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01 June 2022

Thirteen

Last week we had a birthday here in this house, Alice is now a teenager.  I am now a parent to two teenagers.  I know some dread the thought of that or hated that time as it was really hard for them.   I am loving this age, it has been the best of all the years of being a parent for me, so far.  Teenagers are great company, at least mine are.

Each year I write a letter to my children for their birthday these words are for you Alice.

At end of your thirteenth time round the sun it has been yet another year of change, your third in a row.  I had real hope that this might finally be the end of changes, until we had some news this week that more changes are still to come.

I know that you have found those changes hard, especially your big brother going off to college.  He had been at home with you full time all your life, it was all you ever knew.  We took it slow, you and I, feeling our way to finding our feet.  I feel like we have found our way now and I hope that you do too.  I feel sure that you would tell me if things were not right for you.  

At the same time as your brother starting college, several of your friends started school.  It meant the end of a group that has been part of your life for years, this is the second time this has happened to you and I know that you found this really challenging.  Although there was hope that we would continue to meet up with them that has not been the reality.  You knew that would be the case and it has made the transition really hard.  There were times when you were really lonely and did not know where you fitted into things. I hope that has changed for you now as we have made new connections.

In the past few weeks you have now found out that another friend is starting school, this is another connection that may be lost for you too.  There is hope that this one will stay with you, only time will tell if that is the case.

The hardest change for you has been your best friend moving to Ireland to live.  You have known this was a possibility for a while now, but it was hard for you to know how that would feel until it became a reality.  You are so busy with Jamboree fundraising and training that you know it will not be possible to travel to visit before that has taken place.  That is so hard for you.  You have been connecting online, messaging each other and chatting for hours and playing Minecraft together, you treasure those moments.  It is not the same but you are making the most of this time, the hours you spent chatting and playing online on your actual birthday was so special for you.

Talking of the Jamboree, wow!  When I first told you about it you replied without hesitation I want to apply for a place.  I was really surprised that you would want to go but was totally behind you applying.  It was a bumpy road for you to get a place with a selection day cancelled due to a storm and then you got a positive COVID test the week of the rescheduled date.  You seemed calm whilst waiting to hear the outcome but I will never forget you face when I told you you had earned a place.  You cried with joy worrying your best friend who you were online with at the time.  I am so immensely proud of you, for putting yourself forward, for all that you had to do to earn yourself a place and how hard you are working towards the fundraising that we need to do.  The skills you are learning will stay with you for life.

You love everything you have done in the Scouting movement, you have been desperate to join since you were three and your big brother started in Beavers.  That day could not come soon enough for you, the nearly two years you missed through the lockdowns and our village group not doing anything online or restarting meant that you were really keen to join a group somewhere else.  You so often asked me to find an alternative group for you and are so happy in the new one.  You have been on so many great adventures with them already including a weekend of caving, a new, to you, activity.

You continue to love to be outdoors and now that you are taller and stronger we did two wild camping walking expeditions last summer.  You carried all your own kit and your share of the tent, we wild swam in many tarns, you love for wild swimming has gone from strength to strength, I am in awe of your ability to do so without a wetsuit in really cold water.  You really do not seem to feel the cold.

Our slow journey into finding a new routine for you has led to you trying lots of new things.  You have been hesitant and unsure at first but you have found a way through that and now love the things you do.  You started at a music group where you are now learning to play the guitar.  Your regular gymnastics class changed for you as you moved up to an older group, you found this transition really hard as no-one in the class would talk to you.  They had their own friends already.  We talked and talked about this, why they were doing it and whether you wanted to carry on, your love for gymnastics was stronger and you have now made friends with some other new girls to the group, supporting them as they too make the transition.  You come home smiling now, one of those new friends even bought you a birthday present which you were so grateful for.  You have also started a second gymnastics class specifically for home educated children which you absolutely love.  You have made new connections through that class and are hoping you can see them more when we start a John Muir award with them and others soon.

You absolutely loved the holiday we had with extended family, spending time with your grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts is so important to you.  You are really looking forward to doing that again next year.

It has been a year of change for you both outside and within you too.  In the past you have had birthday parties with several friends, this year you wanted a quiet day at home spending time online with your dearest friends.  I took you ice skating the day after followed by a picnic in the park, we met friends for this and you had a lovely day.

You still have an inner confidence that is not an over confidence.  You are kind and thoughtful around your friends.  You are slowly getting to grips with the emotional changes that you feel overwhelm you at times, you find those times overpowering and confusing, this will not last forever, I am confident that you will find a way to be at peace with them.  In a year of big changes you have found resilience and acceptance, such important but hard skills to have.  Your willingness to listen and accept that how others behave around you is not always a direct response to how you are but, as much things that are going on for them, has been important for you to hear, as you have navigated through those changes.  

You are compassionate and kind to others, most especially those that are dear to you.  You have a loving heart and are wonderful company.

Happy Birthday my love, I am proud to be your mum.  

20 comments:

  1. What a beautiful letter. I'm sure your daughter will treasure that as the years pass by.
    My children are now all in the middle-aged category and I wonder where the years went as it doesn't seem that long ago that they were only teenagers :)

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    1. Thank you so much, it gives me such pleasure to write these letters. I am planning on giving them to my children when they turn 18.

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  2. Gosh! Where does the time go. Happy Birthday, Alice! You have achieved so many wonderful things and I have no doubt you will continue to do so. Xx

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    1. Indeed where does the time go! Thank you so much for your lovely kind words.

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  3. What a lovely letter and yes, the teenage years are brilliant ones aren't they. I hope your daughter has a lovely day. My youngest will be 14 this week. He and his friends are suddenly shooting up and looking a lot more grown up. CJ xx

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    1. Thank you so much CJ. I am so glad to hear that you love the teenage years too. Wow your youngest is 14! Happy Birthday to him too.

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  4. Alice sounds a lovely person. I hope she has a good year.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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    1. Thank you so much Ellie, that is so kind of you.

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  5. Wishing your lovely daughter a very happy birthday. It sounds like she's risen to the challenge of accepting, and working through, change, a difficult process at the best of times. Yes, teenage years can be fraught with raging hormones but it sounds like we had similar experiences with our children because I found it a wonderful age and I loved their company too.

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    1. Thank you Jo. I love that you enjoyed the teenage years too, they get such a bad rap that it always makes me happy when I hear them being praised.

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  6. What a lovely letter to your daughter! Happy 13, Alice. :-) I found my kids' teen years to be (mostly) wonderful, although there were certainly challenges in that growing-up time. I imagine Alice will continue rising to her challenges, and you will be there to guide her every step of the way. It is so hard to be a teen. Never doubt yourself, Alice! XO

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It is so hard to be a teen you are so right, Kym. I am glad that you mostly enjoyed the teen years too.

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  7. Happy birthday! I cannot believe she is thirteen! Time flies so quickly and I am sure you feel the same way.

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    1. Yes is it is unbelievable isn't it. She was only three when I started blogging! Time has indeed flown x

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  8. I love the letters you write to your children. They sound such lovely people. Happy Birthday 13 year old :) B x

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    1. Thank you so much, that is so kind of you. I love writing them.

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  9. I love that you write letters to your children on their birthday; what a wonderful gift that will keep on giving (you know how I feel about letters - big fan!).
    We're not to teenage years yet (only 11), but I do think I find it easier for parenting; as my kids age we can just do so many more things in tandem and I really like that. The baby/toddler stage does not come naturally to me as a parent. There are different challenges as they get older but, overall, I really love spending time with my kids in a whole different way as they age!
    Happy Birthday to your daughter!

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    1. Thank you Elisabeth. My children don't know I have written these letters, I am planning on gifting them on their 18th birthdays although as my son is 18 this year I may leave it until they are 21 as I am not sure I can get them into a book form before then! I want to include photos too.

      I so hear you on the baby/toddler stage I did not find that time easy either, particularly the baby stage. I have loved parenting from about age five or six until now but am really loving these years and am cherishing this time with my children knowing that it will not last long.

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  10. What a lovely tradition, writing a letter to your children on their birthdays, something I'm sure they will treasure all their lives. A beautiful letter too, your children are so lucky to have you. Happy birthday Alice. Snowbird.xxx

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    1. Thank you Snowbird. I started when they were little as I saw it on another blog and thought it was a lovely idea. My children don't know that I have written these so they will be a surprise gift for them when they are older. I am thinking that I might gift them when they are 21, I was thinking 18 originally but as my son is 18 at the end of this year I am not sure I can manage it by then as I want to make a book of them with photos. I might need a little more time to for that!

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