail of where you have been sat reading.

You are kind, thoughtful and generous

Happy Birthday my love

Five

Five times you have been round the sun. Sometimes it feels like it has passed in the blink of an eye, sometimes I take the time to pause and savour those special moments with you.  When I read back the words I wrote this time last year all those words still wring true.

You love to sing and really enjoy the singing group we go to every week, the first activity we have joined especially for you.

I love to spend time in the kitchen with you as we cook together and in the garden as we weed and plant.

You still love to be by my side but you are venturing out more and more, slowly and surely.  You make 'friends' everywhere we go, talking confidently to other children and then tell me what they have said when we leave.

I love to watch you engaging with other children taking those tentative steps to introduce yourself with no help from me, it is not something I or your older brother did.  You love company in what ever form that comes spending time with people feeds your soul, I need to remember this and ensure you get enough time immersed in company.  Your brother and I need time alone to feed our souls.  You have made friends that are important to you, children you want to spend time with each and every week.

You have always asked lots of questions but recently they have changed.  You want to know more about this world we live, how it works, what things are for, why we do things the way we do and what things say.  Letters and words are of great interest, the lines and squiggles in a book mean something and you want to find out more.  You 'read' books to yourself all the time.

I hold your hand as you venture out into the world and you are also holding mine, showing me the way. How to be a parent to a child who is often different from me.  You accept my mistakes and tell me it is ok.  Your frustrations at what you are unable to do, turns to cuddles and snuggles when we have worked it out together.

You love to play games together and are not bothered if you win or lose, in this you are like me not your competitive brother or father.

In the last year you have learnt to swim and ride a bike.

I love your company as does your brother, whom you miss deeply when he is out with friends.  Your bond is strong which makes my heart sing.  I am proud to be your mum, happy birthday my little one.

Nine

Three days ago we celebrated a birthday in our house.  Our eldest is now nine, I know it is a cliché to exclaim where have the years gone and how did that happen but it does feel that way.  I write this for him.

You teach me so much.

When you were very young the changes in you were easy to see, obvious signs, you are still changing but it is more subtle I have to took hard to really see.  You make me do that often, to stop and really look.

You are passionate about so much, you put your heart and soul into what you do it is you and only you.  You don't pretend to be someone else to fit in, if you don't like what others are doing you say so.  You know your mind.

You still love to read, cross legged on the sofa or floor.  You still leave them everywhere like a trail behind you.  You have discovered fiction this year and consume book after book sometimes three or four in a day.  You have loved me reading to you again, much to my delight,  you haven't wanted this for a long time.

Your knowledge still amazes me, when I take you to places that you want to go you tell me about what we are looking at, you have read, absorbed and remembered.

You have shown me that it is possible to be creative without getting your hands dirty.  You are not a tactile person and never have been.  You really don't like anything soft or squidgy.  You prefer harder materials like Lego, pens and pencils for drawing, wool for weaving and knitting.  You have enjoyed learning to knit over the last few months you asked me to teach you.

You love your little sister with a passion, you are distressed if she is hurt or upset.  You play together for hours sometimes her demands are too much for you but this happens less and less these days.  She is the only person you give in to.....

I love all your questions you make me think.  When I cannot answer them it is great to find out together, to think about where we could find the answer and then look it up.  I learn with you.

Something in you is changing, your friendships are altering slowly, subtly.  Maybe you will move from some this year, time will tell.

You are kind, thoughtful and generous.

Happy Birthday my love.

Four

This is not my usual Wednesday post, sharing knitting and reading.  I have knitted very little this week, the last few rows of the baby cardigan I posted about last week which is now off the needles with the ends tidied up, needs blocking and buttons.  I have read nothing at all really.  I have been busy camping, canoeing and getting prepared for both.  We have also been celebrating, my youngest turned four this week her birthday was on Saturday but we were busy away helping out at a scout camp so we postponed it until today.  She loved the knitted animals I posted about yesterday.  We had a small celebration with a few friends over for a play, a birthday lunch and a chocolate cake with candles, her requests!

This last year has felt like a huge learning journey for her, she has changed so much.  She has moved away from being by my side most of the time whether at home or out and about to being away from my side most of the time.   These words are for her.

I love your enthusiasm how when you are excited and happy it positively oozes from you, your face,  your body, your outstretched hands.  Your smile always lights up your face and my heart.  You love to cuddle and snuggle and you often suck your thumb and play with my ear.  I love how you count, sometimes you get the numbers in the right order, sometimes you choose your own order, when you count the carriages on the trains that pass our house you pick random numbers and then proudly announce how many there were.  You love to tidy.  You love to help me cook, stirring, measuring, whisking and chopping.  You have grown your own pea and bean plants from seed which we transplanted a few weeks ago and you go to check every day, watering them when the ground is dry, you are fascinated by all the plants growing in the garden and bring me back reports after your visits. You love to make and create things out of all sorts of stuff you find round the house, you know where to find the glue and scissors and can use both with proficiency.  You sing constantly mostly songs you make up both the words and the tune.  You love your big brother and miss him when he goes out with daddy alone, you play games together and tell him in a loud strong voice when you don't like what he is doing.  We know where we stand with you, you express yourself so well and tell us when you are angry, sad, happy or excited.  You are a pleasure to be with and I am proud to be your mum.

Eight

On this day in 2004 my life started on a new journey, I became a mother.

As I walk this path this is for you my first born.

Over the last eight years you have been my guide,
Sometimes I lead the way,
Sometimes it is you.
You are there to remind me when times are tough that it will ok again.

You have changed so much in the last year,
I have watched you move away from me,
Become a confident person,
Sure of who you are and what you want,
Comfortable in your own skin.

You are kind and considerate to your sister,
You let her play with your things,
You read her stories and look at books together,
When you disagree you try really hard to negotiate with her,
I know you find this hard sometimes.

One of your favourite activities is reading books on the sofa,
You leave books everywhere,
Like a trail behind you,
Reading always reading
It makes me smile as I pick them up and return them to shelves.

You also love to draw,
Everyday you sit at the dining room table,
With a pencil in your hand,
I love how you talk as you do it,
I could watch you for hours,
Your creativity always amazes me.

Happy Birthday my love.

We have been mainly........

living with rain this week, I think it has rained every day in the past week but it hasn't stopped our fun.

On Monday we had our usual trip into the local town for the food shopping and library visit. We found a lovely book this week The Little Ships by Louise Borden.  My eldest is interested and looking at World War Two at the moment and this book, beautifully illustrated by Michael Foreman, tells the story about all the ships that helped out with rescuing the troops at Dunkirk, it is told from the perspective of one of the little ships.

We had our regular play date the next day, the children had their usual fun running around, playing on the trampoline and falling into muddy puddles on seperate occasions they both got absolutely soaked.

On Wednesday we joined some friends for a walk in the rain. It was not raining that hard and was really warm, so we donned our waterproofs, packed a picnic and had a great time. It was a small nature reserve and the trees were amazing, a huge variety of species. We also saw some cows with amazingly long horns.  At the end of the walk the children had great fun splashing about in the river.  It took three days to get their walking boots dry again!

The next day we had a day at home, waiting for a parcel to be picked up. I was really out of sorts all day, and finally at the end of the day worked out what was wrong, you can read about my day here. We had a fantastic thunderstorm which we sat and watched in the afternoon, it lead to a spot of researching the books on our shelves to find out how thunder and lightening is formed.

On Friday we visited our friends to the south for our weekly play date. We joined them for lunch and the children had a lovely time playing. They built a great fort on top of a platform in the garden using the sections of a compost bin! We left there to go to a friend of my eldest's birthday party.   Much playing was had and we finally arrived home very late and exhausted after a fantastic day.

Over the weekend we had a family days pottering about, getting ready for camping and watching the rain pour and pour.

Celebration

Today we celebrated my youngest's third birthday. The day dawned hot and sunny just like she day she was born.

 I had made her a Waldorf style doll as a present, a project which has taken over two months. I didn't think I would finish it in time as I could only work on it after she had gone to bed which is not that early some nights. When I came to wrap it up last night it felt like I was parting with something of my own it was really strange. I also found that I did not have a piece of wrapping paper big enough so I found a piece of material and a length of ribbon and used that instead. Her face when she opened it this morning was wonderful to see. I will post a picture and how I made it another day.

We had her two little friends join us for lunch with their older brothers who played with her older brother. We had a picnic in the sun, played, talked and had a lovely time. At 2.30pm the time if her birth she spontaneously climbed into my lap and had a nurse, it made me feel incredibly close to her and as I sat with her in my arms I could picture the moment when I first set eyes on her three years ago. I waited as long as possible to do the cake as I wanted daddy to join us on Skype when he had finished work, which he was able to do.

When our friends had left we skyped Granma and Grandad and had a chat with them, we completed a birthday jigsaw and played with her new gruffalo dominoes. After tidying up all the toys and food we headed off to a friends house for tea. We had a lovely evening eating in their garden with wonderful views of the surrounding countryside, the sunset was amazing. It was a perfect end to the day.