The benefits of pausing

The sun is setting on the day, as I gaze out of the window, the shadows are spreading across the fields.  As I gaze, I am seated at my dining room table listening to the family's conversation wafting around me and pondering the past seven days which have felt more like seven weeks with the amount of things they have been filled with.  I cannot remember what I was doing seven days ago it has been the fullest of weeks.

Full weeks often mean no blog posts and less visiting to your online spaces by me.  I think I am caught up with you all now, I know that I don't really need to apologise for my tardiness, I hadn't disappeared again just pressing pause whilst life took my focus elsewhere.

I had one of these weeks when several big things were close together, filling my head with their needs.  Everything got done as it needed to, I had made space in between, a breathing space, a lesson that I have learnt the hard way.  It is so easy to keep saying yes to doing things without thinking about the time we need to make things happen, I no longer have to remind myself that I need that.  The pauses give me time to recharge before moving onto the next thing.

The sunshine has been wonderful this week, spring is most definitely coming to these parts.  The green haze is visible in some places, not from my windows just yet but it is very close.  I had a wonderful day in some local woods whilst my children were busy doing things with friends, fuel prices being what they currently are I made the decision to stay out for the day rather than driving home between drop off and pick ups and was so glad that I did.  The peace and quiet, the trees and the signs of spring were just what I needed for a recharge.  A space between two big things taking up so much head space, I was able to forget all that and focus on my surroundings and taking photos of the signs of spring.

Meal planning has been very dis-ordered and somewhat neglected this week, so I was glad when my husband suggested a fish and chip supper at the end of a busy day, being able to pre-order online before hand meant that we could pick it up on our way home.  It was good not to have to think about cooking on top of everything else my head was filled with on that day.  

I was exhausted that evening and upset by a thoughtless and unkind message left by someone on a WhatsApp group I created to organise an event that day.  My reaction was that I wanted to respond, to defend myself from being made to look foolish and stupid,  but my head was too mushy and tired to know what to say, I also wanted to be sure that I was not upset because I was tired, so I left it.  I left it the next day too, I was still very tired but my reaction to the message was shifting, changing.  There was a little voice somewhere in me telling me to leave it but I didn't know why or what the voice was trying to tell me.  I am always amazed by our intuition and how it is sometimes all to easy to silence it, dismiss it especially when we don't understand what it is trying to tell us.  My pause allowed me to see that it was not me that was the foolish one, but the person who had left the message.  I have ignored it and moved on, my dignity in tact by not reacting and actually making myself look foolish.

I am now fully rested.  Recharged by a much needed two day pause of pottering at home.  In reality I have probably done as much in the last two days by pottering at home as I have on others days this past week, but as they were days that had no schedule, no deadlines, my head could rest.  It didn't matter if things didn't get done, not that that ever should matter as we can only do what we can do as long as no one is going to get hurt or injured by us not doing things, it has to be ok that we are doing our best.  

I am now ready for the rest of the week.