Busy (Gently) Doing

It would seem that I haven't written one of these posts recently, not since early August, that feels like a lifetime away now.  The evenings are darkening here as we head to the halfway point between the Autumn Equinox and the Winter Solstice.  I am ready for this, the dark evenings always make me want to be still and restful, sitting on the sofa in front of the wood burner enjoying the warmth and cosiness that that brings.  

I didn't managed much of the rest and stillness on the sofa last week, I had four meetings on three evenings which was not great planning but as they were all meetings that I had to attend and others were organising I had little choice.  Two were for work which involved some pre-planning for me, the others I just had to turn up.  The week was completed by an assessment over a weekend, I thought I was going to be out for the whole weekend including an overnight, so when I discovered late in the week that it was going to one day, and not a particularly long day, Sunday at home felt like a much welcomed bonus.

Weekends have been really full with courses, weekends away, canoeing with Explorers and Alice on two Scout camps on back to back weekends.  We have something on every weekend up to Christmas, lots and lots of fundraising, two family birthdays and friends staying, all lovely things to be looking forward to.  I used to find it hard to manage with full weekends one after the other but our weeks are much slower now, so busy weekends feel possible.  A full week followed by a busy weekend can be too much week in week out.

I spent a lovely day out by myself after dropping Alice and a fellow Scout at a Jamboree training camp.  It came at the end of a full and difficult week.  It was a wonderful recharge and gave me the space to be able to reframe things that I have been trying to make sense of.  It was lovely to be able to move through the day at my pace without anyone else needing me to move on before I was ready.  It is a very long time since I have been able to do this.  I know that I am slowly moving into a very different passage of motherhood, my children are becoming steadily more independent and it is gives me more and more time to do things for myself.  It is strange, yet liberating.  I sometimes feel like a toddler as I take these tentative steps, wistfully looking back to those times when my children were by my side, yet also loving this new way of being.

Alice and I are still feeling into a rhythm which has not quite revealed itself yet.  It has needed to be a slow process for her to absorb changes that have hard for her.  She is loving her music lessons, her French lesson that she shares with Cameron, but is missing connections with a group of friends.  We had hoped that we could have a pause from changes for a year or two but another friend going to school this year has hit her hard, particularly as they offered no support to her as she made this transition, despite us checking in with them that school was going well for them.  The past weeks since schools started back here have been really hard for us both, last week has been the hardest.  I am hoping that we have now sown the seed of some possibilities, dipping a toe into some new things that will hopefully lead to the connection she is looking for.

We have created space for a day at home each week, one that we make a commitment to.  If we are not going away and needing to pack and prepare we are using the time for creativity.  Alice has been keen to make a rucksack for herself for months.  I naively thought that could just fit around whatever else we were doing, I have realised it needs a set time, so now it has.  She created a pattern, the fabric has been purchased and is slowly being cut into the shapes needed.  A slow process fitting around the ebb and flow of everyday life.

One of the things I have loved about moving from the summer to the Autumn is that my morning routine has a space again.  I wrote about the spontaneity of the Summer and how that looked for me this year.  I did enjoy it but those things that I like to do each morning often got sidelined, I am loving the way that they anchor my days for me.  I have a few things that I do each morning, not always in the same order, before Alice and I get the day going together.  It gives us both a space before coming together.  I have missed this over the summer and have loved finding this groove again,  which has a more comfortable feel to it this year as we begin our second year without Cameron.

In the midst of all the goings on round here I realised that Cameron's eighteenth is in a few weeks time.  I have long had plans to give him the words that I wrote to him on each of his birthdays, some of which I have published here, in a book along with photos.  Those readers who have older children may, like me, have years when their children simply did not want to be in any photos that you take, I have so few from the past few years.  I am glad I remembered to do this in enough time, I am just finalising the last few tweeks and hope it will be delivered in time, postal strikes permitting.

Before I go, I had a few requests from my last post for the Rhubarb and Orange Sauce that I mentioned so here is the recipe that I follow.  I tend to just throw everything in the pan without weighing it so I am sorry that this is a bit vague with the quantities, I find that all recipes are a matter of taste so if isn't to your liking the first time you make it, do adjust it to suit your particular tastes.  It is rather delicious.

Rhubarb and Orange Sauce

Approx 2lbs Rhubarb chopped into smallish pieces

Juice and zest from 1-2 oranges

1 tablespoon honey

Optional 1 - 2 teaspoons ground ginger

Put all of the above in a pan, the amount of orange juice to add depends on how juicy your rhubarb is.  If you live in a very dry climate you might need to add more juice.  I don't always remember to add the ginger it tastes just as good without it.  Bring to the boil and then simmer for approx 30-40 minutes until the rhubarb is no longer recognisable as pieces and the sauce is fairly thick, it will thicken more as it cools.  I put this into jars, allow to cool and then freeze them until I want to use them.  This will not keep unless refrigerated due to the low sugar content. If you prefer things sweeter then add up to 400g of Caster Sugar for this quantity of Rhubarb.