Around Here

It has got proper cold here, autumn is sliding towards winter.  We are due snow this week often that is the forecast but not the reality.  We are prepared, the winter tyres are on the cars, if we get loads we will just stay at home.

We have had our annual birthday month, my husband and I at the beginning of last month and my son last week. When Alice was little she found it so hard to wait six more months for hers to come round.  My son is now 20, that time has past so quickly, but slowly too which is a weird dichotomy.  I will not be writing about him much now not that I have in the past few years as I haven't blogged that much.  He is at home with us, working full time earning some funds to go travelling next year.  It is a new stage of family life for all of us.

After a very full and (too) busy October I have managed to keep the diary much quieter for this month.  A better balance of fairly busy weekends and whole weekends with no commitments at all.  The absolute perfect indulgence which I am embracing to the full.  I have turned down offers, meet ups and meetings, and am embracing the season.

My quieter weekends means that I have been doing many things at home that I never seem to be able to find the time for.  At the beginning of the year I wrote a list of the things that I would like to sew during the course of the year,  I have added to it a few times over the months but it was not a very long list.  I love sewing but I am slow and don't have room in my house for a dedicated sewing space.  Getting everything out and putting it away each time I sew means it doesn't happen very often.  I have, however,  completed two of the those projects this month alone.  I will share photos of them when the light is good enough to take some photos, it is a little grey and gloomy here at the moment.

I have also had a bit of tidy up of my yarn stash.  It is entirely made up of balls that are leftover from knitting projects most of which are parts of balls, there is a small bag of unused balls where I have bought that extra ball as a just in case and not actually needed it.  I am not one for buying yarn that I like and might use one day, although I am often tempted.  It is all stored in a big fabric basket that I made, you can see it in this post here.  It is hardly surprising that after four years of adding to the yarn in this basket and not taking much out it had become an overflowing mess.  It is still in Alice's bedroom although in a different piece of furniture now.  I was clearing out the knitting bags I have in the living room and found several balls that needed putting away in that overflowing basket.  I have been meaning to tidy it up and maybe get rid of some of the yarn in there and spent a least an hour doing just that.  Part way through I realised it was probably about time to find a project or projects to use up some of it so I had a look on Ravelry.  For those of you not familiar with this site it is a knitting (and crocheting) rabbit hole website with thousands of amazing patterns, many of them free.  I didn't stay on there long, but long enough to find at least one pattern that will use up a significant proportion of my stash.  I have moved all the yarn for that project into a basket which is now in the living room waiting for me to get started on it.  I put some in a bag for the charity shop and the rest has gone back in the fabric basket.  It is far better organised now.

Whilst my stash project waits to be cast on, I am knitting presents for that event next month, it feels a bit early to be writing that word here, although I am also on with making cards for it too.  I have a (second) sock, a hat, a wash cloth and mitts on the needles right now.   Lots of small projects, one of which always leaves the house with me wherever I am going, even if I only have time for a few rows it means they are all growing.  I have two more pairs of socks and another wash cloth to make, I think that is entirely manageable.  I have already finished a small jacket for a special bunny, the soft toy sort of bunny, that belongs to my nephew.

With life slowing down a little I have had time to revive my rather neglected sourdough starter and have been making bread more regularly again.  The loaves were a little weird to start with I think the starter was a bit lifeless, the loaves were so heavy and indigestible.  A little TLC has bought it back to life and the loaves are once again back to their normal, tasty selves.  We are not big bread eaters in our house, we only eat one of two loaves a week but much prefer home made bread.

I made a batch of sauerkraut last month, I bought one of these at the end of the summer and really wanted to try it out.  I have been making sauerkraut on and off for years.  I have a Sandor Ellis Katz book which I have used endlessly, I have yet to make a duff recipe from this treasure trove.  Apart from that is sauerkraut, it more often than not goes mouldy before it has fermented properly.  It didn't matter what I did, or how much I sterilised or didn't, the mould would arrive.  I even cleaned out my pantry as I wondered if it was something in the air in there, still didn't work.  I don't thing my weights were doing the job at keeping air from coming into contact with the vegetables.  The Kefirko fermenter seems to be doing just the job, after a whole month there is no sign of any mould.  I am looking forward to cracking it open this week to see if it tastes as good as it looks.  If it continues to work after a few more batches I might just have to purchase another one.

Despite a busy October I managed to read two books, Landlines by Raynor Winn her third book about an astonishing walk that she and her husband completed from the far North of Scotland to their home in Cornwall.  It wasn't their plan when they set out, they started on the Cape Wrath trail which is 200 miles of wilderness in one of the remotest parts of Scotland when they finished that they continued on the one trail after another until they made it home.  Those of you who are familiar with Raynor Winn will know that her husband was diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease which improves when they walk.  She is a wonderful writer.  The second was Underland* by Robert McFarlane another writer I love.  This books is about Robert's journey into a variety of subterranean landscapes, he has a wonderful way of weaving words.  This months reading is Doughnut Economics by Kate Raworth, a highly accessible description of an intriguing and most definitely possible way of redefining economics to meet the needs of humans (all humans not just the richest) whilst also not extracting to the point of depletion.  If you haven't already guessed I read non-fiction, pretty much exclusively.  I have read one fiction book this year so far.

I reached a rather amazing milestone earlier this month, a 1000 day streak on Duolingo.  That's over two and half years.  In reality it has been more like 1030 or 40 days as there have been many days when I have had to use a streak freeze to keep it going.  Most of those days when I have been out and about with zero mobile phone reception or access to wifi.  It has mostly been French with a little Ukrainian and more lately Romanian.  It is one of the first things I do when I wake up, a good habit to get my brain going of a morning.

So that is me at the moment slowing down and enjoying and embracing the cold and dark as we move through Autumn into Winter.

* When I typed Underland into this post, it autocorrected to Sunderland.  The Sunderland I know is a city in the NE of England and, absolutely no offence to the place, a totally different place to that of those described in Underland.  It probably has its own subterranean cultures which are every bit as wonderful in their own way.  It made me smile, got to love an autocorrect.

Giving Thanks

We reached the halfway point between the Autumn Equinox and the Winter Solstice a week or so a go, I am a little late with the post but better late than never.  This halfway point is a time some call Samhain (pronounced sow-ein), a halfway point of the dark days, a time of resting and recharging something that I am hanging on to with every effort at at the moment.  My days have been full to the brim one after the other, I have been saying no a lot more this week in an effort to redress that.

I know that Samhain, 31 October, is also a time that some celebrate Halloween, I am not a fan.  As a child it wasn't as big an event as it is now, but people dressed up and had parties, I found it all rather terrifying, now, as an adult I don't feel a connection to it all. I know that so many do and have a great time dressing up and maybe also making mischief, it is really not for me.

We can really see the visible signs that the earth is slowing down, the leaves are providing us with their stunning visual palate turning the most beautiful colours and falling from the trees.  I love to watch the leaves as they make their descent, have you noticed that each tree's leaves have a different way of making their to the ground?  Have a look when you are next out and about amongst the trees.  They and other plants are nearing the start of their period of dormancy.

As we, in the Northern Hemisphere, continue to move further away from the sun our temperatures will continue to fall, bringing with it the frosts, that some might have already had, and later snow, some parts have already had some of this too.  These colder temperatures bring with it the death and decay in the plant world, an important part of the cycle of their life.

Whilst the earth is resting and recharging we can reflect on all that it has provided for us over the past year.  

We give thanks, for the rain, replenishing the earth and sustaining life.  I know for some parts of the world rain is in short supply and in other parts they are flooding with so much rain.  It is more important than ever that we learn to adapt our behaviour and how we manage our resources, to be more resilient to the changes in the weather, so that we are ready for droughts or flooding.  

We give thanks for the abundant harvest from the earth, the food and medicine it provided to sustain our lives.  When we stop and think for a moment that all the food we eat has all been provided by our beautiful planet, it is so amazing.  

We give thanks for the air that we breathe sustaining our lives, allowing us to speak and sing.  This is another resource, like water, which we cannot live without and which we must learn to adapt our behaviour.  I am so lucky to live somewhere with really good air quality the air tastes so different to me in built up urban areas, places that people are living and moving around in all the time.

While the earth rests we too should use this time to rest, giving us a chance to renew and replenish our energies.  We can use this time to think of new plans and new beginnings, for sowing the seeds of our future in our minds and storing it until the time of the light and warmth returning.  A seed of a something you want to do, to be, to learn or adventures you want have.  We are not going to use this time to set them in motion but to incubate them and let them start to take some shape.

We can also use this time to reflect or start to clear our minds of our fears, troubles or insecurities, those thoughts that we go over in our minds.  It is a good time to start the process of letting go of them, perhaps by writing them down or drawing them, whatever way works best for you.  If you have access to a fire, perhaps in your house keeping you all warm, you could burn them as a way of helping you to release.

For Inner Tranquility

Quiet I bear within me

I bear within myself

Forces to make me strong

Now will I be imbued

With their glowing warmth

Now will I fill myself

With my own will's resolve

And I will feel the quiet

Pouring through all my being

When, by my steadfast striving

I become strong

To find within myself

The source of strength

The strength of inner quiet

Rudolph Steiner

Our strength, our inner strength is what will carry us through this period of dark, dormancy and rest. It will help us to release our fears, we have started that journey bringing them into focus and recording them, maybe you have burnt them in the fire, now we need to make peace with them to help us move on.

Our inner strength will guide us to a seed of a new beginning, one that we will take within us and allow it to sit there quietly, as a seed does in the earth awaiting germination and development.  When we are nearing the end of this important time of rest and recharging, allow this seed to come into focus in your mind ready for you to take forward into the Spring, the light and the earth warming once again.

Waste Not, Want Not

When I left home to go to Uni I remember my mum giving me a piece of advice, one of many I am sure but this one stuck with me.  Knowing that I would likely not have a lot of money to spare, as we hadn't growing up, she advised me to ensure that I did not scrimp on spending money on food, to go without other things.

There was not a lot of money in our household growing up, but Mum always made sure that we had good home cooked food to fill our bellies.  We had good quality cuts of meat so did not eat it every day of the week.  Apart from spaghetti which I hated, and still do, I am not a massive fan of pasta generally and baked beans which I haven't eaten since childhood I remember loving every meal my mum cooked.

What I don't really remember from my childhood is being aware of how much food costs or there ever being any food thrown away.  Food prices have gone up a lot in the past few years, I don't know about you but it feels like the bills for a food shop has nearly doubled.  I was horrified by a statistic that I heard on a podcast recently about food waste suggesting that food equivalent to eight meals a week is thrown away uneaten.  This is a statistic that I can visualise and make sense of unlike others which always seem to state the weight of waste in tonnes, I don't personally buy my food by the ton.  That waste not only measures food that is thrown away before it has been prepared or is languishing at the back of a cupboard or the fridge too long but also meals that are prepared and are not all eaten and are thrown in the bin.  I have heard and read so much about food waste, about buying food that never gets eaten before it goes off but I had not even considered the food waste that is a result of food being prepared and then not eaten.  Perhaps I am lucky to have children who are far from being picky eaters but this is so far from the reality in our house, partly because if food is not eaten it gets boxed up and put in the fridge, it wouldn't occur to me to throw it away.  One of my favourite midday meals is to dive into the fridge and produce a meal that is made up of all the random leftovers, my mum used to call this a fridge bottom meal.

I hope that the eight meals a week statistic becomes more widely known as I feel like to could be a good reminder to us all to be more mindful of what we do with the food that we have spend the time earning the money to pay for.  Another interesting comment I heard on the same podcast was about the cost of food and how we are careful with our purchases and then seem to forget that when we have the item at home.  I had not considered that before but I am sure that is so true.  I have often found myself mulling over which brand of an item to buy, is the more expensive one worth the money, will it taste better.  We are careful with our pennies in the shop considering each purchase carefully but then we when get the items home do we continue with that same careful consideration.  I try very hard to but I know there are occasions when I fall off that cart, especially when we are going away I always seem to have a fridge full of leftovers and fresh items that are not quite finished but are not quite enough to make something else with.  I have come up with some of my best meals at these times, meals that it would never be possible to recreate as that unique set of ingredients will be hard to replicate again.

One of the best ways of reducing waste is meal planning as you only buy what you need, and it makes shopping really quick, well it does for me.  I know that meal planning is not for everyone, I started doing it when my youngest was born.  As I go shopping with a specific list I am not tempted by offers which is another way we can end up with wasted food, buy one sometimes two and get one free, if they are items that can be frozen I might be tempted but I rarely buy them unless they are on my shopping list already.

We bought a new to us fridge recently, we happened to see it in a charity shop we sometimes visit.  We were not looking for a new one but our old one was over twenty years old and the plastic inside was so brittle that so many bits had broken beyond usable repair.  We had also outgrown it years earlier but it seemed wasteful to get rid of it when it still worked, it was far too shabby to donate even then.  We have retired it into the garage as storage for grocery items that we buy in bulk from a wholesaler a few times a year.  Our new fridge is twice the size of our old one, I have lost freezer space but I have a big chest freezer in the garage which is now much fuller.  I was finding that food was going off in my old fridge, particularly vegetables and salad bits as it got squashed for lack of space in the boxes that fridges often have for those items.  I also ended up burying items at the back which I often couldn't get to without playing Tetris each time I wanted something.  Keeping things visible in the fridge is so much easier now and seems such a obvious way to stop things going off, so simple but yet it is all too easy for things to get buried and forgotten about isn't it?  I also recently discovered that you can keep potatoes in the fridge, who knew?  I didn't.  I wouldn't have had room in the past but I might just be doing this in the warmer months we have an unheated porch which is the perfect place to store vegetables in the cooler months.

What about you, do you have any tips for preventing food waste you can share?

Counting my Blessings

I left a comment on a blog recently, I wrote it without thinking about how it might be read by others.   It wasn't anything unkind or critical, just that I have not been to see a GP or any other kind of doctor for over 18 years, nor have my son or husband, my daughter was hospitalised with pneumonia in late 2015 but has not been to a doctor again since.

We forget that our ordinary lives might be extraordinary to others, particularly when our experiences do not mirror the norm.  It did not seem unusual to me as I wrote that comment, but when I actually gave it some thought I realised it is.

Our lack of doctor visits does not mean we haven't been ill just not ill enough to warrant a visit. I will admit I have a distrust of doctors so am unlikely to be reaching for my phone to book an appointment and more likely to be doing some research.

In my twenties I was diagnosed, after a barrage of tests which went on for a number of years, with Crohn's disease.  If you have not heard of this it is a chronic condition effecting the digestinal tract my symptoms were in the large intestine.  It floored me for a couple of years restricting my ability to do much physical activity.  Being so young I was frustrated by an illness that was preventing me from doing the activities I loved which required a level of energy that I often struggled to achieve.  I couldn't bear the thought of that being my life, for, well, the rest of my life.

This was in the days before the internet and google doctor.  I had to accept my fate and just get on with it and I largely did until I had a seemly new set of symptoms which put me back in the GP waiting room.  This time it wasn't Crohn's it was the medication I was taking to manage it, they were slowly destroying my liver.  To say I was devastated was an understatement.  More tablets to support my liver?  That is the road I could have gone down but I didn't.  I stopped with that GPs support.  I perhaps should say that at this stage of my life I was moving around a lot working contracts that lasted about 9-12 months, I moved to new GP practices too.  In hindsight this was beneficial as I got lots of different opinions.  The GP that supported me to stop had not been the one to put me on the medication, she was stopping, in the first place.

She also sowed a seed, there were alternatives.  I didn't venture down that road for a few more years.  I stumbled on in the way you do when you are young, largely ignoring and accepting the symptoms I had.  They were not as bad as for some, I functioned in a job that required high energy levels and had a discomfort every time I ate that I had gotten used to.  I questioned this discomfort with a specialist, could my symptoms be related to what I ate.  The answer was not what I expected, Crohn's is nothing to do with what you eat, this was 1996 that may not be what you would be told now.

Nowadays I am symptom free and have been for nearly 20 years.  I restricted my diet for a number of years to manage this until I realised that was a different kind of managing things.  I did a mountain of research and changed my diet again, restricting my intake of a few foods (wheat and refined sugar were two of them) to see if I could reset things.  Thankfully it worked, with the exception of coffee which I absolutely cannot touch and tea which doesn't make me feel great, I can eat anything now.

I am grateful each and every day that my health is good, that I don't need to visit the doctor from one year to the next.  An unexpected consequence, is that by taking responsibility rather than handing that over to someone else, I feel far more in tune with my body.   I am not for one minute suggesting that everyone can and should do this, it has been a slow considered process over a number of years and I am so grateful it has worked for me and had a really positive outcome.

The last time I set foot in my doctors surgery I was there to see the nurse for a routine blood test as part of my continuing management of Crohn's.  I caught flu as a result of that visit.  I went in healthy.  I have never been back.  I have reach age milestones and I get calls inviting me for appointments which I turn down, they are not compulsory and I was not given a reason for attending other than the surgery gets paid for each patient they test.

And no other illness since, I have yet to have Covid.  That could be down to a number of things.  We eat healthily and in season, a lot of our food is organic.  I don't have any refined sugar in my diet.  Or house is relatively chemical free we don't use any products with artificial scents, make most of our cleaning products.  We do lots of activities that are keep us active.  I take rest when I need it.  I sleep well, most of the time, the odd blip here and there is not the norm.  I reach for herbs when I feel something is 'not right' researching when I don't have the answer to hand.  

I have worked really hard on my mental health processing many of the things that have effected me over the years, slowly making sense of them and moving to a place of acceptance from one of resistance and denial.  The connection between physical and mental health and the effect the latter can have on the former is something I am reading and hearing about more often but it is far from mainstream yet.

Is it all of these things, some of these or none of these?  Who knows?  What I do know is that I have worked really hard to be blessed with the good health and I plan to keep it that way for as long as I can.

Sowing seeds of rest

It is the time of Autumn Equinox here in the Northern Hemisphere,  that special day of the year when the daylight and darkness is the same all over the world because the sun is directly over the equator.  It heralds the beginning of its journey south and where I live in the Northern hemisphere, we will be getting less and less sun over the coming weeks, our days will get shorter and our nights longer.  It is the start of Autumn, the door way to Winter, a time for us to prepare for the change in the earth's energy.

The Colour of Autumn

The world is full of colour

Tis Autumn once again

And leaves of gold and crimson

Are lying in the lane

There are brown and yellow acorns

Berries and scarlet haws

Amber gorse and heather

Purple across the moors

Green apples in the orchard

Flushed by glowing sun

Mellow pears and brambles

Where coloured pheasants run.

This is a time to be thankful to the abundant earth and all the resources we harvest.  We take our Earth and the gifts it gives us so freely rather for granted, it can be hard to maintain a strong connection when we are so far removed from the means of production.  We need to do all we can to change the thoughts of those that think they can continue to take, take, take without heed to the consequences.

This is a time to be thankful for the rain which will fall in greater abundance in the coming weeks and months, however annoying and tiresome we find it, it is doing an important job replenishing the soil.

This is also a time to give thanks to all those wonderful people we have in our lives and who we spend time with, be it face to face or online, for their support and connection.  We are so lucky to live in countries where we have freedom to communicate with whomever we wish to and have the choice over how we do this.

As the summer fades away and autumn takes its place, so too does the light.  This is the time of diminishing light with days that can be gloomy, the clouds heavy with rain.  For many animals this is the start of a period of rest, either by hibernating or sleeping more and eating less.  It is also a period of rest for the earth, the leaves fall from the trees and plants as they preserve their energy within and enter their period of dormancy.  Would that we could sleep or remain dormant through this time, but our lives don't fit that pattern.

I know I have been guilty of resisting these dark days and of wanting the light and warmth to return as quickly as possible.  By embracing the darkness we too can preserve our energy, we too can slow down allowing ourselves to recharge, like the earth.

If it is your thing a Root Meditation is a lovely way to feel connected to the Earth.   Sit somewhere comfortable and close your eyes.  Imagine there is a tree behind you, you are leaning on it, feel this tree at your back, firm and strong.  Feel its energy, energy that is flowing through down into its roots.  Now begin to feel your roots reaching down into the Earth spreading out like the roots of the tree.  Feel those roots holding you firm.  Feel the earth's energy flowing through you.  Inhale the nourishment, absorb the calm.  Breath in and breathe out.  Feel your breath rising without any effort at all.  The breath of life, like day and night, like the tides, like the seasons, in and out, in and out.  All is in balance.

So lets look forward to the time of darkness and embrace it into our lives.  Lets be kind to ourselves, give ourselves permission to rest and do less.  Lets reclaim the balance within each of us which can get lost in the busyness of life in the warmer months.  As the circle of the year turns we will be able to head into Spring in six months time, recharged and bursting with energy.

Whilst we are in this time of resting and recharging we can reflect on our achievements throughout those recent warmer months, look back and think about all those amazing things we have done however big or small.  This is not a time to be starting big new projects but rather to think and plant seeds in our heads of where we would like to be, to go, to do in the future.

We can also use this time to let go of things, de-clutter your house and give away those things that are no longer of use to you.  De-clutter your minds and let go of ideas or values which no longer serve you, that are troubling you or causing you pain, listen to and trust your inner voice for guidance and wisdom. Find a way that works for you to release them, maybe writing them down and burning them.

I hope you will move into Autumn with more strength, embracing rather than resisting the dark.  I hope you will be kind and gentle to yourselves.  I hope you can find the time each day or week to rest and be still to enable your body to recharge and reclaim any balance lost.

A Peek into my Day

Outside my window my view is somewhat shortened to a few fields, the clouds are low today

Around my house it is mostly tidy and clean, the carpets, however, are in a desperate need of a hoover, there is a pile of bits at the top of the stairs waiting to be put in the loft, I need them again on Wednesday so I suspect they won't make it up there, half a tent is waiting on a new tent pole as we broke one during its last use, a rucksack hangs on the newel post drying out.

Reading in the news of a terrible tragedy I am incredibly thankful that my Dad is still with us.  He is the same age and was assaulted by a 17 year old after he crashed into my Dad on his electric scooter in a pedestrianised area in his town.  My Dad has poor eyesight, a condition that has no name, but he struggles with changes of light and can no longer see things which are moving quickly, I am absolutely sure he would not have seen the lad.  Despite the assault breaking bones in my Dad's face, for which he was operated on this week, amazingly he did not fall over.  The outcome could have been so very different, for which I feel so blessed.  My thoughts are with the family whom have lost a loved one.

I have started on Christmas knitting this week, am I allowed to mention the C word this early in the year? I guess it is a bit late now.  I am creating a pair of socks, a present for a friend.  I do so love knitting socks.

After what has felt like weeks of rain I am hoping the weather forecast of three days of sunshine this week comes good.  There is nothing like a bit of sun as a pick me up.

With the advent of a new term comes changes to our routine we haven't quite refined it yet and I am thinking about some of the spaces that have been created an whether to fill them with regular things or leave them to see what happens.  It is always fine balance.

A chance conversation with a friend means that we no longer need to do quite so much driving one day a week I am loving the space this has created.  A small thing that has created lightness.

In my kitchen my sourdough starter is doing its thing, my sprouter is full of seeds and beans just reaching that stage of starting to sprout, tomorrows soup, a rather wonderfully named Belly Hug Soup, made with lots of spices, lentils and veg is sat in a pan, there is a loaf of sourdough defrosting on the side to be eaten with said soup.

Although I started work again when the schools went back on the 4th I am going to my first meeting of the term tomorrow night.  Most of my work is completed alone in a time of my choosing, it often gets done out and about whilst Alice is at her groups.

I have a presentation to do this week and I am pondering what to include, I don't want to create death by powerpoint.

I am remembering fond memories of my uncle who died last week.  He was an incredibly talented musician and inspired Alice to take up piano lessons.  I loved listening to him play.

I finished a book last night and am now on to the next one I am reading The Wild Silence by Raynor Winn I am already well into Chapter 3.  I am doing something I never thought I would and am reading some books on my phone.  They have a ridiculous number of pages but I am reading more than I have for a long time, if I am waiting to do a pick up and things are running a little late,  I always have a book in my pocket.

Before Covid I played in an orchestra, our rehearsals stopped when the pandemic reached our shores.  As is the way in family life other things filled its place once things started up again.  That night is once again free and I am wondering if I have space to start going again.

I love Podcasts, they are the soundtrack of my life these days. I am listening to Cautionary Tales with Tim Hartford an eclectic mix of fascinating stories of human error, catastrophes and hilarious fiascos.  I love it when an episode pops up in my feed, there were two this week, to my delight.

After reading an article on substack I am enjoying making use of the Calm app it was suggested as an alternative to doom scrolling on waking, this not something I have ever partaken of but I was intrigued enough to check the app out.  I had tried the Health and Her app but I didn't get on it with, I am enjoying the daily check-in's and reflections on Calm.

I am wearing navy leggings, a long sleeved merino top and stripy me knit socks, I have been for a longish walk this afternoon and have yet to get changed.

I was sorting through the notes on my phone which had become a little numerous, I came across a page of quotes my favourite quote amongst them 'you can't pour from an empty cup'.  I am much better at keeping my cup full these days 

A Peek into my Day

Unpausing

Hello.

Life has moved on.  By, ahem, 18 months.

A long pause. 

filled with things known, parenting, knitting sewing, work, volunteering, fundraising, a trip to South Korea (Alice).

and unknown, more work hours, more fundraising, a trip to Norway (Cameron), learning Romanian.

College is finished, courses successfully completed.  Home educating continues into a sixteenth year.  I am savouring these years knowing that they are slowing moving to their end.

As we move into a new season our lives shift into one too.  Cameron is out at work, full time, earning funds for future travel plans.  Alice is considering her future and where she might want that to go, pondering exams her cohort will take next year, will she too?  Pockets of time are ever expanding for me to do as I choose, it continues to be a novel experience, one which I am learning to lean into.  I will always be a parent but I can feel things shifting, I am not always needed.  

This new season is also a time for resetting things, a particular kind of new year.  After a summer of a free form version of routine it is time to find a new one, one that fits where we are now, this might be different to one that has gone before.  And that is ok.

Like the tides we are pulled together regularly by the need to eat and to enjoy each others company.  A sacred time every evening.  A tradition started my mum who insisted me and my siblings were home for tea every day whatever we were doing, in those days before mobile phones the time imprinted on to us via a blackboard in our kitchen.  We linger a little longer at this time of day now, making sure we eat at a time when no one needs to rush off.  These times are important aren't they, it won't be long before we are just two at home, the children out in the world doing their own thing.  I need time to move slowly right now, to prolong these moments and treasure them whilst I still have them. 

Pauses are a permanent feature for me now, I am leaning into them and finally able to enjoy them completely guilt free.  Book reading in the middle of the day, yep.  Napping when I am tired, yep.  Ignoring the housework when I need to rest, yep.  Life is still crazy busy and filled to the brim but sometimes there is room in there for a wee pause, one that is not filled with the guilt that us mums are warrant to pile on ourselves.

What do you fill your pauses with?