Sometimes you have a day when it feels like life is trying to throw everything at you. A day when no matter what you do it is hard to keep smiling. How many times can you pick yourself up after getting knocked down.
We had a day out yesterday, a full day out, I needed to collect alot of stuff together in a short amount of time, clothes, food, drink. Getting out of the house by a certain time is my least favourite activity, especially when it is early, read before ten am! I did manage to leave on time but I forgot wellies, it was raining and we were going to be outside a lot, it was too late to go back so on we went minus wellies. We managed ok we got damp feet but we were warm, I had remembered waterproofs, hats, gloves and scarves.
We finished the day at a friends house for a welcome fire and warming cup of tea. I managed to reverse our, new to us, car into a tree outside their house. Bang, the light fitting smashed, we have owned it for a day. When it was time to leave my eldest and his friend vanished, competely. It took us half an hour to find them by which time we were starting to feel disconcerted as neither is a child likely to disappear or run off. They evidently did not want their time together to end as it was another half an hour before we were all in the car on the way home. It was now getting late and I was hungry.
I stopped on the way to buy an ingredient for tea. I jumped out the car and ran into the shop as I wanted to be quick. Yes I did leave the children in the car. However my youngest wanted to come in and as I reappeared with my purchase in my hand she started to scream at me and would not go anywhere near the car. I was now entering a semi dream like state, one where I felt that I was not really experiencing what was going on and I was going to wake up in a minute and be at home with tea cooked and on the table. I did not feel capable of shouting or raising my voice but somehow I calmly managed to get us all in the car and on the way home.
I found when I arrived home that the folks who were coming to buy our old car had not turned up and were not answering any calls, my husband was fed up of the hanging around. I found that the cauliflower that we were going to eat for tea was much smaller than I thought, it was late, I was hungry and tea was not yet started. The tea I cooked was edible but certainly not my best, my youngest would not touch it.
By now I was exhausted, not the physical sort of tired which is actually quite pleasant, doing anything involving my brain was impossible. I felt like I was wading through cotton wool. I headed for my bed the safest place to be in the hope that rest would restore my seesaw back to level.
Showing posts with label calm. Show all posts
Showing posts with label calm. Show all posts
Less
19 January 2013
I have just finished reading a book that I found reassuring, inspiring and thought provoking. Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne was a book that I kept seeing mentioned on blogs and a forum that I visit. It was always praised and being recommended as a book to read. As someone who is trying to simplify our lives I wanted to read a book that promotes less is more.
It was reassuring to read about things that I am trying to implement in my family's life. I have been going steadily through our stuff over the past year, decluttering and reducing. I have introduced a rhythm into our week, we like the predictability and order it brings. We live without a TV and try to limit our screen time to a minimum. I try to be as mindful as possible in the way I speak to my children. I have reduced the amount of audio we have in our house. These are all covered in the book.
I am inspired to continue with my decluttering process, to continue to reduce the stuff we have in the house. I have always felt that if my children were bored that I was not quite sure how I should respond, I wanted it to something that they dealt with themselves but I was not totally comfortable with it. I am going to try and find comfort with leaving them to deal with it. As part of my rhythm in my week I am going to ensure that I always include ordinary days as the author calls them, days when we are not busy to restore calm and balance in the week. I know my children need these days in the week but I need to remember to ensure that they are included.
There are three areas in particular that have drawn me in and made me pause for thought. The first is advice on how to react when a child is out of sorts for an extended period. When things are not right and the disquiet extends beyond a bad mood. The author suggests 'treating' this as you would a physical illness such as a fever. He takes you through the steps you would go through for a physical illness and then apply them to a soul fever as he calls them. You notice, you quieten things down, you stay at home, you let it run its course and hope for a strong return. This seems so obvious to me when I read it and I will attempt to apply this the next time I feel one of my children is out of sorts.
When talking you through simplifying a child's toys he mentions fixed toys, those that only do one thing, he describes them as being too finished. I have been looking at the toys we now have, trying to decide whether they are fixed or not and where you draw the line. Are toy cars fixed, they do allow imaginary play but is that enough. How about a marble run with pieces that you fit together? I am looking at all our stuff through a new pair of eyes.
The last is how I talk to my children. The author advocates talking less, making the words you do say matter, not bathing our children in words. The more we talk the less they listen. A child cannot play deeply and thoughtfully if we are talking through their every move. He suggests that in certain situations if we must talk make it an observation without judgement or praise. Talking less is a way of decluttering it gives a child more space for their own thoughts and feelings to develop. The words we do use are so important, I do try to be mindful about speaking to anyone, to speak to others as I wish to be spoken to myself. I often forget. So before I speak I am going to try to remember is it true, is it kind, is it necessary. The necessary meaning are your words more important than silence. I am going to try to make this my pause before speaking.
It was reassuring to read about things that I am trying to implement in my family's life. I have been going steadily through our stuff over the past year, decluttering and reducing. I have introduced a rhythm into our week, we like the predictability and order it brings. We live without a TV and try to limit our screen time to a minimum. I try to be as mindful as possible in the way I speak to my children. I have reduced the amount of audio we have in our house. These are all covered in the book.
I am inspired to continue with my decluttering process, to continue to reduce the stuff we have in the house. I have always felt that if my children were bored that I was not quite sure how I should respond, I wanted it to something that they dealt with themselves but I was not totally comfortable with it. I am going to try and find comfort with leaving them to deal with it. As part of my rhythm in my week I am going to ensure that I always include ordinary days as the author calls them, days when we are not busy to restore calm and balance in the week. I know my children need these days in the week but I need to remember to ensure that they are included.
There are three areas in particular that have drawn me in and made me pause for thought. The first is advice on how to react when a child is out of sorts for an extended period. When things are not right and the disquiet extends beyond a bad mood. The author suggests 'treating' this as you would a physical illness such as a fever. He takes you through the steps you would go through for a physical illness and then apply them to a soul fever as he calls them. You notice, you quieten things down, you stay at home, you let it run its course and hope for a strong return. This seems so obvious to me when I read it and I will attempt to apply this the next time I feel one of my children is out of sorts.
When talking you through simplifying a child's toys he mentions fixed toys, those that only do one thing, he describes them as being too finished. I have been looking at the toys we now have, trying to decide whether they are fixed or not and where you draw the line. Are toy cars fixed, they do allow imaginary play but is that enough. How about a marble run with pieces that you fit together? I am looking at all our stuff through a new pair of eyes.
The last is how I talk to my children. The author advocates talking less, making the words you do say matter, not bathing our children in words. The more we talk the less they listen. A child cannot play deeply and thoughtfully if we are talking through their every move. He suggests that in certain situations if we must talk make it an observation without judgement or praise. Talking less is a way of decluttering it gives a child more space for their own thoughts and feelings to develop. The words we do use are so important, I do try to be mindful about speaking to anyone, to speak to others as I wish to be spoken to myself. I often forget. So before I speak I am going to try to remember is it true, is it kind, is it necessary. The necessary meaning are your words more important than silence. I am going to try to make this my pause before speaking.
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