Eleven

Last week we celebrated the end of Alice's eleventh year round the sun, a year that has been full of change.  She wasn't able to do what she would have liked for her birthday, which is to spend a whole day with her best friend.  She had to make do with her family instead, luckily her birthday was on a bank holiday this year so Daddy was at home too.  She spent many hours playing and talking to friends on video calls and several friends and some family joined us on Zoom to sing her Happy Birthday with her cake.

So at the end of year of change Alice, I write these words for you.

You have found talking about things that matter to you so much easier this year, your emotional thoughts have slowly come into focus more for you and you have been finding ways to express these.  You can explain what you mean and find the words without getting so frustrated.  You have always been good at telling us how you feel about things but sometimes you needed our help to make sense of what you were feeling.  This may have been because you started the year knowing that a dear friend was going to move away.  She lived a forty five minute drive away which wasn't that close but now she is hundreds of miles away in another country. It was hard for you, knowing that she was leaving when she was still here.  I tried to make sure that you got lots of time together in those last weeks whilst knowing that it would not ease the pain for you.  We talked a lot about how we could keep your connection alive despite the distance.  You wrote each other letters and you started to video call each other once or twice a month, not knowing at the time that this would stand you in good stead in the last few months of your eleventh year.  You have found this separation very hard, there are times it has made you cry, a lot, you were frustrated but at the same time you understood why.

In the way that life can often throw things at us, with unfortunate timing a month after your dear friend left, you had yet more change.  A French class you have been part of for five years had to come to stop, we weren't sure for how long and luckily it was just a pause but at the time we did not know that.  It wasn't quite the same watching French videos on YouTube to keep your learning going, you missed the lovely lady that runs the class, you missed the friends who you only saw then.  A visit to the dentist in the same week we found this out, we learnt that he was moving back to his home country, he had been your dentist all your life and you had just found the confidence to sit in the chair by yourself.  The cumulative effect of these was so unsettling for you.

Whilst they were difficult things for you to process and make sense of, I hope that they have made it easier for you to think things through and talk about them, a skill that will stand you in good stead as you make your way in the world.

You have continued in your usual determined way to master the skill of reading, this is not something you are ever going to find easy but that has not stopped you trying very hard to learn.  You have started to look at books yourself, reading them in your own way something you have never done before.  You have read to me a lot less this year, I think this has actually helped you, you need time to help things bed in before trying again.  I am proud of your determination to overcome your difficulties.

Whilst you have found reading difficult there are many other things that you can do with ease, often things that I find really hard.  You built a complicated wooden kit from scratch, I read the instructions to you and you got on with, it was completely incomprehensible to me.  You have discovered a love of needle felting this year, you have made fairies, animals, dragons and many other things.  I have enjoyed learning to do this alongside you as it is new to me too.  You haven't needed a pattern to start with, although you asked for books, for you birthday, to help you develop your skills.  Many of things you have made have been presents for your friends, I love that you want to make them things rather than go out and buy something.

Your body is beginning the changes from a girl to a woman, we have talked about these changes and what they mean.  It has been hard for me watch my little girl changing but I am also loving this time to be by your side holding your hand and guiding you through.

The last few months of your year have been very difficult for you, as they have for everyone, for you the lack of face to face interaction with your friends has been very hard.  You love to be around people all the time, you are not keen on your own company.  It is not surprising as you have been attending home ed meet ups since you were a few months old, being around groups of people has always been part of your life.  You are loving the video calls that you have, one for each day of the week, but they are not the same, by the end of your birthday it hit you hard.  We will get through this my love, it is hard whilst we are living through it but one day we will be able to look back and think about what we coped with and how much stronger that has made us.

I hope your twelfth year is a little easier for you, Happy Birthday my love, I am proud to be your mum.

Seven
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Three