Thirteen

Last week we had a birthday here in this house, Alice is now a teenager.  I am now a parent to two teenagers.  I know some dread the thought of that or hated that time as it was really hard for them.   I am loving this age, it has been the best of all the years of being a parent for me, so far.  Teenagers are great company, at least mine are.

Each year I write a letter to my children for their birthday these words are for you Alice.

At end of your thirteenth time round the sun it has been yet another year of change, your third in a row.  I had real hope that this might finally be the end of changes, until we had some news this week that more changes are still to come.

I know that you have found those changes hard, especially your big brother going off to college.  He had been at home with you full time all your life, it was all you ever knew.  We took it slow, you and I, feeling our way to finding our feet.  I feel like we have found our way now and I hope that you do too.  I feel sure that you would tell me if things were not right for you.  

At the same time as your brother starting college, several of your friends started school.  It meant the end of a group that has been part of your life for years, this is the second time this has happened to you and I know that you found this really challenging.  Although there was hope that we would continue to meet up with them that has not been the reality.  You knew that would be the case and it has made the transition really hard.  There were times when you were really lonely and did not know where you fitted into things. I hope that has changed for you now as we have made new connections.

In the past few weeks you have now found out that another friend is starting school, this is another connection that may be lost for you too.  There is hope that this one will stay with you, only time will tell if that is the case.

The hardest change for you has been your best friend moving to Ireland to live.  You have known this was a possibility for a while now, but it was hard for you to know how that would feel until it became a reality.  You are so busy with Jamboree fundraising and training that you know it will not be possible to travel to visit before that has taken place.  That is so hard for you.  You have been connecting online, messaging each other and chatting for hours and playing Minecraft together, you treasure those moments.  It is not the same but you are making the most of this time, the hours you spent chatting and playing online on your actual birthday was so special for you.

Talking of the Jamboree, wow!  When I first told you about it you replied without hesitation I want to apply for a place.  I was really surprised that you would want to go but was totally behind you applying.  It was a bumpy road for you to get a place with a selection day cancelled due to a storm and then you got a positive COVID test the week of the rescheduled date.  You seemed calm whilst waiting to hear the outcome but I will never forget you face when I told you you had earned a place.  You cried with joy worrying your best friend who you were online with at the time.  I am so immensely proud of you, for putting yourself forward, for all that you had to do to earn yourself a place and how hard you are working towards the fundraising that we need to do.  The skills you are learning will stay with you for life.

You love everything you have done in the Scouting movement, you have been desperate to join since you were three and your big brother started in Beavers.  That day could not come soon enough for you, the nearly two years you missed through the lockdowns and our village group not doing anything online or restarting meant that you were really keen to join a group somewhere else.  You so often asked me to find an alternative group for you and are so happy in the new one.  You have been on so many great adventures with them already including a weekend of caving, a new, to you, activity.

You continue to love to be outdoors and now that you are taller and stronger we did two wild camping walking expeditions last summer.  You carried all your own kit and your share of the tent, we wild swam in many tarns, you love for wild swimming has gone from strength to strength, I am in awe of your ability to do so without a wetsuit in really cold water.  You really do not seem to feel the cold.

Our slow journey into finding a new routine for you has led to you trying lots of new things.  You have been hesitant and unsure at first but you have found a way through that and now love the things you do.  You started at a music group where you are now learning to play the guitar.  Your regular gymnastics class changed for you as you moved up to an older group, you found this transition really hard as no-one in the class would talk to you.  They had their own friends already.  We talked and talked about this, why they were doing it and whether you wanted to carry on, your love for gymnastics was stronger and you have now made friends with some other new girls to the group, supporting them as they too make the transition.  You come home smiling now, one of those new friends even bought you a birthday present which you were so grateful for.  You have also started a second gymnastics class specifically for home educated children which you absolutely love.  You have made new connections through that class and are hoping you can see them more when we start a John Muir award with them and others soon.

You absolutely loved the holiday we had with extended family, spending time with your grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunts is so important to you.  You are really looking forward to doing that again next year.

It has been a year of change for you both outside and within you too.  In the past you have had birthday parties with several friends, this year you wanted a quiet day at home spending time online with your dearest friends.  I took you ice skating the day after followed by a picnic in the park, we met friends for this and you had a lovely day.

You still have an inner confidence that is not an over confidence.  You are kind and thoughtful around your friends.  You are slowly getting to grips with the emotional changes that you feel overwhelm you at times, you find those times overpowering and confusing, this will not last forever, I am confident that you will find a way to be at peace with them.  In a year of big changes you have found resilience and acceptance, such important but hard skills to have.  Your willingness to listen and accept that how others behave around you is not always a direct response to how you are but, as much things that are going on for them, has been important for you to hear, as you have navigated through those changes.  

You are compassionate and kind to others, most especially those that are dear to you.  You have a loving heart and are wonderful company.

Happy Birthday my love, I am proud to be your mum.