Experiments and Suprises

I am sure I have had tongues wagging recently in my village.  I realise it is rather conceited of me to believe that people have been talking about me behind closed doors but I am good at giving them ammunition.  I am the quirky woman who does things rather differently which will always set me apart from the long term inhabitants of the village where being different is not the norm.  We are feeling our way through the maze, not entirely successfully, of children being more independent which I am all for, but I couldn't be making a bigger bosh of if I tried.  I managed to lose a child between my house and the village hall, a walk in a straight line along the same road, turning up at a meeting, late, interrupting it because I couldn't see Cameron and then walking back out again.  You see, great fodder!  So as I stumble around not doing a very good job of it, I realise I need to take a leaf from my mothers' book, arrange a return time and ring me if you are going to be late.  We always had a pocket full of 10p's which probably wouldn't get you far these days, even if you could find a working phone box.  But first things first a watch with a battery that makes the time right, one step at a time eh?

I have joined Facebook.  I haven't joined in the party just crept in the back door and am watching slightly bewildered from the kitchen.  My local home ed groups use it, a lot, I was missing out on stuff going on relying on friends texting me which wasn't really fair on them or to be honest terribly reliable.  I may make it my mission to be the person who has been a member the longest and has no friends.

Talking of kitchens my benign neglect in my own has led to some interesting suprises recently.  I have started making my own yogurt again, I have found a way to make it just how I want it, bits of lots of recipes.  I have come to realise that some recipes are a bit like fairy tales once they are written down they become static and sometimes redundant as they only really work for the author. Take sourdough starters, something else I have been dabbling with, the state of your starter can depend on so many variables that become more intuitive over time, it would be better to talk to your neighbour about it than someone blogging thousands of miles away, but when you don't have a sourdough baking neighbour the blog will have to do.  The recipe is then a starting point rather than an end in itself, seeing it like this takes you on a much more productive and enjoyable journey.

Today is the day that we didn't meet the deadline to apply for a place at secondary school for Cameron.  I have been mulling this over for some time now, as regular readers here will know.   I had thought I had made my decision but a chance conversation with someone at orchestra got me thinking again.  As the head of a very small localish secondary school I can't say I wasn't, initially, tempted by what she had to say about her school.  But aside from the practicalities of having to drive him there and back everyday it is the curriculum that I have issues with and that won't change with the size of the school.  So for now we are committing to the home, it doesn't feel any different for now and probably won't for a while, when his peers make that big step I know that it will mark another different step in our journey.  Six years ago this day felt like a long way off, now it is has come and gone and life continues, rolling slowly onwards.

Autumn is a good time of year for foraging, if you are a dab hand at it all year round is good but I am not so tend to do more at this time of year.  We picked rosehips way before the first frost, which is supposed to improve the flavour, and made syrup with them, well strictly I didn't because it didn't have any sugar in it.  I used it on my breakfast it was a little tart but the fresh fruit helped that.  A few days after it ran out I started to feel the beginnings of a cold, a garlic syrup was recommended to me.  The four days it takes to brew were full of aching fever that wrapped me up completely in its grip, the first day after my first dose I was so glad to be free of it.  The recipe calls for a lot of garlic so I was glad to be able to use my own, once the cloves have steeped they can be frozen and used in cooking, a ready supply of peeled garlic.  Now I am feeling a little better I will be on the look out for more rosehips...........

Something to start the week.....

In my head, I was planning to write a post about my weekend but it wasn't the most exciting stuff a lot of resting, recuperating, drinking tea and cosying up by the fire, all good but not terribly interesting.  So instead I bring you a random ten* things about me.........


1. I was once sold for five camels, luckily for me it was just a jolly jape by the guys I was travelling round Morrocco with.

2.  I moved house 24 times between leaving my childhood home and the house I live in now, where I have lived for nearly thirteen years, filling in forms that ask you to give your addresses for the past three years took forever.

3. I can write legibly with both hands but favour my right for writing and my left for almost everything else.

4. I was engaged to be married when I was 21, the groom got cold feet six weeks before the wedding.

5. I haven't eaten meat for 24 years. I don't like it.

6. I have been collecting snippets of family history, a great grandfather was a Commodore in the Atlantic in WWII, Robert Browning is a distant relative his aunt was my great great great great grandmother, one of my grandparents had 100 cousins, my great aunt travelled to school by tram a fellow passenger was Denis Healey also travelling to school, I really ought to start writing them all down.....

7.  One of my favourite films is Gosford Park.

8. I am an organised and tidy person but I don't like housework, I don't find it a chore just would rather be doing something else and most often am.

9. I have owned a TV for only six months of my life in a house that had no reception, I have spent about a year in total living in a house with a TV.

10. I wear glasses have done so since I was thirteen except now they are varifocals.  I have never needed to wear them all the time, apart from driving legally, but now I find I really should but am always putting them down in random places.....

***************

*inspired by Annie

Memories in a Box

I recently celebrated a birthday.  I am now the age my mother was when I left home to go to uni, never returning there to live.  I came to motherhood later and I am still a few years off my children leaving home, but it made me realised that I can remember my mother at my age - clearly.

I read somewhere recently that our memories can be shaped and changed over time.  When a friend of mine mentioned that during the adoption process her sister and husband were going through they were asked questions about their own childhoods, the husband couldn't remember much and because his parents were no longer alive to ask it caused problems, it got me thinking.  What would I answer if asked the same?  Of course I have memories but sometimes it can be hard to differentiate between our own memories, those of our parents, siblings etc and photos.  My overall memory is that I had a good childhood but would I have said the same twenty years ago?  But what is amazing about memories is that they can sparked by anything, a particular smell, a piece of music or an object.

I have a small wooden box in my bedroom.  It sits on a shelf I walk past to get to my side of the room.  I can't remember how it came to be mine but I have had it in my life for twenty years at least, it has followed me on many house moves always placed somewhere I will notice it.  

Underneath is a small winding handle and a lever, inside.....

...a mechanism, sadly no longer working, that used to play a little tune.  You can see it is missing one of the teeth on the comb and the gears are worn so the music it does play is rather jumpy especially with a missing comb too.  I could replace it but it doesn't matter to me that it no longer works, it was lovingly made by my grandfather, to change it would no longer make it his, a 'grandfather's axe'.

My grandfather was a quiet, calm, man, I don't ever remember him ever being in a hurry, certainly not intentionally, the total opposite to my father.  He had a mischievous side, he once put a microphone in his kitchen where my granny, siblings and I were making scones together, the recording is sadly long lost but we did have fun listening to it.  He loved to be surrounded by his family which I am sure stemmed from his own upbringing.  He grew up in a small house in North London with his grandmother, his parents, his four siblings and a cousin who spent most of her childhood with them.  They moved to the house to create a bit more room as they had previously been living in flat above the family music shop and piano workshop.  A friend of mine recently owned a house that backed onto that shop the frontage of which was still recognisable from a photo take nearly a hundred years before.  He had four children of his own and ten grandchildren at the time of his death, if he was alive to today he would be 98 with four children, nineteen grandchildren, and fifteen great grandchildren.  We are a family divided by continents and divorce, I am sure he would have been the glue that kept us together better than we manage to do.

But the memory that is the strongest in adulthood, was his practical side.  He turned his hand to so many things, gardening, winemaking, woodwork.  He was an accomplish artist, I have four of his paintings hanging in my house, one is the first photo in this post.  It hangs in my bedroom on the wall above the shelf with the box, it is often the first thing I see on waking.  I cannot remember him ever having made anything in front of me but he along with my granny were showing me what was possible.

He worked all his life for the Post Office in what we now know as BT (the phone bit for overseas readers).  I often wonder what he would have made of the changes in communications if he was alive today.  We are not entirely sure what he did during WWII, in a reserved occupation he did not see active service.  My mother visited Bletchley Park museum and was amazed at how many faces she recognised in the photos.  In the 50s he was posted to Vienna, he took his young family with him who thought he was helping local engineers, after his death we discovered he was part of a spying mission, during a time of the cold war it was the Russians who were being listened to.

My actual memories of him are merging with each other, becoming hazy, worn out by time but there is a presence.  There is one particularly powerful memory which hasn't faded over time, from just after he died.  We visited my Granny at their house, many other family members had already arrived and the garden was full of people, my young cousins running around and in the middle of all this sat in a chair with her eyes closed, very still was my Granny.  Apparently I sat with her for hours, I don't remember that bit, but what I do remember is the effect that had and still has on me.  A part of her died then too, she was never the same again.  The bond they had was so strong, it showed me what it was possible to have.

A broken music box and four paintings are a connection to a small part of my past and those of their creator.  I know that the music box is unlikely to be kept after I die, nor would I expect it to be, it holds significance to me and me only.  I do hope the paintings will be kept, I have written the start of a family tree in pencil on the back of them to give them some meaning and connection in the future.

*****************

I was inspired to write this after reading this post about items we have in our homes and how they make them unique, for me in particular it was the noticing and appreciating objects in my home and the memories they hold.  Do you have any?

Gratitudes

Joining in with Taryn for her heartfelt Sunday tradition.

A time to slow down, to reflect, to be grateful.

This week I have been grateful for...

...an afternoon of knitting and drinking tea with friends

...being able to watch my daughter deep in imaginary play - creating a pancake cafe with the back of a chair, a fire tool, a glue stick, a play pig sty, a glass jar and some homemade paper.

...foraging - it was blackberries this week

...my wonderful community for finding Cameron when he was lost and looking after him until they found me.

...blue skies

...my nearest town which is full of small local shops

...nature in all its beauty

...washing dried outside

...wild yeasts to make bread

...a safe place to call home

Six

We have celebrated two birthdays in our house this month, neither of them Alice's.  In fact she is is the only person in our house whose birthday is not in the Autumn, something she found really hard when she was younger.  I was on a little blogging holiday when we celebrated her birthday, but as this lovely blogger commented recently 'Who do I blog for?  And at the end, I blog for me......to keep a record of my time with my children', so although a few months has passed this is my record.

Alice's birthday will sometimes fall on a public holiday in the UK, so every few years she will have Daddy at home for the day and this year was even better, it was a public holiday and Daddy took a few days off work afterwards too.  This was so that we could meet her request for the party she wanted, camping with her family.  We took ourselves off to a lovely small campsite an hour down the road where we enjoyed wonderful weather, beautiful scenery, long walks and each other.

Six.  Those years have gone by fast.  As you enter your seventh year round the sun you continue to be my guide still holding my hand to show me the way.  You have moved slowly away from me this year, tentatively at first, spending time with your best friend, the best place for you to go off on your own.  It has paved the way for you to start Beaver Scouts which you have wanted to join since you were four, it has been a long two year wait.

Your world is full of wonder and imagination, everything is 'wonderful' and 'amazing'.  The games you play take you all over the place, you are often packing to go camping, on picnics, plane rides and all manner of exciting places.  Objects are phones one minute, plates the next or tickets for your latest puppet show.  You have become a collector of all manner of things, you could open your own museum of curiosities, your pockets are always full of little bits when we return from a walk.  I have to be sure to check your pockets before putting your clothes in the wash!

You wanted to learn to read this year but decided that you weren't ready yet so turned to writing instead, squiggles first of all which have slowly turned into beautiful letters.  You write everyday now, practicing, practicing so that you can be as good as Cameron who told you that is what he did.

You wanted to learn to count beyond ten, the words for the numbers between there up to twenty so difficult for you to remember.  Beyond twenty is so easy you say, logical, so in your frustration one day you ask why do they have to be back to front so we have turned the words round, for now.  The digits you find so easy.

Your bond with Cameron is as strong as ever, I love to watch you two play and interact together solving your disagreements....well most of the time.  You loved all the presents I made you which I will share another day.  I hope your birthday was all you wanted it to be.

Beauty in the Ordinary

The view from my bedroom early one morning this week.............

We have enjoyed reading and doing this together this week...........

Gathering Leaves

In Autumn the falling leaves 

Run races on the paths,

Tumble head over heels

And catch against the tufts of grass.

I gather them in a heap

With a stiff brush and a rake,

Though they are light as feathers

And do their best to escape.

Then I splash right into the heap

And the leaves wash over me

With a long swishing sound

Like a wave of the sea

______________________________

Stanley Cook

Have a lovely weekend!

Connecting

We had a really busy summer.  August, which feels like ages ago now, was almost filled to the brim with camping or getting ready for it.  We had more nights under canvas than at home.  But rather than feeling like it was an out of control frenzy it was all rather relaxed and immensely enjoyable.

In the depths of winter it is really difficult to say no to opportunities that will take us camping.  Despite my best intentions I have often ended up with a really full diary for the six weeks that the UK schools are on holiday in the summer months.  In past years the weeks we were at home would be business as usual, going out to our groups, meet ups and other activities, and in between shoehorning, not very successfully, preparation for going away.  It was all rather stress inducing.

I remember, when I had not long entered the world of work, many colleagues moaning about how they hated their jobs.  My naive twenty something self often wondered why they didn't just look for another one.  But there is something reassuring and comforting about the familiar even if we don't really like it.

I know that I have always had in the back of my mind a time when I was at home so much it became overwhelming.  A very young baby and giving up work to enter our new venture into officially home edding my eldest, I had yet to find my way around the home edding community, it was really isolating.  But tipping the balance the other didn't work for us either.

So when I realised that we had nothing in the diary for the weeks in August we were to be at home I didn't, for once, try and pro-actively fill them.  I went with the flow choosing whatever came up that would work for us all.  That relaxed planning meant that I was able to get ready really slowly and steadily and that when I got to where we were going I was relaxed.  Many a time I have been away on 'holiday' only to feel like I need another one when I get back!

We have visited some beautiful parts of our country.  We spent time walking, talking and admiring the views.  We had one day of rain the whole time, now don't get me wrong I don't dislike rain but when you are camping it can be really hard work.  It didn't matter how long anything took to do, well most of the time, there were a few occasions we had to be somewhere at a certain time.  When we got completely soaked one evening cycling to meet with a group I managed to turn it into an adventure, one which we laughed about later.  We lived in the moment, connected to each other and our surroundings.

Now that is all over I am also glad to be at home.  For the first week I didn't look for activities to fill the diary.  I did worry that the 'we are staying at home today' answer to 'what are we doing today' would be met with frowns but not a bit of it, not even this far down the line.  We were far too busy in our rhythm by end of July, one group has finished completely and another has yet to start yet, this feels so much better, for now.  I am sure it will change as it always does but I do need to gently remind myself to keep space in that rhythm for nothing planned.  It is no good keeping your head above the water if you not able to swim gently but are struggling to remain afloat.

Balancing

This is a reflection of my life at the moment.

A fine balancing act, a support.

I am happy, it is no longer a struggle.

Can I strike that balance here in this space, which I have missed so much, with the rest of life?

Time will tell........

          So here hath been dawning
          Another blue day:
          Think, wilt thou let it
          Slip useless away?

From To-day by Thomas Carlyle

The days are dawning blue with magnificent skies, the sunshine that we have craved all summer has now arrived.

They are full, simple and contented.

What about yours?

Joining Suzy