Falling down rabbit holes

Whilst my parents were staying with us in late August we went for a lovely walk up on the fell near our house.  It is an area that is rich in history with many cairns, stone circles and evidence of settlements.  We were trying to locate a roman road that was marked on the map and focused as I was on looking for this I failed to notice a large rabbit hole beneath my feet.  It was deep enough that I went in nearly up to my knee, my ankle did not like the experience I think I probably pulled or sprained a muscle.  

After a short rest I felt surprisingly ok and managed to walk for a least another hour before we stopped again for a drink and cake break.  Whilst resting I checked on my foot and managed to make it painful for reasons that I cannot fathom, I guess I rubbed the effected muscle in the wrong way.  By the time I got back to the car I was hobbling somewhat, driving home was rather painful.  It was difficult to walk for 24 hours after which it was swollen but no longer painful, normal movement slowly returned.  

Whilst I was away camping recently with Alice, walking back the tent in the dark I stepped on a slight slope my weakened ankle could not cope with and I managed to pull a different muscle.  Luckily I was able to drive the next morning, getting home could have been interesting had I not been able to.  

We are slowly heading towards the Autumn Equinox which for me marks the beginning of Autumn.  As with all changes of the seasons the last weeks of the old season and the first few of the new one mark a transition period.  We have started a new rhythm for the new season, a rhythm which is tinged with sadness.  

Nine years ago when Alice reached the age when her peers started school education, regular readers here will know that she has never been to school, we were invited to be part of a group that we attended until March 2020 and COVID ended us meeting.  It was a lovely group and a privilege to part of it all those years.  The children that have attended that group have also changed over the years, there were two constant over the whole period Alice and her friend, the daughter of the mum who hosted the group.  

She has been through a lot of changes over the past few years with friends choosing or having to go to school and friends moving away overseas.  In May this year we received the news, with rather thoughtless timing two days before her birthday, that the same friend was applying to go to school to continue her education.  We always knew this friend would go to school at some point, but we had thought this would be in two years time.  She was the last remaining member of our lovely group who had not started school, so that group, which has been part of Alice's home education for so long,  is no more too.  This transition has been made so much harder for her because she has had absolutely no acknowledgment from her friend or her mum about how this change might feel for Alice and effects that change has for her.  This has been hard for me to hold for her too.  The reaction that Mum had to her telling another family also effected by this change has really saddened me as it left me with no doubt that they don't feel responsible for how their behaviour is effecting others or that she wanted to hear from me how that change might feel for us.

Dealing with lack of empathy from others is really hard, an added layer to an already challenging situation. Because this has happened to me with this family before I was prepared for it this time,  I did not take it personally and was able to use my energies to support Alice rather then trying to work out why on earth anyone would think behaving in that way is ok.

Over the last week or so there has been a lot of noise in our house wafting through the wall from next door.  Since our neighbour died last October the house has stood empty, it was emptied by the end of the year and put on the market to sell.  It was very over priced and not liveable in, neglected by the landlord for the past twenty years they have owned it.  The front door was locked using a padlock as it was so misshapen the normal locks did not work, every room in the house needs work doing on it to make it liveable in.  We have been baffled that no has moved in since it had been purportedly sold in February/March time, so long ago that we cannot remember.  It now has new owners who are rapidly working on it to make it habitable again.  It seems the delay was over probate which confused us, it was inherited by two sisters when their mother died about five years ago, it seems that that was not sorted at the time.  My husband and I are looking forward to having new neighbours especially as it will mean that the house is heated over the winter, we live in a terraced house which is wonderful when everyone has their heating on but as the house was empty last winter it made heating our house much harder, with the very large rise in our bills having the house occupied will make a real difference.  

Whilst my husband and I are welcoming the changes next door, Alice is finding them hard.  She has only ever known one neighbour, he was a constant for her next door, an extra grandparent who she was really fond of.  She loved spending evenings with him when her dad was away, her brother at Scouts and I was out.  They would spend hours chatting and doing jigsaws together.  She would go to sleep at night listening to him playing the guitar through the wall, she started lessons last year inspired by him.  It is too much change at once for her.

My ankle limited what I could do for a few days, it is still a little swollen  and is still preventing me from doing some yoga poses weeks, thankfully walking is fine.  Alice is navigating through the change of her friend being at school and all that holds for her.  Having your feelings ignored is hard and has added an extra layer in an already difficult situation.  She will be ok, she will get through this and it will help her build resilience to deal with similar situations in the future.  I am really grateful to Alice for speaking her truth and telling me how having new neighbours feels for her.  We don't all experience change in the same way and when we are able to speak honestly and openly we can find the support we need to navigate through this.  I am naturally sad that we have not been able to do this with our friends.

We will be ok, with time.