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22 November 2022

The Spaces in Between





One of my favourite places to take a walk is in a wood.  A wood in summer, with the trees in full leaf can feel like there is hidden magic hidden round every corner, the sunlight shining in rays through the trees creating magical spots of light.  In the winter a wood feels more open but can still be dark as the daylight hours can often be cloudy and gloomy giving a wood an ethereal light.  The colours in the spring and autumn are always magnificent, the green haze in spring and the ever changing colour palette in autumn bringing a wood alive in more ways than one .  The spaces in a wood, the gaps between the trees are what makes a wood for me, it throws the light around giving it a special magic that changes with the seasons, a wood with trees close together is a dark foreboding place and not one I particularly like exploring.

My life has finally gone back to be being nearly as full and busy as it was pre-Covid, it has been a slow build up.  I loved the quiet that lockdowns bought me.  I enjoyed the stillness and slowing down.  I thought I could maintain that but it was not to be, I am my own worst enemy for taking on things that fill my time.  I don't, however; regret what I have taken on, the paid work, the volunteering it fills me up as much as it fills my time.  I thrive on having things to do, I don't long for a time when I have nothing to do, I prefer to direct my energies elsewhere.  What I have taken from the time of Covid is how very important time for stillness and rest are and however busy I might be I find time for this each and every day.  It does mean that some things, like writing posts on this blog get shelved for a while but that is how it has to be.  I am still writing it just takes me so much longer to get a post to the point of being able to post it, I am rather enjoying the mediative and slow process of taking time to write a post, dipping in and out as time allows.  I feel sure that it will improve my writing, time will tell.

When life is busier and there is more going on, there is so much more I could share and write about that ends up drifting by and remains in my memory without being recorded.  Life slips along wrapped up in food preparation, housework, planning, creating, spending time with friends, family, fund-raising, working and then every now and then I show up here to share snippets, the breadcrumbs that I have yet to sweep up and forget about.  It is so easy to paint a particular picture, the parts that we are comfortable sharing or the image that we want to create of ourselves online, we read about the lives of others through the lens of our own experiences which are often so different from the writers.  I am guilty of making it appear that my life is ticking along all rather wonderfully, it is like that most of the time but there are those moments when it all comes crashing down or those days when it feels like I am going backwards rather than forwards.  It is what we make of those times, those days when anything we do feels like pushing a car uphill, can we move on and put it behind us, or do we carry them around for days feeling them getting heavier and heavier, creating barriers that we can't see over.   

We had a significant day in our family this month, a rather special birthday.  We are now a three adult household, I am a parent to one adult and one child. Nothing changes but everything has.  I spent weeks putting together a memory book for his birthday, collating all the letters that I wrote to him on each of his previous seventeen birthdays some of which I published on here.  I have never been totally comfortable sharing details of my children, the names I have used for the past few years are not their real names, I debated for a long time about whether to share the letter I wrote for this eighteenth and decided on reflection not to, those details are not mine to share anymore.  As well as the letters I loved looking through eighteen years of photos looking for a selection to include in his book.  We bought our first digital camera a few weeks before he was born in November 2004, we decided at the time that as we were likely to take many more photos that we needed to make sure we organised those photos in folders on our computer.  It made looking for them so much easier, we still use cameras for almost all of our photography we only started using smart phones a couple of years ago and they are very much not the latest model with a fancy pants camera on them or a lot of storage.  My digital  SLR is usually my go to camera.

I managed to double book Alice for a weekend in February next year, this seemed utterly ridiculous given that it felt so far in advance, in reality it isn't really.  The end of the year always feels like a big landmark to me and the new year always feels so much further away than it really is, like I need the old year to be finished and done with before I can start thinking about the next one.  I always realise at about this time of year that that simply does not work and I need to get on and buy a diary.  I have tried keeping track of our goings on using electronic diaries but it does not work for me, I love the bigger picture that a paper diary gives me and have simply not found a way to replicate that satisfactorily using any electronic diary.  I keep a list of dates for the following year at the end of each diary but a list of dates is not a good way to keep track of plans, hence my double booking Alice and saying yes to something when she was already busy.  Thankfully it was easily resolved.  I spent a day filling my new diary with birthdays, festivals, lunar cycles, work meetings, and plans we have committed to, there is something rather satisfying about adding to those completely blank pages.  I don't keep a journal but my diaries are a wonderful record of what we have been doing, I often refer back to them and always keep the previous year's diary close to hand on my desk.

I started this year with an intention to walk every day that I could manage it, an intention that slipped a little as the year went on.  I have found myself circling back to that intention in the past weeks, it has quietly slipped back into my day.  It is dark at about 4.30pm here now, properly dark and I love going for a walk in the dark.  It is less stimulating and as a busy introvert that meets my needs, giving me a balance of calm and peace during a full day.  

I don't know when I will be back here again but please know I haven't gone for good I am just taking my time to bring the words and pictures together.  Thank you to all of you who drop by to visit and for all the lovely comments that you leave me, they are much appreciated.  Till next time..............

28 comments:

  1. What a lovely lovely post - and images too. I'm especially taken with the moss! Yes, life does seem to have reached pre-Covid levels of busy now and I too am contemplating a return to paper diaries. I miss the new year ritual of transferring all the birthdays into the next year. A google diary is Not The Same.

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    1. You are so right that a google diary is not the same, I remember trying to use it years ago when I was in paid work and just could not get on with it.

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  2. I always enjoy your thoughtful breadcrumbs and love the idea that you dip in and out of a post. I too enjoyed the calm that the lockdowns brought although hated the restrictions. Gosh another adult in the family you will enjoy that. I love that all mine are now adult although we are starting again with grandchildren. Life’s rich tapestry. Have a good week. B x

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  3. There is something very magical about a wood. At RHS Chatsworth one year, there was a glade of trees and it was really interesting that even in the middle off a busy floral show, people in the glade quietened down and were calm. 'Forest bathing' is certainly a thing in Japan and I understand it is starting to take hold here.
    I agree about paper diaries and journals. I use my blog as a journal of my life and it is lovely to be able to look back on it, but I am an avid diary and list writer. At work, I have a notebook which has all my to do lists in it.
    Life is all about balance isn't it? We can cope while the balance seems right but then if something tips it the wrong way, suddenly everything is much more of a challenge. I hope you find those moments of quiet and calm that you need.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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    1. I think that I have been forest bathing for years without calling it that. How wonderful that folks were really quiet in the glade in the woods, it does that to you, it doesn't feel right to make noise you can see where the basis of spirituality and religion came from before the days of the early buildings.

      How lovely to hear of another paper diary user, it is good to know that I am not alone!

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  4. A gorgeous post (and lovely pictures; the ones you post are always so calming!). Congrats to your son on such a milestone birthday, and how blessed he is to have a family with so many years of happy memories which you're helping to record for future reflection.
    I do almost no planning digitally. It might look a bit ridiculous to others - I have two different paper calendars and then a huge weekly planner, and write paper lists every single day - but it works for me. I enjoy the act of putting pen to paper, seeing it all laid out, manipulating things manually. Also, and I think this might be the reason I appreciate this format the most, it keeps me off screens for something. All of my working hours are spent on a computer, so it's such a nice break to do all my planning and scheduling off-screen.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words about my post, Elisabeth. I am loving that so many folks are also paper diary users. I love that you have found a system that works for you and it does not sound in any way ridiculous, just different. I hear you on things that keep you off screens, that is so important isn't it especially if all your work is on screens.

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  5. I think many people realised how different life could be during lockdowns and resolved to keep up new habits but a busy life sometimes gets in the way of good intentions and it takes a little effort to keep to plans. I think walking in the dark provides a new prospective, other senses are heightened to those used during daylight and it can make a nice change. Wishing Cameron a very happy birthday as you all enter a new chapter.

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    1. Thank you for the birthday wishes Jo. I would love to be a little less busy but I am finding space for the rest which was such a big takeaway from lockdowns for me. You are so right about walking in the dark heightening other senses, I think perhaps that is why I love it so much, it gives me a different perspective.

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  6. Happy birthday to your 18 yo!!! I feel the same with sharing about my adult kids and most especially my grandson. I would love to post photos of him but his story is not mine to tell - I do a lot of private journaling for my eyes only :)

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    1. I love that you do a lot of private journalling, how wonderful. Thank you for your birthday wishes and your feelings about sharing what your adult children are doing, it is good to know that others feel the same.

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  7. Lovely photos! I have to admit that I enjoyed the slow pace that the pandemic forced upon us. I'd rather be out in my woods or walking along the bay than be out in crowds anymore. I most likely will be living out the last of my days on the edges which is fine by me.

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    1. Thank you! I love that you live life on the edges, that it is a good place to be in my book!

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  8. I love the pictures! Makes me actually look forward to be back in the cold soon (we're going to visit our soon to be born grandson).
    Weird isn't it? I too thrive on being busy, but I also long for a slower, more peaceful life. Need to find a way to balance, I guess.

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    1. Thank you. I think that balance is the key in so many things Maggie, I hear you on wanting to be busy and slower all at the same time, that is part of the balance I think, having both in your life.

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  9. Your posts are always a pleasure to read. I think it is wise to be cautious about what we share online, especially when it comes to our loved ones.
    Belated Birthday wishes to your eldest. Xx

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    1. Thank you Jules. I am always amazed at what some folks share online particularly about members of their family, each to their own, I guess, it is not for me.

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  10. Your pictures are beautiful - how lucky you are to live in such a place! I totally agree with things being back to pre-pandemic level busy. Especially now during the holiday season, there are so many lunches and parties and gift exchanges. I miss the quiet December of the past few years. I also keep a paper agenda (two in fact, my personal one and the family calendar on the fridge) and I don't think I could ever switch over to completely electronic.

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    1. I do love where I live, the beauty is everywhere, I am very blessed. I try and keep December as quiet as possible, I think not having children in school helps a lot with that, I also say no a lot even though it would be lovely to do everything, it is just not possible. I am loving how many folks also use paper diaries.

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  11. Beautiful photos SM. I am craving a magical woodland walk today, and shall venture out after coffee. Happy birthday to your lad , now man. I hear what you're saying about time & blogging. My week is back to full-pelt, plus I'm now doing extra work hours. This leads to less frequent and heavily edited posts. I applaud you for keeping a paper diary. I hope you have a wonderful week xXx

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    1. Thank you Lulu, I hope your enjoyed your woodland walk. I quite like not blogging as much, I feel like I have completely let go of the pressure that I felt to post each and every week. There is so much I don't share that I could but we don't need to share everything do we.

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  12. I enjoy the carefully written and thoughtful posts you write, I find reading them calming. I know I am not very good at slowing down and visiting here is always a good reminder that even in a busy life, there can be moments of calm. Happy Birthday to your son, a milestone birthday! Enjoy the coming weeks, hopefully with not too much going on xx

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    1. Thank you Christina. I know how hard it can be to allow quiet into our lives, we are under a 'hidden' pressure to always be achieving and striving, to have something to show for what we have been utilising our time doing. I am slowly letting go of that, it has not been easy but I am getting there.

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  13. Hope your son had a wonderful birthday. And hope you are enjoying the colder snap we are having now. Your woodland photos are lovely. X

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    1. Thank you Shazza, it is definitely colder now, winter is on its way.....

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  14. As always such beautiful words and equally stunning photography. I hope C had a really lovely special day and enjoyed reading your birthday words and reflections from when he was small to the present day. I do hope that your daily walk brings much peace amidst the business of life xx

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  15. What a thoughtful, poetic post! I think you have a wonderful writing style. Happy 18th birthday to your son. Snowbird.xxx

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