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25 May 2022

Lessons from a Blackbird

When I open my curtains of a morning I love to spend a few moments soaking up the view and trying to work out from the sky what the weather might do that day.  One recent morning, whilst soaking up the view, a juvenile blackbird landed on the wire outside my window.  It was wobbling all over the place but rather than flying off it stayed there wobbling back and forth until it eventually found stillness.  I found myself silently shouting encouragement and then jubilation when it achieved it.  I was rooting for that bird, I admired its tenacity and its focus.  

It felt like a good start to the day.  

My life has got very busy again in the past few months, I loved the quiet and stillness that lockdowns gave me.  I vowed that I would try and keep that stillness in my life even when more things were possible again.  These past few weeks I have not managed that very well, my resting time has been slowly swallowed up by busyness.  The attrition of this has been difficult for me.  I value rest now in ways that I haven't before.

When I am busy, things usually go one of two ways for me.  I become paralysed by all that I need to do and don't end up doing very much at all or I become really focused on getting things done so that my rest time can have some space too.  Often the former also means that I end up telling myself that I don't have the time anyway as, in my head everything takes longer than in reality it actually takes.  

So often in the past few weeks I have had to do something because it has got to the point that it is the most urgent of all the urgent things that need doing.  I am telling myself I won't have the time but I have to find a way to make it work as it needs to be done now, it cannot wait.  Then surprise, surprise it doesn't take that long.  I have built it up to something unachievable and that has got in the way of me being able to get started and that becomes my focus rather than what I need to be doing.  

I am getting better at this, slowly, it is a work in progress. Over time I noticed that there were times when I found this easier, realising that, I then noticed that there was a pattern, for me this is in tune with the lunar cycles.  A busy life around the time of the full moon is much much harder for me than around the new moon.  

I am working on trying to be aware of this and attempting to keep my life quieter around the time of full moon.

What we focus on is not always a choice we can make, especially if we are mothers and our children are young.  It is one the hardest parts of early motherhood the loss of that autonomy, others always come first. As our children get older it is all too easy to stay in that rut and forget that you can have some of that autonomy back.  I know that it took me a while to realise that for myself.  My children are older now, they can and do wait for me to be there to support them in ways that they need.  It has been hard for me to ask them to do that but I don't think it is helpful for them or for me to always be at their beck and call, unless it is an emergency.  

The things I need to do are important too, I need to keep reminding myself that they should be a priority too.

When things get difficult or tough going it often feels like the easiest option is to give up and walk away, or to ignore things in the vain hope that they will go away.  There are occasions when things do resolve themselves in that way but it is rare so usually the time needs to be found to get things done.  I am under no illusion that one day my life will be a bed of roses, easy and carefree without a worry in sight.  I am not sure that I would want my life to be like that all the time.  I don't buy into the idea that we should look for the positive in everything to deal with negative thoughts and feelings, the things that are hard.  I am not convinced that is terribly healthy or helpful.  There are things in life that are hard.  Dealing with things that are hard, helps us to build resilience and gives us the skills to deal with similar things when we come across them again.

Reflecting on those hard things is as important as dealing with them.  A pause afterwards to regroup and recharge ourselves so that we are ready to deal with the next thing.  Perhaps you are thinking that would be lovely but my life is too full for that, I am running after the bus that I cannot quite catch all the time. Are you really allowing time for a pause, to recharge you, what are filling those spaces, can those things wait?  

Unpacking the clutter in our heads is hard.

When I watched that young blackbird at the start of my day, it was a busy one full of things that needed to be done urgently.  Every time it felt like it was all too much the bird came into my mind swinging back and forth on that line trying to find the stillness, not giving up when it was hard to find that.  

That is what we are looking for too isn't it, those moments of stillness that are there for us in between the times of focus.  In the busyness we can loose them, not pausing because that can be hard too.

25 comments:

  1. A thought-filled and thoughtful post. I have found the same thing--too busy once again, and I miss the freedom of those early lockdown days. I am trying to find my way back to it, but it's not easy in garden season, although the garden itself is a place that calms the mind even while pouring sweat.

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    1. Thank you, it is good to find those things that are calming amongst the busyness isn't it.

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  2. What a lovely post. I am guilty of not making time for things and being too busy for some of the things I want to achieve. A moment of stillness really improves focus I think and helps me be more productive in the rest of the time.

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    1. Thank you. It is all to easy to fall down the being too busy hole isn't it. I am guilty of forgetting or not considering how long things take and thinking I can do/achieve far more than I have the time for.

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  3. It seems life is busy no matter what and there is not enough time in the day to do all that we want to do. I remember the extreme lockdown times and how I read so many books! and knitted! and cooked! But once life started to resume back to normal time was more elusive. I think you always balance your time and just think you are still full time parenting - time well spent :)

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    1. That is so true Karen. There are so many things I probably should be doing a lot of the time but I do have I say I ignore them a lot of the time. My housework often gets neglected but as this doesn't harm anyone particularly I figure that is ok!

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  4. A very thought provoking and important post. Moments of stillness and calm are so important and as you say, can easily be lost.
    I hope you find some calm and stillness in your days.
    Best wishes
    Ellie

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  5. This is so interesting; I notice lots of issues with my sleep around lunar cycles, but I hadn't ever considered the impact on other things (like my energy levels or ability to handle a busy schedule). I really should start paying better attention to this!

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    1. I am so glad that you found this interesting Elisabeth, that is always my intention so I am always happy when I achieve that :)

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  6. Oh I love this post so much. Many things you have written resonate with me. Once you have children I agree you are last in the pecking order. Love the blackbird analogy. B x

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    1. Thank you so much B. I am so glad that my words have been nourishing for you, that makes me very happy.

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  7. When life gets seemingly overwhelming, I like to think of a 'snow day'. Much like in lockdown when we unable to go about our business as usual. There is no other choice than to put the brakes on and appreciate the stillness that is enforced. X

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    1. Oh I love this. A snow day is a perfect description, I am so going to borrow that. We all need to have snow days whatever the season, I love how you have described that kind of day too, putting the brakes on and appreciating the stillness, perfect, thank you.

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  8. Bravo to the blackbird! I recently took a brief pause by the sea so I could press pause on a crazy schedule. Those pauses are so important: a reboot to an overheated computer, a stream in parched land. We need them before we can set off running again.

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    1. Your pause by the sea sounds heavenly. I am sorry to hear that you are having a crazy schedule, I hope you can find a way to pause that too and make it less crazy.

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  9. I used to find space for myself in Nature - going for a walk, gardening, sitting and listening to the birds sing, watching a sunset. Now I am only responsible for myself, I still do those things. They are very precious to me in my life. Well done, Little Blackbird, to show us how it is done :)

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    1. Hello and welcome, thank you for dropping by and commenting :). Space in nature is so important to me too, those precious spaces and pauses that keep me going in the busy times.

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  10. We can learn a lot from nature. I agree, it's so easy to put ourselves to the back of the queue when there's a family depending on us but I think it's important to take time for ourselves occasionally. It's a case of making the time to do it, even when it seems impossible.

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    1. I have to remind myself to make the time for myself, it is hard though I so agree Jo, although it has got a little easier as the children have gotten older.

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  11. What a lovely lesson from the blackbird. Oh yes, we sure do need to pause, breathe and just be still when life gets crazy busy. A wonderful post, full of insight as always. Snowbird.xxx

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    1. Thank you so much Snowbird. It makes me very happy when people like my words.

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  12. Fab post. I have never really fully considered the impact the lunar cycle has on me. But I have been aware that for some time it does effect my sleep. My Mum used to say that a full moon made my Dad grumpy.

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    1. Hello and welcome, thank you for dropping by and leaving a comment it is much appreciated. I suspect the lunar cycle effects us all in our own way, it is just taking the time to work out how ;)

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