Finding my groove

I wonder how many of you were hearing about the news from China back at the beginning of the year and feeling that it seem so far away, perhaps you felt like me that it could never come our way, could it?  We are all experiencing the strangeness of these times aren't we.  It is so easy to forget this when we are all isolated in our homes.

The news over the last few months has made it feel like the world is slowly unraveling, even with words and pictures it is hard to fathom events that are taking place hundreds of miles away whilst our lives continue as normal but now that most of the world is experiencing this together it feels like it is starting to become undone.

Any major change that we make in our lives is usually given considerable thought to, weighing up the possible effects, we take the time to process it, time that helps us to absorb that change into our lives. Around eleven years ago I walked out of my place of work for what I knew would be the last time, I was pregnant with my second child and was unsure what my days would be like going into the future.  Up until then my life had been defined by education or work, it is what gave shape to my weeks, my days, now I would be home all day, everyday with both my children.  I had time to consider the impact of this, and whilst I couldn't envisage how our days might look, at the very least I had had the time to give this some thought.  Now all our lives have been unexpectedly turned inside out and upside down by events that we never thought would reach our individual shores.  We have had changes to our lives imposed on us, that is never easy to stomach even when we know it is for the best.

We could resist, get angry, feel negative.  It is not going to be easy rarely leaving the house, not being able to connect with people who are not living with you, for weeks on end.  But is this really a good use of our energy?  We like to feel that we know when the end will come don't we, it is incredibly hard not knowing when this will be.  We are not in control.

As my weekly rhythm got slowly whittled down from lots of activities to none over the course of a few days it felt like it was slipping away like a receding tide  How on earth was I, were we, going to manage at home, together for weeks on end.  I knew that I could get angry over what was happening and the effect that was having on our lives, letting the negative feelings in to take hold, I also knew that this was not a good use of my energies.  I had to let this happen to enable me to process what these changes meant to our lives and how I could feel connected to them to start the process of looking forward and thinking about a new rhythm for us all.  I was safe at home, not stuck.

So, with a barrier that I had to learn to live it was time to give thought to a different direction one that revolved completely around the home.  I knew that the children, Alice in particular, were feeling rather confused and upset at this sudden turn of events.  She is a highly social child who loves being in the company of her friends as much as possible.  The experience of staying connected with a dear friend of hers who left our shores last year to move to a new life in a new country suddenly became rather invaluable.  She did not want to lose that connection and they had been having regular video play dates for the past few months.  Video calls are not everyones cup of tea but they are definitely hers and her experience of them made the transition  to connecting with all her friends that way a much easier one to travel.

Having spent much of my time over the past week or so ensuring the the children were coping with this new way of spending their days I realise that I have given no thought to where that left me.  Initially I was surprised at how busy I continued to be, there was a part of me that relished the thought of being at home all the time, I could now get on with some of those jobs I never seem to have the time for.  But it is not really surprising that I am busy, the jobs that fill my time are the ones that make our house tick along.  Keeping the house clean, keeping us all fed.

I spent the early days absorbed in these jobs, enjoying the comfort of them, their familiarity. It is difficult to know what day of the week it is when all the things that anchor your days have drifted away.  I am glad of my housework routine and my meal planning right now, which are both giving me new anchors to my days.  I have come to love being able to totally focus on cooking a meal rather than trying to do several other jobs at the same time.  I downloaded an audiobook to my phone and started listening to it whilst I was cooking, it was such a pleasure, a new experience for me to have the time.  It was soothing to listen to whilst I created a meal.  I got so absorbed in the story that one evening I sat down to eat with the rest of the family and completely forgot that I was still listening!

Slowly but surely the dust of change is settling.  We are finding our way into beating a new rhythm and seeing this time as an opportunity.  We have time for focusing in on each other, time for individual projects, time for our daily exercise. We are keeping at our learning in ways that we can, our French time is now watching videos on YouTube, our new sketchbook arrived this week so we can start a new Nature Journal, we have been sewing, knitting, creating things with wood, building bicycle wheels from scratch and tending to the garden.  My seed order arrived and I have been busy burying them in the soil.

I found myself worrying that I won't want to restart all our activities when the time comes but that is not a good use of my energy.  I am living in the present not the future and although it is good to think ahead that is not something I could be usefully doing right now.

I wonder how you are all finding ways to fill you time right now?