Around Here

It has got proper cold here, autumn is sliding towards winter.  We are due snow this week often that is the forecast but not the reality.  We are prepared, the winter tyres are on the cars, if we get loads we will just stay at home.

We have had our annual birthday month, my husband and I at the beginning of last month and my son last week. When Alice was little she found it so hard to wait six more months for hers to come round.  My son is now 20, that time has past so quickly, but slowly too which is a weird dichotomy.  I will not be writing about him much now not that I have in the past few years as I haven't blogged that much.  He is at home with us, working full time earning some funds to go travelling next year.  It is a new stage of family life for all of us.

After a very full and (too) busy October I have managed to keep the diary much quieter for this month.  A better balance of fairly busy weekends and whole weekends with no commitments at all.  The absolute perfect indulgence which I am embracing to the full.  I have turned down offers, meet ups and meetings, and am embracing the season.

My quieter weekends means that I have been doing many things at home that I never seem to be able to find the time for.  At the beginning of the year I wrote a list of the things that I would like to sew during the course of the year,  I have added to it a few times over the months but it was not a very long list.  I love sewing but I am slow and don't have room in my house for a dedicated sewing space.  Getting everything out and putting it away each time I sew means it doesn't happen very often.  I have, however,  completed two of the those projects this month alone.  I will share photos of them when the light is good enough to take some photos, it is a little grey and gloomy here at the moment.

I have also had a bit of tidy up of my yarn stash.  It is entirely made up of balls that are leftover from knitting projects most of which are parts of balls, there is a small bag of unused balls where I have bought that extra ball as a just in case and not actually needed it.  I am not one for buying yarn that I like and might use one day, although I am often tempted.  It is all stored in a big fabric basket that I made, you can see it in this post here.  It is hardly surprising that after four years of adding to the yarn in this basket and not taking much out it had become an overflowing mess.  It is still in Alice's bedroom although in a different piece of furniture now.  I was clearing out the knitting bags I have in the living room and found several balls that needed putting away in that overflowing basket.  I have been meaning to tidy it up and maybe get rid of some of the yarn in there and spent a least an hour doing just that.  Part way through I realised it was probably about time to find a project or projects to use up some of it so I had a look on Ravelry.  For those of you not familiar with this site it is a knitting (and crocheting) rabbit hole website with thousands of amazing patterns, many of them free.  I didn't stay on there long, but long enough to find at least one pattern that will use up a significant proportion of my stash.  I have moved all the yarn for that project into a basket which is now in the living room waiting for me to get started on it.  I put some in a bag for the charity shop and the rest has gone back in the fabric basket.  It is far better organised now.

Whilst my stash project waits to be cast on, I am knitting presents for that event next month, it feels a bit early to be writing that word here, although I am also on with making cards for it too.  I have a (second) sock, a hat, a wash cloth and mitts on the needles right now.   Lots of small projects, one of which always leaves the house with me wherever I am going, even if I only have time for a few rows it means they are all growing.  I have two more pairs of socks and another wash cloth to make, I think that is entirely manageable.  I have already finished a small jacket for a special bunny, the soft toy sort of bunny, that belongs to my nephew.

With life slowing down a little I have had time to revive my rather neglected sourdough starter and have been making bread more regularly again.  The loaves were a little weird to start with I think the starter was a bit lifeless, the loaves were so heavy and indigestible.  A little TLC has bought it back to life and the loaves are once again back to their normal, tasty selves.  We are not big bread eaters in our house, we only eat one of two loaves a week but much prefer home made bread.

I made a batch of sauerkraut last month, I bought one of these at the end of the summer and really wanted to try it out.  I have been making sauerkraut on and off for years.  I have a Sandor Ellis Katz book which I have used endlessly, I have yet to make a duff recipe from this treasure trove.  Apart from that is sauerkraut, it more often than not goes mouldy before it has fermented properly.  It didn't matter what I did, or how much I sterilised or didn't, the mould would arrive.  I even cleaned out my pantry as I wondered if it was something in the air in there, still didn't work.  I don't thing my weights were doing the job at keeping air from coming into contact with the vegetables.  The Kefirko fermenter seems to be doing just the job, after a whole month there is no sign of any mould.  I am looking forward to cracking it open this week to see if it tastes as good as it looks.  If it continues to work after a few more batches I might just have to purchase another one.

Despite a busy October I managed to read two books, Landlines by Raynor Winn her third book about an astonishing walk that she and her husband completed from the far North of Scotland to their home in Cornwall.  It wasn't their plan when they set out, they started on the Cape Wrath trail which is 200 miles of wilderness in one of the remotest parts of Scotland when they finished that they continued on the one trail after another until they made it home.  Those of you who are familiar with Raynor Winn will know that her husband was diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease which improves when they walk.  She is a wonderful writer.  The second was Underland* by Robert McFarlane another writer I love.  This books is about Robert's journey into a variety of subterranean landscapes, he has a wonderful way of weaving words.  This months reading is Doughnut Economics by Kate Raworth, a highly accessible description of an intriguing and most definitely possible way of redefining economics to meet the needs of humans (all humans not just the richest) whilst also not extracting to the point of depletion.  If you haven't already guessed I read non-fiction, pretty much exclusively.  I have read one fiction book this year so far.

I reached a rather amazing milestone earlier this month, a 1000 day streak on Duolingo.  That's over two and half years.  In reality it has been more like 1030 or 40 days as there have been many days when I have had to use a streak freeze to keep it going.  Most of those days when I have been out and about with zero mobile phone reception or access to wifi.  It has mostly been French with a little Ukrainian and more lately Romanian.  It is one of the first things I do when I wake up, a good habit to get my brain going of a morning.

So that is me at the moment slowing down and enjoying and embracing the cold and dark as we move through Autumn into Winter.

* When I typed Underland into this post, it autocorrected to Sunderland.  The Sunderland I know is a city in the NE of England and, absolutely no offence to the place, a totally different place to that of those described in Underland.  It probably has its own subterranean cultures which are every bit as wonderful in their own way.  It made me smile, got to love an autocorrect.

Giving Thanks

We reached the halfway point between the Autumn Equinox and the Winter Solstice a week or so a go, I am a little late with the post but better late than never.  This halfway point is a time some call Samhain (pronounced sow-ein), a halfway point of the dark days, a time of resting and recharging something that I am hanging on to with every effort at at the moment.  My days have been full to the brim one after the other, I have been saying no a lot more this week in an effort to redress that.

I know that Samhain, 31 October, is also a time that some celebrate Halloween, I am not a fan.  As a child it wasn't as big an event as it is now, but people dressed up and had parties, I found it all rather terrifying, now, as an adult I don't feel a connection to it all. I know that so many do and have a great time dressing up and maybe also making mischief, it is really not for me.

We can really see the visible signs that the earth is slowing down, the leaves are providing us with their stunning visual palate turning the most beautiful colours and falling from the trees.  I love to watch the leaves as they make their descent, have you noticed that each tree's leaves have a different way of making their to the ground?  Have a look when you are next out and about amongst the trees.  They and other plants are nearing the start of their period of dormancy.

As we, in the Northern Hemisphere, continue to move further away from the sun our temperatures will continue to fall, bringing with it the frosts, that some might have already had, and later snow, some parts have already had some of this too.  These colder temperatures bring with it the death and decay in the plant world, an important part of the cycle of their life.

Whilst the earth is resting and recharging we can reflect on all that it has provided for us over the past year.  

We give thanks, for the rain, replenishing the earth and sustaining life.  I know for some parts of the world rain is in short supply and in other parts they are flooding with so much rain.  It is more important than ever that we learn to adapt our behaviour and how we manage our resources, to be more resilient to the changes in the weather, so that we are ready for droughts or flooding.  

We give thanks for the abundant harvest from the earth, the food and medicine it provided to sustain our lives.  When we stop and think for a moment that all the food we eat has all been provided by our beautiful planet, it is so amazing.  

We give thanks for the air that we breathe sustaining our lives, allowing us to speak and sing.  This is another resource, like water, which we cannot live without and which we must learn to adapt our behaviour.  I am so lucky to live somewhere with really good air quality the air tastes so different to me in built up urban areas, places that people are living and moving around in all the time.

While the earth rests we too should use this time to rest, giving us a chance to renew and replenish our energies.  We can use this time to think of new plans and new beginnings, for sowing the seeds of our future in our minds and storing it until the time of the light and warmth returning.  A seed of a something you want to do, to be, to learn or adventures you want have.  We are not going to use this time to set them in motion but to incubate them and let them start to take some shape.

We can also use this time to reflect or start to clear our minds of our fears, troubles or insecurities, those thoughts that we go over in our minds.  It is a good time to start the process of letting go of them, perhaps by writing them down or drawing them, whatever way works best for you.  If you have access to a fire, perhaps in your house keeping you all warm, you could burn them as a way of helping you to release.

For Inner Tranquility

Quiet I bear within me

I bear within myself

Forces to make me strong

Now will I be imbued

With their glowing warmth

Now will I fill myself

With my own will's resolve

And I will feel the quiet

Pouring through all my being

When, by my steadfast striving

I become strong

To find within myself

The source of strength

The strength of inner quiet

Rudolph Steiner

Our strength, our inner strength is what will carry us through this period of dark, dormancy and rest. It will help us to release our fears, we have started that journey bringing them into focus and recording them, maybe you have burnt them in the fire, now we need to make peace with them to help us move on.

Our inner strength will guide us to a seed of a new beginning, one that we will take within us and allow it to sit there quietly, as a seed does in the earth awaiting germination and development.  When we are nearing the end of this important time of rest and recharging, allow this seed to come into focus in your mind ready for you to take forward into the Spring, the light and the earth warming once again.

Waste Not, Want Not

When I left home to go to Uni I remember my mum giving me a piece of advice, one of many I am sure but this one stuck with me.  Knowing that I would likely not have a lot of money to spare, as we hadn't growing up, she advised me to ensure that I did not scrimp on spending money on food, to go without other things.

There was not a lot of money in our household growing up, but Mum always made sure that we had good home cooked food to fill our bellies.  We had good quality cuts of meat so did not eat it every day of the week.  Apart from spaghetti which I hated, and still do, I am not a massive fan of pasta generally and baked beans which I haven't eaten since childhood I remember loving every meal my mum cooked.

What I don't really remember from my childhood is being aware of how much food costs or there ever being any food thrown away.  Food prices have gone up a lot in the past few years, I don't know about you but it feels like the bills for a food shop has nearly doubled.  I was horrified by a statistic that I heard on a podcast recently about food waste suggesting that food equivalent to eight meals a week is thrown away uneaten.  This is a statistic that I can visualise and make sense of unlike others which always seem to state the weight of waste in tonnes, I don't personally buy my food by the ton.  That waste not only measures food that is thrown away before it has been prepared or is languishing at the back of a cupboard or the fridge too long but also meals that are prepared and are not all eaten and are thrown in the bin.  I have heard and read so much about food waste, about buying food that never gets eaten before it goes off but I had not even considered the food waste that is a result of food being prepared and then not eaten.  Perhaps I am lucky to have children who are far from being picky eaters but this is so far from the reality in our house, partly because if food is not eaten it gets boxed up and put in the fridge, it wouldn't occur to me to throw it away.  One of my favourite midday meals is to dive into the fridge and produce a meal that is made up of all the random leftovers, my mum used to call this a fridge bottom meal.

I hope that the eight meals a week statistic becomes more widely known as I feel like to could be a good reminder to us all to be more mindful of what we do with the food that we have spend the time earning the money to pay for.  Another interesting comment I heard on the same podcast was about the cost of food and how we are careful with our purchases and then seem to forget that when we have the item at home.  I had not considered that before but I am sure that is so true.  I have often found myself mulling over which brand of an item to buy, is the more expensive one worth the money, will it taste better.  We are careful with our pennies in the shop considering each purchase carefully but then we when get the items home do we continue with that same careful consideration.  I try very hard to but I know there are occasions when I fall off that cart, especially when we are going away I always seem to have a fridge full of leftovers and fresh items that are not quite finished but are not quite enough to make something else with.  I have come up with some of my best meals at these times, meals that it would never be possible to recreate as that unique set of ingredients will be hard to replicate again.

One of the best ways of reducing waste is meal planning as you only buy what you need, and it makes shopping really quick, well it does for me.  I know that meal planning is not for everyone, I started doing it when my youngest was born.  As I go shopping with a specific list I am not tempted by offers which is another way we can end up with wasted food, buy one sometimes two and get one free, if they are items that can be frozen I might be tempted but I rarely buy them unless they are on my shopping list already.

We bought a new to us fridge recently, we happened to see it in a charity shop we sometimes visit.  We were not looking for a new one but our old one was over twenty years old and the plastic inside was so brittle that so many bits had broken beyond usable repair.  We had also outgrown it years earlier but it seemed wasteful to get rid of it when it still worked, it was far too shabby to donate even then.  We have retired it into the garage as storage for grocery items that we buy in bulk from a wholesaler a few times a year.  Our new fridge is twice the size of our old one, I have lost freezer space but I have a big chest freezer in the garage which is now much fuller.  I was finding that food was going off in my old fridge, particularly vegetables and salad bits as it got squashed for lack of space in the boxes that fridges often have for those items.  I also ended up burying items at the back which I often couldn't get to without playing Tetris each time I wanted something.  Keeping things visible in the fridge is so much easier now and seems such a obvious way to stop things going off, so simple but yet it is all too easy for things to get buried and forgotten about isn't it?  I also recently discovered that you can keep potatoes in the fridge, who knew?  I didn't.  I wouldn't have had room in the past but I might just be doing this in the warmer months we have an unheated porch which is the perfect place to store vegetables in the cooler months.

What about you, do you have any tips for preventing food waste you can share?

Counting my Blessings

I left a comment on a blog recently, I wrote it without thinking about how it might be read by others.   It wasn't anything unkind or critical, just that I have not been to see a GP or any other kind of doctor for over 18 years, nor have my son or husband, my daughter was hospitalised with pneumonia in late 2015 but has not been to a doctor again since.

We forget that our ordinary lives might be extraordinary to others, particularly when our experiences do not mirror the norm.  It did not seem unusual to me as I wrote that comment, but when I actually gave it some thought I realised it is.

Our lack of doctor visits does not mean we haven't been ill just not ill enough to warrant a visit. I will admit I have a distrust of doctors so am unlikely to be reaching for my phone to book an appointment and more likely to be doing some research.

In my twenties I was diagnosed, after a barrage of tests which went on for a number of years, with Crohn's disease.  If you have not heard of this it is a chronic condition effecting the digestinal tract my symptoms were in the large intestine.  It floored me for a couple of years restricting my ability to do much physical activity.  Being so young I was frustrated by an illness that was preventing me from doing the activities I loved which required a level of energy that I often struggled to achieve.  I couldn't bear the thought of that being my life, for, well, the rest of my life.

This was in the days before the internet and google doctor.  I had to accept my fate and just get on with it and I largely did until I had a seemly new set of symptoms which put me back in the GP waiting room.  This time it wasn't Crohn's it was the medication I was taking to manage it, they were slowly destroying my liver.  To say I was devastated was an understatement.  More tablets to support my liver?  That is the road I could have gone down but I didn't.  I stopped with that GPs support.  I perhaps should say that at this stage of my life I was moving around a lot working contracts that lasted about 9-12 months, I moved to new GP practices too.  In hindsight this was beneficial as I got lots of different opinions.  The GP that supported me to stop had not been the one to put me on the medication, she was stopping, in the first place.

She also sowed a seed, there were alternatives.  I didn't venture down that road for a few more years.  I stumbled on in the way you do when you are young, largely ignoring and accepting the symptoms I had.  They were not as bad as for some, I functioned in a job that required high energy levels and had a discomfort every time I ate that I had gotten used to.  I questioned this discomfort with a specialist, could my symptoms be related to what I ate.  The answer was not what I expected, Crohn's is nothing to do with what you eat, this was 1996 that may not be what you would be told now.

Nowadays I am symptom free and have been for nearly 20 years.  I restricted my diet for a number of years to manage this until I realised that was a different kind of managing things.  I did a mountain of research and changed my diet again, restricting my intake of a few foods (wheat and refined sugar were two of them) to see if I could reset things.  Thankfully it worked, with the exception of coffee which I absolutely cannot touch and tea which doesn't make me feel great, I can eat anything now.

I am grateful each and every day that my health is good, that I don't need to visit the doctor from one year to the next.  An unexpected consequence, is that by taking responsibility rather than handing that over to someone else, I feel far more in tune with my body.   I am not for one minute suggesting that everyone can and should do this, it has been a slow considered process over a number of years and I am so grateful it has worked for me and had a really positive outcome.

The last time I set foot in my doctors surgery I was there to see the nurse for a routine blood test as part of my continuing management of Crohn's.  I caught flu as a result of that visit.  I went in healthy.  I have never been back.  I have reach age milestones and I get calls inviting me for appointments which I turn down, they are not compulsory and I was not given a reason for attending other than the surgery gets paid for each patient they test.

And no other illness since, I have yet to have Covid.  That could be down to a number of things.  We eat healthily and in season, a lot of our food is organic.  I don't have any refined sugar in my diet.  Or house is relatively chemical free we don't use any products with artificial scents, make most of our cleaning products.  We do lots of activities that are keep us active.  I take rest when I need it.  I sleep well, most of the time, the odd blip here and there is not the norm.  I reach for herbs when I feel something is 'not right' researching when I don't have the answer to hand.  

I have worked really hard on my mental health processing many of the things that have effected me over the years, slowly making sense of them and moving to a place of acceptance from one of resistance and denial.  The connection between physical and mental health and the effect the latter can have on the former is something I am reading and hearing about more often but it is far from mainstream yet.

Is it all of these things, some of these or none of these?  Who knows?  What I do know is that I have worked really hard to be blessed with the good health and I plan to keep it that way for as long as I can.

Sowing seeds of rest

It is the time of Autumn Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere,  that special day of the year when the daylight and darkness is the same all over the world because the sun is directly over the equator.  It heralds the beginning of its journey south and where I live in the Northern hemisphere, we will be getting less and less sun over the coming weeks, our days will get shorter and our nights longer.  It is the start of Autumn, the door way to Winter, a time for us to prepare for the change in the earth's energy.

The Colour of Autumn

The world is full of colour

Tis Autumn once again

And leaves of gold and crimson

Are lying in the lane

There are brown and yellow acorns

Berries and scarlet haws

Amber gorse and heather

Purple across the moors

Green apples in the orchard

Flushed by glowing sun

Mellow pears and brambles

Where coloured pheasants run.

This is a time to be thankful to the abundant earth and all the resources we harvest.  We take our Earth and the gifts it gives us so freely rather for granted, it can be hard to maintain a strong connection when we are so far removed from the means of production.  We need to do all we can to change the thoughts of those that think they can continue to take, take, take without heed to the consequences.

This is a time to be thankful for the rain which will fall in greater abundance in the coming weeks and months, however annoying and tiresome we find it, it is doing an important job replenishing the soil.

This is also a time to give thanks to all those wonderful people we have in our lives and who we spend time with, be it face to face or online, for their support and connection.  We are so lucky to live in countries where we have freedom to communicate with whomever we wish to and have the choice over how we do this.

As the summer fades away and autumn takes its place, so too does the light.  This is the time of diminishing light with days that can be gloomy, the clouds heavy with rain.  For many animals this is the start of a period of rest, either by hibernating or sleeping more and eating less.  It is also a period of rest for the earth, the leaves fall from the trees and plants as they preserve their energy within and enter their period of dormancy.  Would that we could sleep or remain dormant through this time, but our lives don't fit that pattern.

I know I have been guilty of resisting these dark days and of wanting the light and warmth to return as quickly as possible.  By embracing the darkness we too can preserve our energy, we too can slow down allowing ourselves to recharge, like the earth.

If it is your thing a Root Meditation is a lovely way to feel connected to the Earth.   Sit somewhere comfortable and close your eyes.  Imagine there is a tree behind you, you are leaning on it, feel this tree at your back, firm and strong.  Feel its energy, energy that is flowing through down into its roots.  Now begin to feel your roots reaching down into the Earth spreading out like the roots of the tree.  Feel those roots holding you firm.  Feel the earth's energy flowing through you.  Inhale the nourishment, absorb the calm.  Breath in and breathe out.  Feel your breath rising without any effort at all.  The breath of life, like day and night, like the tides, like the seasons, in and out, in and out.  All is in balance.

So lets look forward to the time of darkness and embrace it into our lives.  Lets be kind to ourselves, give ourselves permission to rest and do less.  Lets reclaim the balance within each of us which can get lost in the busyness of life in the warmer months.  As the circle of the year turns we will be able to head into Spring in six months time, recharged and bursting with energy.

Whilst we are in this time of resting and recharging we can reflect on our achievements throughout those recent warmer months, look back and think about all those amazing things we have done however big or small.  This is not a time to be starting big new projects but rather to think and plant seeds in our heads of where we would like to be, to go, to do in the future.

We can also use this time to let go of things, de-clutter your house and give away those things that are no longer of use to you.  De-clutter your minds and let go of ideas or values which no longer serve you, that are troubling you or causing you pain, listen to and trust your inner voice for guidance and wisdom. Find a way that works for you to release them, maybe writing them down and burning them.

I hope you will move into Autumn with more strength, embracing rather than resisting the dark.  I hope you will be kind and gentle to yourselves.  I hope you can find the time each day or week to rest and be still to enable your body to recharge and reclaim any balance lost.

A Peek into my Day

Outside my window my view is somewhat shortened to a few fields, the clouds are low today

Around my house it is mostly tidy and clean, the carpets, however, are in a desperate need of a hoover, there is a pile of bits at the top of the stairs waiting to be put in the loft, I need them again on Wednesday so I suspect they won't make it up there, half a tent is waiting on a new tent pole as we broke one during its last use, a rucksack hangs on the newel post drying out.

Reading in the news of a terrible tragedy I am incredibly thankful that my Dad is still with us.  He is the same age and was assaulted by a 17 year old after he crashed into my Dad on his electric scooter in a pedestrianised area in his town.  My Dad has poor eyesight, a condition that has no name, but he struggles with changes of light and can no longer see things which are moving quickly, I am absolutely sure he would not have seen the lad.  Despite the assault breaking bones in my Dad's face, for which he was operated on this week, amazingly he did not fall over.  The outcome could have been so very different, for which I feel so blessed.  My thoughts are with the family whom have lost a loved one.

I have started on Christmas knitting this week, am I allowed to mention the C word this early in the year? I guess it is a bit late now.  I am creating a pair of socks, a present for a friend.  I do so love knitting socks.

After what has felt like weeks of rain I am hoping the weather forecast of three days of sunshine this week comes good.  There is nothing like a bit of sun as a pick me up.

With the advent of a new term comes changes to our routine we haven't quite refined it yet and I am thinking about some of the spaces that have been created an whether to fill them with regular things or leave them to see what happens.  It is always fine balance.

A chance conversation with a friend means that we no longer need to do quite so much driving one day a week I am loving the space this has created.  A small thing that has created lightness.

In my kitchen my sourdough starter is doing its thing, my sprouter is full of seeds and beans just reaching that stage of starting to sprout, tomorrows soup, a rather wonderfully named Belly Hug Soup, made with lots of spices, lentils and veg is sat in a pan, there is a loaf of sourdough defrosting on the side to be eaten with said soup.

Although I started work again when the schools went back on the 4th I am going to my first meeting of the term tomorrow night.  Most of my work is completed alone in a time of my choosing, it often gets done out and about whilst Alice is at her groups.

I have a presentation to do this week and I am pondering what to include, I don't want to create death by powerpoint.

I am remembering fond memories of my uncle who died last week.  He was an incredibly talented musician and inspired Alice to take up piano lessons.  I loved listening to him play.

I finished a book last night and am now on to the next one I am reading The Wild Silence by Raynor Winn I am already well into Chapter 3.  I am doing something I never thought I would and am reading some books on my phone.  They have a ridiculous number of pages but I am reading more than I have for a long time, if I am waiting to do a pick up and things are running a little late,  I always have a book in my pocket.

Before Covid I played in an orchestra, our rehearsals stopped when the pandemic reached our shores.  As is the way in family life other things filled its place once things started up again.  That night is once again free and I am wondering if I have space to start going again.

I love Podcasts, they are the soundtrack of my life these days. I am listening to Cautionary Tales with Tim Hartford an eclectic mix of fascinating stories of human error, catastrophes and hilarious fiascos.  I love it when an episode pops up in my feed, there were two this week, to my delight.

After reading an article on substack I am enjoying making use of the Calm app it was suggested as an alternative to doom scrolling on waking, this not something I have ever partaken of but I was intrigued enough to check the app out.  I had tried the Health and Her app but I didn't get on it with, I am enjoying the daily check-in's and reflections on Calm.

I am wearing navy leggings, a long sleeved merino top and stripy me knit socks, I have been for a longish walk this afternoon and have yet to get changed.

I was sorting through the notes on my phone which had become a little numerous, I came across a page of quotes my favourite quote amongst them 'you can't pour from an empty cup'.  I am much better at keeping my cup full these days 

A Peek into my Day

Unpausing

Hello.

Life has moved on.  By, ahem, 18 months.

A long pause. 

filled with things known, parenting, knitting sewing, work, volunteering, fundraising, a trip to South Korea (Alice).

and unknown, more work hours, more fundraising, a trip to Norway (Cameron), learning Romanian.

College is finished, courses successfully completed.  Home educating continues into a sixteenth year.  I am savouring these years knowing that they are slowing moving to their end.

As we move into a new season our lives shift into one too.  Cameron is out at work, full time, earning funds for future travel plans.  Alice is considering her future and where she might want that to go, pondering exams her cohort will take next year, will she too?  Pockets of time are ever expanding for me to do as I choose, it continues to be a novel experience, one which I am learning to lean into.  I will always be a parent but I can feel things shifting, I am not always needed.  

This new season is also a time for resetting things, a particular kind of new year.  After a summer of a free form version of routine it is time to find a new one, one that fits where we are now, this might be different to one that has gone before.  And that is ok.

Like the tides we are pulled together regularly by the need to eat and to enjoy each others company.  A sacred time every evening.  A tradition started my mum who insisted me and my siblings were home for tea every day whatever we were doing, in those days before mobile phones the time imprinted on to us via a blackboard in our kitchen.  We linger a little longer at this time of day now, making sure we eat at a time when no one needs to rush off.  These times are important aren't they, it won't be long before we are just two at home, the children out in the world doing their own thing.  I need time to move slowly right now, to prolong these moments and treasure them whilst I still have them. 

Pauses are a permanent feature for me now, I am leaning into them and finally able to enjoy them completely guilt free.  Book reading in the middle of the day, yep.  Napping when I am tired, yep.  Ignoring the housework when I need to rest, yep.  Life is still crazy busy and filled to the brim but sometimes there is room in there for a wee pause, one that is not filled with the guilt that us mums are warrant to pile on ourselves.

What do you fill your pauses with?

New beginnings

It is the time of the Spring Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere (if you are in the Southern Hemisphere you can read my Autumn Equinox post here) that special time when the daylight and darkness are the same the world over because the sun is right over the equator.  As it begins its journey North we will get more sun over the coming weeks, our days will get longer and our nights shorter, its warmth will return.

In the heart of a seed

Buried so deep

A dear little plant

Lay fast asleep

Wake said the sun

And creep to the light

Wake said the voice

of the raindrops bright

The little plant heard,

And arose to see

What the wonderful 

outside world might be

K Brown

Everything in nature is coming alive and awakening, as the sun gains in strength and the days are longer and warmer.  Blossom and catkins will or are, depending on where you live, be appearing on the trees, spring flowers are starting to appear and the animal kingdom are preparing or having their young.

We have spent the last few months, the months of dark of cold resting and recharging.  Now that the days are slowly growing longer and nature is coming alive, we can awaken our inner energy.  We can start to give form to the ideas and plans we have been thinking about and give them shape and direction.

At the time of Samhein, we sowed the seeds of future plans, of thought and ideas which we have been holding on to during the time of dark.  Now at this time of emergence, this time of fertility, we can start to give our plans shape, to help them grow.  If you haven't done so already now is a good time to share those plans with others. 

If it is your thing, a seed meditation is a lovely way to feel connected with the Earth at this time of awakening and emergence.  Get yourself into a comfortable sitting position somewhere outside, if you want to you can close your eyes.  Imagine you are a seed full of life, plant yourself into the warming Earth, feel the water of life falling on you gently until you begin to open up.  Feel you roots growing and reaching down into the Earth, they are soaking up and drinking all the wonderful nutrients the Earth provides  Feel a shoot unfold in the the air, your leaves unfolding and soaking up the suns rays.  You have everything you need to grow, for your well being, you are in radiant health. Open your eyes when you are ready.

The equinox is a time of balance, the night and day, the light and darkness are equal.  Some would say this is a time when the inner and outer worlds we inhabit are also in balance, equals.  We can use this time to look at areas of unbalance in ourselves, be kind to yourself whilst you give thoughts to these to help you rebuild positive thought patterns for your future.

It feels particularly poignant, that the wheel of the year is at the time of balance whilst we are feeling that the world around us is anything but.  It is more important than ever to find a balance in our lives, if we feel ourselves being pulled into a world of worry and anxiety, with actions that make us feel positive.  It is important that we don't feel bad for doing that, we are not going to get through this without this balance.  We will not be able to support and care for those that we love if we are not in a strong and as stable as possible position ourselves.  Make the time to work out the things that you need in your life to keep you positive, whatever they are, keep them near.

This is the time of new beginnings, a time to start new things, to go in new directions maybe strike out on our own to make things happen.  This is a time of hope.

Over the coming weeks as our plans for the future start to take shape, blossoming into reality, like the world around us waking up, our actions will be guided by the positive side of ourselves.  

If you can spend time outside, do so, going slowly, noticing.  Give thanks to Mother Earth for the new growth, the eventual return of the warmth, the transformations that are slowly unfolding around us, for her fertility and abundance.

Feel yourself to be part of that energy and life, bursting from the earth.  In this time of uncertainty I do hope that you can find hope, ways to stay positive and a sense of balance.

Adventures in my Kitchen

This post comes to you from my kitchen.  We definitely feel like we are slow stepping towards Spring here, the days are longer, the sun is shining more.  It is still bitterly cold and we are still getting frost and the occasional flurries of snow.  In the kitchen we are most definitely still eating the food of winter.  The veg boxes are full of root veggies and will be for many more weeks to come.  I am heading towards the time of being ready to move on from those but know that is still a way off yet.

My kitchen is a small space, 3.7m x 2.8m this has been extended from the original footprint of 2.8m x 2.5m by previous owners removing internal walls.  I have also made use of an under stair cupboard as a pantry which originally would have been in the hall.  I have read in a few places recently that having your washing machine in the kitchen is a peculiar quirk of Europeans, whilst I cannot speak for those over the channel, where I have not visited many private homes, in the UK it is commonplace.  This is because it is often the only place to put it.  Many of our homes were built before washing machines were even a thing so a separate utility room is a rarity, my house is nearly 100 years old and is unusual in my village as it was originally built with an internal bathroom, most of the houses we looked at before buying this one had had a bathroom retrofitted by taking some space from the largest bedroom.  The alternative would be to locate it in the living room or dining room as the hall is not a big enough space, that is the downstairs of my house, so the kitchen is where it sits and always will do.

I am continuing to make full use of my slow cooker, I love that I can throw some ingredients into it in the morning and by the evening we have a tasty meal to eat.  It is really helpful on those days when we are home a bit later and need to eat shortly after we walk through the door.  I have found that jacket potatoes do well, they don't have the crispy outer that you get from the oven but that is a small price to pay with the amount of electricity we are saving.  I wrap each potato in silver foil and place it in the slow cooker, it takes about 3-4 hours on the highest heat on mine.  Being the frugal person that I am I keep the silver foil unwrapping the potatoes carefully each time to allow for that, it lasts about five or six uses.  I bought a new to me recipe book last month and have found a few dishes in there that go well with jacket spuds, pinto bean chilli being our most favourite so far.  We love these beans and I love it when I find a recipe to use them in.

My sourdough starter is still doing well, I thought I had killed it at one point but I threw most of it into the compost bin and fed it up again and it was as right as rain within a couple of days.  I make bread at least once a week, sometimes more, if I have the oven on more often.  I cut the loaves in half and freeze them, that way I always have a supply.  I feel like I have mastered the recipe that I have been using for a while now and am considering others to give us some variety.  I watched a series of programmes about sourdough and have used some of the techniques mentioned in them, I feel like I am slowly getting a feel for the dough, how much I need to kneed it and what it should look like when it is properly cooked.  I am realising that these are skills that are so much easier to pick up if they are passed on rather than read about in books.

I had an intention to make and eat more fermented foods this year.  I haven't got round to making sauerkraut yet but I have had a continual supply of fermented pancake mix to make dosas.  There are hundreds of recipes out there to make these pancakes, mine uses quinoa and lentils with fenugreek powder.  As it is winter I have to leave this mix for a few days to get the fermenting process going, it sits on the side doing its thing.  I am eating a pancake for breakfast a couple of days a week.  I have also made a quantity of fermented coconut chutney to go with them, I am still working my way through the first batch I made this year but it is running low so I need to make some more soon.

These dosas have been a welcome re-addition to my breakfast choices, I am not a cereal girl and I am not keen enough on porridge to have it every day.  I had been eating boiled eggs every morning which whilst quick and easy is not very varied.  I have been making oatmeal pancakes again, a really simple recipe of medium oatmeal soaked overnight in yogurt before adding egg in the morning and frying them up into wee patties.  They are delicious with fruit and as I have a freezer brimming with fruit picked from the garden I have been making coulis with blackcurrants to have with mine, a good burst of Vitamin C which is always good thing in Winter.

I have also re-introduced risotto into our menu, we have it each week now after Alice requested it.  I have been looking for different recipes to give us some variety, apart from the traditional, for us, of just adding peas we have also had mushroom, tomato and mozzarella, squash and chilli and leek and tomato and mascarpone, this last incarnation is very rich but totally delicious.  If you have any vegetarian risotto recipes that you would care to share I would love to hear about them.

I have mentioned salve making on a previous post from my kitchen, I tried two batches last year and both sadly went mouldy.  I don't think the leaves were quite dry enough when I put them in the oil.  I removed a few leaves from my comfrey plant late last year and had them drying in the bowl in the kitchen.  I finally got round to soaking them in oil at the beginning of the year, they will soon be ready for making up into salves and are looking like they will not go mouldy this time, third time lucky, I hope.

That is my round up for my kitchen in Winter I will back again in the Spring, bye for now.

Busy (Gently) Doing

The last month has flown by and here we are nearly in the middle of February.  I most definitely did not want life to go back to business as usual after the lovely break over Christmas and New Year, that seems like a distant memory now but I would still love to go back to the gentle flow our days had back then.  

Alice and I had a lovely week away visiting friends.  It was a long drive which took most of a day but well worth the trip.  She spend a week with a friend, I stayed a little with her friends parents and also took the opportunity to spend a couple of days with a friend I have known for most of my life.  We met when we were 5.  It's that kind of friendship where we can pick up from where you left off last time we spoke or met.  We haven't managed to meet face to face for eight years but chat regularly on the phone.  I love that so many of the choices we have made in life are the same with out us even talking about it before making them, I sure that is one of the reasons that we have stayed part of each others lives for so long.  My great aunt who died last year at the age of 104 still talked about a friend whom she had known for nearly 100 years.  The friend died a couple of years ago just after their hundredth birthdays, they spoke on the phone every day, I very much hope my friend and I are still doing that in our nineties, if we live that long!  There is something very comforting about a friendship that has lasted so many years.  There is no explaining to do, the shared history is enough.  

Driving to stay with friends was actually my second time away in a month, most unusual for me who doesn't leave my county from one month to the next.  Eldest was on an Archery coaching course over a weekend, it was just far enough away that it would have been a lot of driving back and forth.  I decided to risk it with booking accommodation and wait until a couple of days before, sure enough I found a really cheap property for two nights reducing the driving considerably.  Unfortunately the bargin accommodation turned out to be cheap because the heating was on very very low.  The house despite being a terrace was freezing which we wouldn't have minded except there was no extra bedding in the house and sleeping was difficult in very cold beds.  I think I managed about six hours over two nights, driving home on the Sunday night it was a toss up between a warm car to take off the chill which made me sleepy or a cold car to keep me awake.  It took me four days to properly warm up again and I felt like I was keeping something like a virus at bay too, eldest sadly succumbed later that week and had his first day off college in over a year.

I have taken on some more work hours, it is a temporary situation helping out whilst a permanent appointment is made.  I did not think I have the capacity to work any more hours and I really don't.  It is only an extra two hours a week but it is two hours that I have had to take from other things, two hours, that  in reality I don't really have to give. I knew that, but it is not a permanent arrangement.  There have been many weeks when I have had things on every evening of the week and coupled with busy days and weekends I am meeting myself coming back some days.  But I know it will be ok as it is not forever, I can give it to someone else, I hope sometime soon.  

The day before our week away I picked up my glasses to read a recipe and realised that one of the lenses was missing.  I looked everywhere for it and all these weeks later it has still not turned up.  I hadn't worn them much that day except to drive Alice to her piano lesson.  I am pretty sure it was in the glasses then as wearing them without it made my eyes feel very odd, but who knows, maybe it wasn't there then.  I prefer to wear glasses for driving, I am right on the legal limit in my country, I don't have to, but feel safer when wearing them.  Luckily I had an old pair which were a similar enough prescription for driving.  I wear varifocals and the long sighted bit was not, reading and close work has been a bit of a challenge.  I had had my eyes tested recently and decided not to upgrade my lenses after that as there was only a minor change.  I now have two pairs of new glasses, if a pair breaks I mow have a spare.  It is the first time that has ever happened to me in thirty plus years of wearing glasses, hopefully it is the last.

I have finished reading two books already this year.  One I started last year so not sure that really counts but if I carry on at this rate I will double last years count.  Both books were non-fiction history books, one about Roman Britain, Under Another Sky was a interesting account of Roman remains across the country interwoven with the legacy of that time period both on the lives of subsequent generations and the built environment.  The other book was closer to home, Ring of Stone Circles is about the neolithic and Bronze Age stone circles and henges of the county where I live.  I knew that we had a lot, but I had no idea that they were quite so numerous, they are less well known as in other parts of the country.  My village has a rich history from this period although sadly the evidence has been mostly destroyed by road and railway building.  I love that both of these books has a useful glossary in the back listing the places they visited.

Alice and I have started going for a longish walk on a Monday afternoon each week, we have not always been blessed with dry weather but have decided we will go whatever the weather.  I prefer to walk at this time of year, going out in the rain is not always my idea of fun but there is nothing quite like returning home lighting the fire and warming up after a bracing walk in horizontal rain.  Inspired by my recent reading we have visited an Iron Age hill fort, two henges and three stone circles amongst other places.  We have just finished a project on Geology and have plans to do some geology walks locally too, we also live in an area rich in many different and interesting rocks.

We have also celebrated Burns Supper with our Explorer Scout unit, Imbolc with friends, helped plant over 1000 trees, learnt how to coppice, made a bird feeder, participated in the RSPB Big Garden Watch, finished sewing a rucksack, knitted socks, a hat and some mitts.

The busyness has calmed this past week as Alice had picked up a virus of some sort which has kept us at home all week.  She is all better now but I really needed that time at home to reset.  I managed an afternoon nap and some time on the sofa on more than one evening.  I have hit the weekend feeling more relaxed and am now ready to tackle another full on week.  The peaks and troughs of life flow on.

Listening to your intuition

This week is the half way point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox in the Northern Hemisphere, the time of Imbolc, a time to celebrate the start of the earth awakening as we are starting our slow journey back towards the sun,   It is still very much Winter so we may not feel it at the moment but our temperatures will start to slowly rise, this will bring with it the wonder of nature that is new life, the sap will rise, unseen by us, inside the trees bringing with it new energy.

Wish for the Fields

Night is dark and cold and long,

Winter's hold is still so strong.

But beneath the earthen crust

underneath the frozen dust

Life is growing, moving, thriving

roots are drinking, resting, striving

Buds are swelling on the trees

In the hives still sleep the bees

But moving, humming, strumming, sing

Soon we all will welcome, Spring

M. Johnson

The days are very slowly beginning to lengthen, have you noticed how it is a little lighter, from one week to the next, particularly in the evenings?  It really feels like we are heading towards the time of Spring when that starts to happen, doesn't it, that extra light gives us hope and prepares us for the warmer temperatures that we know will come in the weeks ahead.

During the dark time we have looked to our inner strength to grow and support us.  It has helped us to release our fears, a journey that we started at Samhein by bringing them into focus and recording them, leaving them behind, maybe you did this in the flames of a fire.  We have been resting and recharging over Winter, now is the time to truly say goodbye to and cleanse ourselves of those thoughts that give us doubt and lessen our intuition, releasing our fears can help us on that journey to make peace with them, making space for us to welcome in new plans.  We can then start to use our inner strength to bring forth our visions as ideas for the future.

The Earth around us will begin its slow journey of waking after its rest in the coming weeks that take us to the Spring Equinox.  This is a time of new beginnings, the buds will soon appear, small shoots will poke their way through the soil, you may have already seen these, the snowdrops are just starting to appear where I live.   As the nature spirits begin to stir, waking from their long sleep and seeds long buried and beginning to wake and shoot; this is a time for us to sow the seeds of new plans and new beginnings, those that we started to think about back at the time of Samhein and have been starting to give shape to since the Winter Solstice, over the coming weeks our seeds of a new beginnings, plans, learning or adventures can start to take more shape.

I like to think

That, long ago,

There fell to earth

Some flakes of snow

Which loved this cold,

Grey world of ours

So much, they stayed

As snowdrop flowers

Mary Vivian

If it is your thing, doing a Rising Meditation at this time of year can be an amazing way to feel connected to the earth and to absorb its rising energy.  If you get yourself into a comfortable standing position, perhaps with bare feet and/or closing your eyes if you want to.  Staying still, feel the ground beneath you feet, feel its energy, feel that energy flowing into your feet, up your legs into your body, into yours arms, your fingers, up your neck and into your head.  Feel that energy flowing through you, strengthening you, holding your hand, guiding you in the direction that you want to go.  Think about your positive qualities, those things that you are good at, you are an amazing person, you can use these qualities you value in yourself in the year ahead, they will serve you well.

We can also use this time to cleanse our lives physically too, maybe giving away possessions that we not longer have a use for or perhaps stopping an activity or job that we find draining and get no pleasure from and that we have the ability to change. Decluttering our homes is a really rewarding thing to do, if it feels like a huge task, start with one small area, or a cupboard, take your time and don't try to do it all at once.

If you have absorbed the rising energy of the earth, try and make time to feel that rising energy again over the coming weeks; use that energy to bring your seeds of new plans and beginnings into being.  As we emerge from our restful state, as we absorb the energy from the Earth may our actions be guided by the reflective, feeling and caring side of ourselves, the path of our heart where we follow our dreams and deepest wishes.  May we pledge to ourselves to listen to the path of our heart and to our intuition, the inner voice we often quieten with our doubts, but which is so often a voice of wisdom.

Memories to Treasure

As we enter a New Year ready to be filled with memories, I, like so many bloggers, have been looking back at the past year.  I sometimes write A peek into my day posts, I thought it would be fun to use similar prompts to look back at last year. 

Outside my window

I am so blessed to live in a beautiful place, I will never tire of the view from my window.  Each and every time I open my curtains to greet the outside world, I never know what I am going to see.  A grey dull day with low cloud obscuring my view, a cold and icy winter morning which is slowly waking up, the moon still shining brightly catching the first rays of winter sun, the green haze of spring or the beautiful colour palette of autumn.  Every single one catches your breath with its beauty.

We finally got new neighbours, they moved in a year, almost to the day, since our previous neighbour died.  We were a little baffled as to why it took so long for renovation work to start as we had thought the house had been sold back in February.  It turns out the sellers never sorted probate, to transfer the house to their names, after their mother died three years ago.  It seems they were selling a house that did not actually legally belong to them.  By mid August it was all sorted and renovation work started in earnest, for two months there was a lot of noise and bustle but all is quiet now.  It is bittersweet to have different neighbours, we are glad someone is living in the house, but it is tinged with sadness as a reminder that our beloved neighbour is no longer with us.  We really noticed last Winter that the heating was off, our house was noticeably cooler the heat drifting into the unheated space next door, our house is the middle of a terrace

It felt like we had four proper distinct seasons last year.  Sometimes spring, summer and autumn can all feel the same as the temperatures don't rise enough to distinguish summer from the seasons either side, the extra hours of daylight the only differentiation.  The warm and sunny summer meant that my garden produced plenty of vegetables for us, we don't have enough space to be self sufficient, but there is nothing like a home grown salad freshly picked and eaten immediately.  We found a CD with photos of the garden when we moved in, I had been searching for those pictures earlier in the year and finally found them when we were decluttering last week.  A computer died on us about sixteen years ago and took two years worth of photos with it, luckily we had shared many photos with family members so we got them back but had clearly not got round to putting them back on our current PC.  It made me realise, seeing those old photos, how much work we have put into our garden .

The dramatic rise in energy bills has galvanised us into increasing the number of solar PV panels we have in an attempt to reduce our bills slightly.  We already have solar water heating panels on the roof of our house which fill it front and back so we are making use of the garage and workshop roof for solar PV panels.  We already had a few up there which have been using to provide electricity for the garage and workshop, but we are in the middle of installing an array of 24 panels to give us a greater supply.  We have a friend who is an electrician who is going to wire them into our mains feed so that we can supplement the supply we pay for. It may also be time to find a suitable place for a small wind turbine which we have talked about for years.

I am thankful

I have had so many things to be thankful for this past year, I am sure I could write a post entirely about that.  We had a wonderful family gathering in March, our first in years.  It was lovely to spend a few days with my niece, all my nephews, siblings and parents, I very much hope we can find a time to do it again this year.

I continued to embrace rest and pausing during the year, making more space for it in my life.  I started off taking afternoon naps, something I shall continue this winter, it felt good to have this as part of my hibernation.  Even when lift got crazy busy in the summer there was still time for pausing, a different kind of rest to that which I was taking in the Winter but a rest none the less.  This is a legacy of lockdowns that I want to continue with for years to come.

I have some wonderful friends in my life, their friendship has carried me through many a time this past year, when I needed a listening ear there was always one available.  Those tough moments in our life are always so much more bearable when we have someone to help us through.

In my kitchen

I started making sourdough again, creating a starter and keeping it going.  I watched a lovely series on the internet which gave me a new found confidence and improved my loaves no end.  

In those weeks when I have a little more time to plan our menus I have made sure to get out recipe books that I have not used for a while to search for old favourites that I have forgotten about.  What that reminded me is that I am making recipes from those books.  When I cook something often enough I can then cook it from memory so those books which I don't think I am cooking from are getting used all the time, from my head. 

The slow cooker has become my new oven and gets used far more, a bonus as it is so much cheaper than turning the oven on.  I have had a couple of fails but in the main I have managed to wing it to adapt oven based recipes to great success.  What that means is that I have to be highly organised on the rare days that I do use the oven to make bread and cakes neither of which I have tried in the slow cooker as I am not sure if that is possible.  Perhaps that is something I should look into for this year.

I have created

Almost all the creating this year has felt like it was for fundraising, with the exception of several pairs of socks, I have knitted one hat, a pair of mittens and two jumpers which is a very short list of finished projects for me.  I did not do much fundraising knitting just a mountain of dish cloths, it is a little slow to be a good use of time in relation to the funds you can raise.  Small items tend to sell better, we have found, even small knitted items take time.

It is the same with sewing, I completed one project, a basket, which was a present for a friend, I started but have not finished a picnic blanket, and Alice and I have started making her a rucksack.  Fundraising sewing was making needle cases out of old felted jumpers and scraps of fabric from my stash.  

We were lucky enough to invited to join some home educating families on a few day courses to make jewellery, willow baskets and a stained glass hanging it was lovely to be able to have a go at these things, guided by a professional, without having to buy in all the equipment ourselves.  I have long realised that are a lots of things I would love to do but simply don't have the time to devote to them all, so attending a day course is a great compromise.

We made a mountain of clay Christmas decorations most of which sold, they were a great return for the time and cost of making them, a three pound block of clay made over a 100 which we sold for 50p - £1 depending on the size.  We have also made some daisy chains which did not sell at Christmas markets but hopefully will sell at stalls in the coming months.

We also did a lot of needle felting, this is another creative project that does not take a lot of time and has a good return for the cost of making them.  We felted numerous hearts which we made into garlands changing the colours with the seasons as we went through the year.  For the Christmas markets we made small star garlands.  We have sold about 30 heart garlands (that was 90 hearts in total) and ten star (that was 50 stars in total).

I have been

I haven't travelled a great distance this year despite driving many miles a week, it is all close to home.  We travelled in March to our family gathering that I mentioned above, we accompanied Cameron on his D of E expedition in a neighbouring county and returned there a few months later to assess another group both of which were a lovely few days of exploring the area with Alice.  We visited my mother in law twice once in the summer and a second visit that ended up being squished between Christmas Day and a commitment on the 29th.  The arrangements for both of these visits were less than ideal, I am not sure where the communication is breaking down but I have realised I need to be more on it with making sure that they are nailed down water tight at the earliest opportunity.  When you get invited for Christmas and then get told in December that that does not include Christmas Day as other arrangements have been made, as they also have on the 29th, a one full day visit is a rather short and expensive, for a 600 mile return journey.  

We had a wonderful family holiday a few miles from home, I realise that my intention to blog about that did not happen, lost in the busyness of the summer months.  We have become very last minute about organising husbands time of work, usually shoe horning it at the last minute between other commitments.  I am thinking that it would be better if we got some dates in the diary now and then other plans can be made round them, family life needs to come first.

I am remembering

My beloved Great Aunt who died earlier this year at the age of 104 and a half.  She lived a seven hour drive from me, not a journey I managed to make that often.  Our annual visits for the last thirteen years have been an important part of our year.  I have missed making that trip this year.  She was the most wonderful story teller remembering times in her life from so very many years ago.  Her memory never faded, my memories of her will never fade, she is our link to an earlier very different time.  I am blessed to have a photo of her as a toddler with my granny and their mother, my great grandmother, taken in 1920, it used to sit at the top of the stairs in her house so is also a memory of my time spent with her.

I had been blogging for ten years this year an anniversary that passed me by in February,  I have had several long pauses in that time so I may only have about five years worth of posts.  This is post number 906.  I love reading back over old posts, not just to see what we were up to but so that I can see how much my writing has changed over that time.

I have read

I am not one for keeping lists of the books I have read, I have no idea how many books I have actually read this year.  Looking at the books in the house I was not quite sure what I have finished reading this year and what I might have actually read last year.  I did not visited a library in 2022 so I know that if I have read a book it will be in the house somewhere.  What I can say with confidence is that I did not read a single work of fiction this year.  Highlights for me were Hand Wash Cold: Care Instructions for an Ordinary Life by Karen Maezen Miller, Finding the Mother Tree by Suzanne Simard, Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake and Mothers of Invention by Katherine Marcel.

Around the house

We have done very little work inside the house this year, a couple of new shelves and other tweaks.  I wanted to do more decluttering in 2022 and boy did I manage that.  I went round the house slowly room by room, removing things that we had not touched for years.  Cupboards and other spaces were emptied out and sometimes completely reutilised as the entire contents were no longer needed.  There were many spaces that were not touched or need revisiting this year too.  Decluttering is an ongoing job and one which I am loving doing.

Along side the decluttering I am still using the same method for keeping the house clean that I started at the beginning of 2020.  I often take breaks when the whole family is home but as I know I will be picking it back up again when the holidays are over it matters not that the house is ignored for a few days or weeks.  The premise of this method is that you have daily jobs, thirty minutes a day on one room a day for four days of the week and then one day a week when you focus on a deeper clean on one of your rooms on rotation.  My days of the week and the jobs I do are very different from the inspiration for this method but they work for me and that is the important thing isn't it.  I very much had a love hate relationship with house work before finding this inspiration, I wanted to do it but hated the tasks so never got started.  Breaking it down like this is perfect for me which is why I am still doing it three years later.  It is now a habit and an integral part of my morning routine.

Favourite quotes 

I am a sporadic collator of quotes, I have a few that I keep in the front of my diary and transfer from year to year.  I did not write many down this year, I thought I had more but this is all I could find.

We can't change our history but we can change our relationship with it.  

These are words that I have read on repeat this year to remind myself that things that happened in my past were not my fault.  Like a big hug, which we all need sometimes.

The thing that screws us up the most is the picture of how it is supposed to be, what if we deleted that, the idea of that, and we just looked at what is and found it to be enough.

I heard these words on a podcast and pressed the rewind button so many times to listen to them again and again before realising that I needed them to be written down.  They were spoken by Glennon Doyle.  These words have reframed things for me completely and when I find myself reverting to the unachievable picture these words pop into my head as a reminder that that is a less than helpful place to go to.

Enjoy the little things in life because one day you will look back and realise they were the big things.

A friend shared these words with me as she had found them to be a comfort to her.  She didn't write them and I have seen them written elsewhere too.  In the last few years I know that I have changed my focus a lot and one of the things that gets more of my time is those seemingly little things.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

I went on a course many years ago, which spent some time looking at the impact of our actions on others.  I don't remember much about the rest of the course but that part has continued to stay with me.  I always try to be careful about the words I use around others to ensure that I don't cause harm or hurt, I also accept fully when I have done that to others.   I have been on the receiving end of messages that were written in this vain in this past year, if I had written a reply immediately it would have come from the heart not the head, writing and speaking when emotions are running high is never wise and invariably leads to pain.  Pausing and reflecting is the only way I can respond rather than react.

I have learnt

I rekindled my Duolingo account, after a long hiatus, at the end of 2021 after watching many films in Swedish and wanting to learn some of the language.  I managed it for a few lessons and then my limited knowledge of the intricacies of grammar in English meant I had to stop so I switched back to French.  I am lucky to have an old Duolingo account which was set up in 2012 so I get to make as many mistakes as I like as I have unlimited lives, you have to subscribe to get that on an account now.  I received some stats at the end of November which told me how much I have learned in the previous year, I don't remember receiving this before or maybe it was switching to the app on my phone that meant I was a lucky recipient.  Duolingo is learning done in isolation but alongside millions of other users worldwide, you can, if you want, be a part of league tables but I found them to be too distracting so turned them off on my profile.  I was somewhat surprised to learn that I was in the top 6% of language learners on the platform, I didn't think I used it that much with only a lesson per day, I spent an astonishing 4756 minutes (that is 79 hours) learning 1422, new to me, French words.  The few minutes each day add up it would seem.

When Alice secured a place as part of our County's contingent to travel to the World Scout Jamboree taking place later this year I knew that we were in for many hours of fundraising.  I had organised very little fundraising before so it has been a steep learning curve for me and all my fellow parents.  I think by the time we have raised the full amount we will be experts in what works and what doesn't.  The things that you think will be big earners have turned in to big flops and those that you cannot imagine will raise much end up being the best and easiest.  We are nearly there and need to keep going this year to get to our total, I feel sure we can do it and I know I will miss this part of my life when we get to that point.

Not long before Alice secured her place to attend the Jamboree I stepped up to become a Scout Leader myself.  My unit is the one for older teenagers, 14-18 year olds, we call them Explorer Scouts in the UK.  I have been volunteering on and off for this unit for the last twenty odd years but doing a little bit now and then is very different to being the leader.  I am so lucky to have the support of two very dear friends both of whom have years of scouting experience between them.  It was very time consuming at first as I often had to look things up before doing anything, I also wanted to set up my own systems which again takes time.  They always say that your first year in anything new is about learning and your second is about consolidation, this definitely rings true with me and I feel so much more confident with what I am doing now.  There have been moments when I have wondered what I have taken on but I know that learning about this role and learning about fundraising and all the time that consumes, at the same time, was not ideal but I am through the other side now.

I have long wanted to have more spontaneity in my life and be ok with it, to not be controlling and planning everything to be totally watertight.  Life is not like that.  I tried a bit more spontaneity in our lives over the summer last year and it felt ok, in fact it felt more than ok, it felt good.  I really enjoyed the flow our lives had at that time.  I know that I could not be like that all the time and that is ok too, the balance of a bit of it now and then is enough for me.

I have listened

I love listening to Podcasts, they are my own curated radio station these days.  I cannot remember the last time I switched on the radio to listen to a programme.  I could not have imagined writing that a few years ago when the radio was my aural wallpaper from waking up to going to sleep.  I listen to huge variety of podcasts from current affairs such as politics, the environment, LGBTQ+, book reviews, comedy, music, my local countryside and many more besides.  Stand out favourites this year were the wonderful candid interviews on Call me Mother, I hope there is another series this year.  The monthly seasonal podcast released on the first of each month As the Season Turns, it is a cornucopia of interesting information about the natural world.  The fascinating and witty Stories of Scotland which explores Scotland's nature, culture and heritage, each episode is completely different but well researched and a joy to listen to.  I am so grateful to all the folks who give up their time to make podcasts available to us completely free, I donate to some of them to support their work which I hugely appreciate.  

I have not listened to as much music this year, I have some downloaded on my phone but tend to listed to Podcasts when I am driving.  I listed to Spotify at home but don't have it on my phone so can't have it on when out and about.  I often have Spotify on in the evenings when I am reading things online.  They kindly created a playlist for me of my 101 top listen to songs this year, all six hours 35 mins worth, I think some at the bottom have probably had two or three listens, so it is stretching it a bit.  I don't know how many hours I listened to those at the top of the list as I don't have the mobile app, but I do know that my top three songs were, Painter by Låpsley, Roses by George Taylor and Burned by Love by Juke Ross, I know that I listened to these alot, they were amongst a set of songs that I found towards the beginning of the year and made up, along with fifteen or so others, into a playlist which became my go to songs in the evenings.  The artist that featured the most in the list was Blanco White closely followed by Tones and I, two completely different musicians both of which I love.

I am looking forward to

The diary is already looking busy for the coming months, weekends are filling up fast, we blocked out some time to travel to spend with friends who live way south of us, an old school friend for me and a friend who has moved there for Alice, we are looking forward to these days with them.

We are in the process of finding another big house to rent for a few days for another extended family gathering, we need fourteen beds so they are few and far between.  I very much hope that we get something organised again as it was such a lovely long weekend last year.

A few plans for 2023

I don't usually make resolutions for the year, or come up with a word, although I love to read about others doing both, they don't work for me.  I have a few intentions which I am hoping I can make into habits or make happen this year.

I want to make time for my friends, to arrange calls or meeting up face to face.  I always think this will just happen but time drifts by and it doesn't, life is such that I need to be more intentional about making this happen rather than just hoping it will.  My visit to my old school friend is the start of that.  I have already made contact with few other friends whom I don't see or speak to often to see if we can arrange a date for a catch up chat.

Alice had a hard year last year with her oldest friend going off to school which was difficult enough but much exacerbated with a total lack of support extended to her, from them, as she worked through that transition.  She started to feel ready to make new connections at the end of last year and we tentatively started attending a new group.  We have reached out to a new family and hope that we can meet in the coming weeks, she is nervous about this, the lingering effects of last year's events.

Alice and I started doing sewing every week at the end of last year and once we have completed the project we are currently working on we want to make clothes.  I got a book of patterns for Christmas and am looking forward to doing this with her during the year.

I have mentioned my morning routine earlier in this post, another part of that is my daily yoga practice.  On the days when I need to be out of the house earlier I don't manage to fit this in as I am not prioritising it.  When one day becomes three and then more, I really notice the ripple effect of this on the rest of my life.  I want to make sure that I don't miss more than one day in a week during the year this year.  I am also going to restart a journal this year as I know that this will help me to support my yoga, amongst other things.

My last intention is another thing that I have neglected and that is making and eating more fermented food.  I regularly used to make sauerkraut, chutney and pancake mix amongst other things.  I have a lovely fermented food recipe book which I want to start looking through every month to inspire me to try new things.  I know that my gut is in a much healthier place than it has been in the past, my Chrohns Disease has been in remission for 18 years now, but it it is important to look after your gut all the time not just at those times when it needs a bit of extra support.

Thank you so much for reading this very long post.  Thank you to all my lovely readers and those of you that have commented in this past year, I am grateful to you all.  I very much look forward to reading along with you all in 2023, which I hope is a year filled with memories to treasure for you all.

I will leave you with a poem to start your year:

May love and laughter light your days and warm you heart and home,

May good and faithful friends be yours, wherever you may roam,

May peace and plenty bless your world with joy that long endures,

May all life's passing seasons bring the best to you and yours.