Screens

Welcome to the October 2013 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Kids and Technology
This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written about their families' policies on screen time.
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If I was to draw up a list of the things that have given me the most to think about as a parent I think screens and screen time would be high up.  I have no experience to draw on from my own life.  I grew up in a screen free house, well mostly screen free.  There was no TV and a computer made an appearance some time around my early teens but it was not a computer as we know it today.  It was an early one of these which you had to program.  I spent a small amount of time on it early on but I preferred to be outside.  I did not really use a computer intensively until I started my first office based job in my late twenties, up until then I used them a little as a student and at work which was largely based outside.

We have no TV in our home, I have never lived with one but how you watch TV has changed with on demand software such as iplayer.  In some ways this is more addictive than watching 'programmed' TV as you can decide what content you watch and provided there is enough good content you could watch for hours.

We have a computer or a PC as they are now called which again is vastly different from those early days, you can purchase programmes written by others to enable you do a vast array of activities.  The advent of the Internet has changed our use of computers forever, it has become such a key part in the lives of so many around the world and changed the shape of the world for ever.  This again can become addictive as you weave your way around site after site playing games, reading blogs, researching etc.

We also have a digital projector and a large screen (which scrolls away) connected to one of these.  This system allows us to play DVDs, visual content on USBs and from an iPad.

All of these gadgets are easy to use and children can get to grips with them and navigate round them quickly.  They have been part of their lives since they were young so they have known nothing different, so what approach to managing them?  My eldest started to access the PC at around the age of five he watched a few programmes on CBeebies a BBC channel with programmes aimed at that age group.  The quality of the content on these programmes is high and I was happy for him to watch what he liked.  He would watch two or three at a time and then switch it off, at his behest.  As he got older and learnt to read he started to search the Internet himself mostly for research on topics he was interested in at the time.  Then at some point, I am not sure how old he was, he found the world of games and in he was sucked, rather than spending short bursts on the computer the periods got longer and longer and when he did finally come off he could be aggressive, demanding and not a particularly pleasant person to be around.  I knew what was causing it but I was unsure how to manage it.  I read about different strategies and we tried various methods.  I was reluctant to impose limits so we tried a period of self limiting, he decided when to come off but he stayed on for longer and longer periods I think the longest was three hours.  He has always wanted to go on the computer first thing after breakfast so I tried offering other activities but he was not interested he just wanted to go on the computer.  After trying various ways he now has an hour of games and no limit on other use.  The PC we have allows us to limit use so he uses that for games and after an hour it will shut down.  If he wishes to research or watch anything he does so on an iPad and will dip in and out of that during the day or sometimes not at all.   I have noticed that since introducing this he will happily come off the PC, and straight away engage in another activity. We have purposely not downloaded any games apps on the iPad and it does not support the type of games he likes to play.  I hope that as he gets older, he is nearly nine, he will use the PC less for games and then we can take the limit off, I have noticed recently that occasionally he is not playing games on there at all.  When we go away we do not take the iPads with us and they are not missed and if we are staying in a house with a PC he will not ask to use it. We are fortunate to own two different types of hardware for accessing the Internet which has allowed us to put this is place.

My youngest is not using the PC at all at the moment, she watches a few programmes occasionally on  iPlayer and the odd DVD.  I would say this happens about two or three times a week at the moment, her access is not limited and for the moment she is not particularly interested.

As a family we spend an evening or two a week watching a programme together, this is usually a documentary type programme from iPlayer often on wildlife, science or history.  We have watched and learnt about Romans,Greeks, Celts, Burrowing animals, Whales, Sharks, the Sea, Rivers, Endangered Species and much much more. We rarely if ever watch films as a family as we have found very few films that the children are happy to watch without them hiding behind the sofa. Like all aspects of parenting this is where we are at now, if you were to ask me what we were doing in six months I have no doubt it will be different.

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Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants (list will be updated throughout the day on October 8):

• Has Technology Taken Away Childhood? — Jennifer at Hybrid Rasta Mama worries that technology is intruding on the basic premise of childhood - active play in all forms! Join her as she takes a brief look at how play has changed as technology becomes more integrated into the daily lives of our children.
• Fostering a Healthy Relationship with Technology — Jenn at Adventures Down Under describes her children's love of screen time and how her family implements their philosophy and policies on technology.
• Kids Chores for Tech Privileges — Crunchy Con Mommy shares how tying chore completion to iPad privileges worked in her house to limit screen time and inspire voluntary room cleaning!
• Screens — Without the benefit of her own experience, sustainablemum explains her family's use of technology in their home.
• Screen Time - The Battle of Ideologies — Laura from Laura's Blog explains why she is a mom who prioritizes outdoor natural play for her kids but also lets them have ample screen time.
• The Day My iPhone Died — Revolution Momma at Raising a Revolution questions the role technology plays in her life when she is devastated after losing her phone's picture collection from her daughter's first year.
• Finding our Technological Balance — Meegs at A New Day talks about how she finds balance between wanting her daughter to enjoy all the amazing technology available to her, without it overwhelming the natural parenting she's striving for.
• Raising kids who love TV — Lauren at Hobo Mama sometimes fears what children who love screentime will grow up to be … until she realizes they'll be just like her.
• No Limits on Screen Time? Is that Natural? — Susan at Together Walking shares misconceptions and benefits of having no limits on technology and screen time in their home.
• Screen Time — Jorje of Momma Jorje shares what is currently working (and what hasn't) regarding screen time in her household.
• Positive Use of Technology with Kids — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now tells about her family's experiences with early technology, shares helpful resources from around the blogosphere, and speculates on what she'd do as a parent with young children today.
• why i will never quit you, TV — How Emma of Your Fonder Heart came to terms with the fact that screen time is happening, and what balance looks like between real and virtual life for both her toddler AND herself.
• Technology Speaks — Janet at Our Little Acorn finds many uses for technology - including giving her child a voice.
• 5 Ways to Extend Children's Screen Time into Creative Learning Opportunities — Looking for a way to balance screen time with other fun learning experiences? Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares 5 fun ways to take your child's love of favorite shows or video games and turn them into creative educational activities.
• What parents can learn about technology from teachers — Douglas Blane at Friendly Encounters discusses how technology in schools enhances children's learning, and where to find out more.
• 5 Tips for a Peaceful Home — Megan of the Boho Mama and author at Natural Parents Network shares her favorite 5 tips for creating a peaceful home environment.
• Technology and Natural Learning — Kerry at City Kids Homeschooling writes about the importance of technology as a tool for natural, self-directed learning.
• Babies and Technology — Jana Falls shares how her family has coped, changed their use of, relied on, and stopped using various forms of technology since their little man arrived on the scene
• Kids and Technology — Rosemary at Rosmarinus Officinalis talks about the benefits of using technology with her preschooler, and includes a few of their favorite resources.
• Using Technology to Your Advantage: Helping Children Find Balance — At Living Peacefully with Children, Mandy discusses how technology can be used or abused and gives a few tips to help children learn balance.

Parties

Welcome to the July edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival - Celebrations cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month, we write about keeping things simple with our kids. Please check out the links to posts by our other participants at the end of this post.

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Picture the scene if you will, a very large room with a high ceiling, twenty or so excited children running around, the noise levels are high and in we, my eldest and I, walk to a birthday party for one of his friends the first he has attended.  To the children present this is their idea of heaven, to my eldest the epitome of hell.  It was a truly awful experience, the mother of the birthday boy could not comprehend that a child could attend a party and not want to join in the games.  We did not stay for very long.

I knew that he would not enjoy that party but he desperately wanted to go.  We had attended Christmas parties that the nursery he attended held, the first year he sat on my knee though the whole party, he was little and not yet walking.  The next year the noise and bustle actually made him shake with fear, we left soon after arriving.  Despite this when he received an invitation for the party I mentioned at the beginning he really wanted to go, the child had become a good friend and they played often at each others houses and at nursery.  It was really no good explaining to him what the party would be like, he was three nearly four at the time and he had no experience of birthday parties and could not remember the Christmas ones he had hated, my words of explanation meant nothing to him.  So we gave it a go.

We went to no parties for several years after that until he was six and a very good friend he had made invited him to his house for his birthday.  The first thing my eldest said to me was are there going to be games, even though he was very young he clearly remember the experience of the awful party.  I doubted it but did check for him, it was just going to be food and play nothing structured at all.  He loved it.  We have been to other parties since, some ok some not so, where there are games, noise or unfamiliar children he usually sits in another room on to one side often reading a book!  Luckily for us there is no longer any coercion to join in the games so he is totally accepted into the celebration whatever he chooses to do.

When he was coming up to his seventh birthday later he announced that he would like to have a few friends round to play on his birthday.  He was very sure about what he wanted for the day, no games, no singing happy birthday but he did want a cake so he could blow out the candles!   So at age seven he had two friends over for the afternoon they were the first children to celebrate his birthday with him.  He has told me that this is how he wishes to celebrate his birthday for now.  He is a winter baby so it is hard for us to go outside and celebrate as it is often wet and cold on the day.  I know that he would love to be outside in the woods or somewhere similar for the day perhaps when he is a little older we will do that but for now he is content with what we are doing.

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Thank you for visiting the Simply Living Blog Carnival cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. Read about how others are incorporating simple living and parenthood. We hope you will join us next month when we discuss Money Matters!

 

• Parties - sustainablemum explains how and why she keeps her birthday celebrations for her eldest a simple affair at his behest.
• Simple Birthday Celebrations - Birthdays are kept simple at Living Peacefully with Children. Mandy shares how her family celebrates birthdays without the stress and expense.
• Countdown to a Simple Christmas - Start now to prepare your house and home for the holidays. Steps to take each month to enjoy a much simpler approach to Christmas.
• Simply Celebrate - Jorje has tried celebrating kid birthdays BIG and small... which one do you think was more simple? less stressful?
• That's a Wrap - At Parentwin, Darlena describes her experiences with wrapping gifts and how she has changed her ideals when it comes to gift giving.
• Simple Celebrations - Laura at Authentic parenting shares how her family keeps celebrations simple.